Texas, it's a big state. It's got a lot of stuff in it. It's remarkably diverse ethnically, culturally, geographically, climatologically and economically. I'm not a native Texan (according to some people, this seems to constitute some kind of moral original sin), but I have spent all but 3 infantile years of my life residing right in the center of its giant mass.
As I've grown up, I've gradually gotten to visit other states and places, mainly in the Western 2/3rds of the United States in Canada. For the most part...I've missed home when I'm gone...but I find that there are a few things about Texas that I really don't miss when I'm gone. This is strange because if you talk to 95% of people from this state, you will hear ad-nauseum about how Texas is the best place to live...Texas is the greatest place on Earth, Texas is God's Country etc... I have to stop here and say that I really do love my part of the state, the Central part. I may be a tad biased, but Central Texas, the Austin Area and the Hill Country are clearly the best parts of the state in a number of areas. A great combination of scenery, great cities and towns, a more generally agreeable climate than most parts of the state, and a bunch of overall really great people. However, when I leave this area and travel to other parts of the state, I don't really see how Texas is the best. (Note: I don't think California is the best place either, but I've only been to the Southern part, there are a lot of pros and cons to both places, in general I think Central Texas is a generally better place to live than Southern Cal).
What is the best state? I don't know. I've only visited about 20 of them. This post is not about that. It's about how I'm having a hard time thinking that this state, as a whole, is the best place on Earth. It's way better than a third world country, way better than Arkansas, way better than a lot of places, but this state has some serious drawbacks and problems. I'll throw out a few examples.
*** All of this is my opinion based on a lot of observation and a strong understanding of geography...it is my graduate major and I have spent a lot of time studying this stuff. Please don't take it personally ***
Houston: The climate, lots of rain, lots of humidity, unbelievably unhealthy sprawl and air quality. The largest medical center in the world, in a county where 30% of the population lacks basic health insurance (in Harris County, that means over one million uninsured people) and thus lack access to the level of health care that many often take for granted. Plus, having to leave the city at the same time as 6 million other people because a hurricane is threatening to obliterate it is a complete drag.
Dallas-Fort Worth: The city has its pros and cons, but is surrounded by nothing resembling natural beauty. North Texas in general is basically Iowa with a large metropolitan area in the middle. Dallas has a better climate, but like Houston has similar problems with unnecessary sprawl and a lack of a local flavor...almost everything everywhere you go is either a national or regional chain business. Plus, lacking anything else, DFW is probably the most oppressively materialistic place I have ever spent a significant amount of time in...this includes Southern California.
San Antonio: I generally like San Antonio...but the amount of unrealized potential in the city is bothersome. It has a growing sprawl problem that is made even more noticeable because the city is in a comparatively beautiful setting compared to Dallas and Houston. The city does have more flavor and local culture than Houston and Dallas do, but that tends to disappear as you drive into the suburban northern part of the city. Even within the city there is a lot more that could exist to make it a special place beyond the usual tourist stops.
Other parts of Texas:
The Gulf Coast - Incredibly polluted, due to it being a hub for the petrochemical industry in a state that doesn't really give a flip about the environment. This is a huge drawback.
Rural Texas - It's pretty much like any rural area of any state. With the same pros and cons.
I was going to elaborate, but I think I'm going to leave it at this. I feel I'm being unnecessarily negative. This isn't to upset anyone. I'm just stating the fact that, in general, I don't agree that Texas is some perfect place that is more awesome than anywhere else. I like Texas as a whole, just maybe not as much as a lot of the people that have grown up here. The prominent arrogance of Texans bothers me partly because I don't think it's completely warranted, and partly because it really gets on the nerves of people from other states and we are widely resented for it. I would rather people in other states think favorably of Texas than resent it like they do. And believe me, it's not because of "they're just jealous"...I hear that rebuttal a lot. There's not as much to be jealous about as we lead ourselves to believe.
I think if you really like where you are you should be willing to take a critical look at it and find ways to improve it rather than having a tunnel vision type vacuum of often baseless praise for it.
- Jordan
Friday, July 06, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Daniel Jason Reiter
My friend Daniel Reiter passed away last Thursday. He was twenty-two years old. It is difficult to imagine the number of lives that He touched in those twenty-two years. The void left by his passing is staggering...but I know there is a reason that his life was bottled up into twenty-two intense and full years.
Losing a close friend is something that I have never dealt with this before. I'm not even sure how to deal with it really. Losing a close friend...the first such loss...makes me at once thankful that I have not lost many people in my life...but also regret not caring more to spend more time in eternally important fellowship with others.
