It's Gonna Rain!

It rained this morning in Austin...first substantial...or even measurable rainfall that we've had since July 6....over 50 days of dry and scorching (97-104 F) weather. The first signficant change in the weather pattern in two months also marks a signicant change in my life. During the entire dry spell I lived with two other guys in a modest and very blue house in my favorite neighborhood in Austin (Bouldin Creek)...suddenly I find myself moving from a neighborhood full of "hippies" to one full of mostly fratastic college students...University of Texas students to be exact. I am not a U.T. student...I'm still having a hard time actually accepting that I'm not a student at all..I'm in between college and career and it is akward. I have a good job with good people that pays my bills and I am recovering from the financial crap-storm that kicked off my summer but I'm still feeling like I've not fully recovered.

About a month ago, not knowing where I would live after this summer now that I had a job...I got a message from my friend Rob Slater, a U.T. student, that his apartment needed a fourth roommate. After first balking at the considerably high West Campus rent I realized that my share would actually not be much higher than what I was already paying due to the number of people in the apartment as well as much lower utility costs than I had in the rickety house on Boudlin Avenue. Also...for the first time since Spring I would be in a place with someone that I knew well and would be around often enough to create a mutual spiritual and emotional support structure that I hadn't really had during the summer. People are importiant to me because I learn from them. I am cynical and stubborn to the point that I almost can only learn and accept new things, as well as criticism, from those who I let really close to me...mainly my twenty or so closest friends who are either concentrated in San Marcos or spread across the country.

The fact that only a few tenths of an inch of rain fell during the past 10 weeks is symbolic to me of my own spiritual life...and emotional life as well. I haven't felt much, or sensed much during that time. Summer was indeed a dry spell for me in a number of ways. At one point, almost overwhelmed by loneliness and at others attacked by angst and frustration with God, my fellow man, and myself. I don't think that moving into a new place, or different weather for that matter in itself represents a positive change but I do think that it is highly conincidental with the representation I feel it has for what is about to happen in my life. During the past few years I could see my life "one year from now"...but that has completely clouded up and I have no idea where I am going nor do I sense that I have all that much control over it...like driving in neutral...not always a bad thing really...allthough to me it can often be frustrating.

But ultimately, even though my immediate career plans didn't work out, I was constantly reminded of grace and love though my friends. They, not the fact that I love Austin or that I am comfortable in the region where I spent almost all of my childhood, are the number one reason why I have stayed close instead of immediately seeking out a career in the media elsewhere. I've said it's because I didn't have the resources to start a big job search (which was primarily true for much of the summer)...but that doesn't tell the entire story...or even an importiant part of it. I don't know if I have ever conveyed that because the emotions behind that thought are explosive and overwhelming. I love the people that God has placed in my life and I hope that I never forget how to show it.

- Jordan