Dan is the reason I started writing again on here in the first place. Earlier this month he left me a note that was vividly encouraging, a note which asked that I start writing again. Ten days later he passed away in a car accident on Spring-Cypress road in the northern suburbs of Houston.
Unsure of what to say here...I guess I will just start to express what has been on my mind in the days since Dan's passing. The one thing I know for sure is that I will be posting here much more frequently. I want this journal to be a monument to Dan because without his tacit encouragement I may have stopped writing altogether several times...by doing so I would have robbed myself of a very important outlet for all of the thoughts that jam together in my head and mess with my emotions.
The loss of Dan has been made easier, if that is possible, by the knowledge that his faith in God was so incredible and almost seemingly inhuman (although really, Dan was just as human and fallible as you and I, he simply let a lot more divine love refract though him than I or most others do). Dan also loved to use parenthetical references (as do I). Thus...it will probably take me even longer to get though writing this...and even then...it will not begin to be a shadow of the story of how Dan was an incredible impact on me (an impact that I'm not sure he even realized...and if he did, he would likely draw attention away from it, his humility, in spite of his strong intellectualism, was always something that I always admired).
The road that took Dan's life is the same road I once drove down in 2004 while concerned about the life of another friend named Dan. It's another story entirely but my friend and this girl had hopped on a train in Bryan, Texas...without thinking about any of the potential consequences of their actions...fortunetly they turned out to be safe and I caught up to them in Spring...Dan Reiter's hometown. The first thing I did when I returned to San Marcos was go up to Dan's 12th floor dorm room in Jackson Hall, where he and I spent our first year at Texas State, and excitedly explained how I had visited his hometown under very strange circumstances (Dan was typically excited about most things people had to say to him and this was no exception). I had not been down that road, or to that part of the Houston area, until a few days ago when I rode with three of the dozens of mutual friends that I cried, laughed, and reminisced with last week, as we followed about a mile behind a loosely ordered funeral procession that plodded along to a beautiful grave site. I have never found a site so beautiful so anguishing to look upon.
But I have hope...hope in the community that Dan left behind. Hope that I will join Dan someday and hear that incredible trademark laugh...the one that you could hear from across a crowded room and know that Dan was still there even if you couldn't see him. The laugh that made a person feel relevant, loved, and worth something more than perhaps they thought before they heard it. I also hope that everyone that knew Dan, including myself, will be inspired by the short but remarkable life he led. His impact was anything but short...I'm too clouded by emotion to write anything more right now. I will continue to write about Dan for a long time to come. He is the reason I am writing anyway. He reflected so much love and encouragement and I am just having a hard time dealing with the fact that his bright light has moved on to where my limited human vision cannot see.
Losing a close friend is something that I have never dealt with this before. I'm not even sure how to deal with it really. Losing a close friend...the first such loss...makes me at once thankful that I have not lost many people in my life...but also regret not caring more to spend more time in eternally important fellowship with others.
Dan is the reason I started writing again on here in the first place. Earlier this month he left me a note that was vividly encouraging, a note which asked that I start writing again. Ten days later he passed away in a car accident on Spring-Cypress road in the northern suburbs of Houston.
Unsure of what to say here...I guess I will just start to express what has been on my mind in the days since Dan's passing. The one thing I know for sure is that I will be posting here much more frequently. I want this journal to be a monument to Dan because without his tacit encouragement I may have stopped writing altogether several times...by doing so I would have robbed myself of a very important outlet for all of the thoughts that jam together in my head and mess with my emotions.
The loss of Dan has been made easier, if that is possible, by the knowledge that his faith in God was so incredible and almost seemingly inhuman (although really, Dan was just as human and fallible as you and I, he simply let a lot more divine love refract though him than I or most others do). Dan also loved to use parenthetical references (as do I). Thus...it will probably take me even longer to get though writing this...and even then...it will not begin to be a shadow of the story of how Dan was an incredible impact on me (an impact that I'm not sure he even realized...and if he did, he would likely draw attention away from it, his humility, in spite of his strong intellectualism, was always something that I always admired).
The road that took Dan's life is the same road I once drove down in 2004 while concerned about the life of another friend named Dan. It's another story entirely but my friend and this girl had hopped on a train in Bryan, Texas...without thinking about any of the potential consequences of their actions...fortunetly they turned out to be safe and I caught up to them in Spring...Dan Reiter's hometown. The first thing I did when I returned to San Marcos was go up to Dan's 12th floor dorm room in Jackson Hall, where he and I spent our first year at Texas State, and excitedly explained how I had visited his hometown under very strange circumstances (Dan was typically excited about most things people had to say to him and this was no exception). I had not been down that road, or to that part of the Houston area, until a few days ago when I rode with three of the dozens of mutual friends that I cried, laughed, and reminisced with last week, as we followed about a mile behind a loosely ordered funeral procession that plodded along to a beautiful grave site. I have never found a site so beautiful so anguishing to look upon.
But I have hope...hope in the community that Dan left behind. Hope that I will join Dan someday and hear that incredible trademark laugh...the one that you could hear from across a crowded room and know that Dan was still there even if you couldn't see him. The laugh that made a person feel relevant, loved, and worth something more than perhaps they thought before they heard it. I also hope that everyone that knew Dan, including myself, will be inspired by the short but remarkable life he led. His impact was anything but short...I'm too clouded by emotion to write anything more right now. I will continue to write about Dan for a long time to come. He is the reason I am writing anyway. He reflected so much love and encouragement and I am just having a hard time dealing with the fact that his bright light has moved on to where my limited human vision cannot see.
Monday, June 18, 2007
"A Man Walks Into A Bar and Says 'OW!'
Sometimes I am doing something around town and I come up with a great idea to write about. That idea conveniently seems to always disappear by the time I am actually in front of a computer, or a notebook, or a sandy beach or whatever. Thus, I will embark on a series of random notes.
Spurs win the NBA, again
I know that some of you guys don't really care about following pro-sports, but I do. I have been an avid Spurs fan since childhood. In fact they are the only reason I ever really care to watch the sport of basketball (I usually prefer football or hockey instead). Last Thursday, the Spurs wrapped up their fourth championship in nine years. The four titles places them behind only the Celtics, Lakers and Bulls in number of total championships...which is even more impressive when you consider that the Lakers and Celtics have been in the league (the Lakers won 5 titles in Minneapolis before moving to Los Angeles and rendering their nickname to irrelevant) about twice as long as the Spurs, and that the Bulls had some guys named Michael Jordan for a number of years.
The Spurs are, to but it simply, a very awesome team. They have pieced together a decade where they have won nearly half of the titles while never failing to miss the playoffs. The anchor of the team is, of course, Center Tim Duncan. Tim is arguably the most unselfish and humble superstar that any pro-sport has seen in my lifetime. This is incredible when you consider that these are even less-common attributes of NBA superstars than those of other sports. I leave the argument of whether or not they are a "dynasty" in pro-sports terms alone until their current run of greatness is over...and it is several years from being over. Not only are they the most well run organization in sports, but they are also still indwelt with the selfless personality that David Robinson originally brought to the team, which has enabled them to avoid the issues and pitfalls that eventually knock teams out of the realm of dominance.
My friends Derek, Jim and myself were in downtown San Antonio the night of the win and it was awesome to witness the display of community that happened there immediately following the win. Thousands of people converging on downtown San Antonio to celebrate the win. I think pro-sports, and particularly the Spurs, are so appealing because it provides one of the few areas where community still happens in our community-starved society.
Go Spurs Go!!!
WWMRD?
I've taken some what of a sabbatical (which isin't a pun this year because there are no major candidates who are jewish) from following the 2008 presidential election. One of the main reasons for this is that the current month is June of 2007...putting the election some 17 months away. Of course the primaries are sooner, but still in 2008. However, when I stopped checking on it Obama and Hillary were tied in the polls, now Hillary has jumped back out to a 13 point lead in the Democratic primary. I guess being scripted and superficial beyond reason is working for her still. Of course, Democrats want to win the election, which is why I am not too concerned that they'll actually end up nominating her.
Meanwhile on the Republican side, you have a situation where the candidate with the most momentum isn't even officially a candidate yet. He is however an actor...that worked for the GOP in California in terms of the Governors seat in the 70's, and then again for the GOP in the White House in 1980, then again in California earlier this decade. It is ironic that in the age of the "Hollywood Left", only center or right-wing candidates seem to be able to go from the screen to the public office. At the same time you have Mitt Romney, the openly Mormon (about as good among the Christian-right as being openly homosexual) former governor of Massachusetts (see previous parenthetical reference). With two strikes against him already among the conservatives that still steer the steadily sinking Republican (big "R") boat...the boat that is helping to torpedo the greater American republican (little "r") boat...Romney is trying to distance his campaign from discussions of the Mormon faith versus the overall Christian faith. But, we are talking about the GOP, so he is fighting an uphill battle in a primary for a party whose religious base has always been exploited by the highest bidder for political gain.
Recently, two of Mitt Romney's rival campaigns have finally (I say this not to condone it, but more to express amazement that it hasn't publicly been an issue among candidates to this point) brought up the issue of Mormonism and Romney. Many Christians, especially those on the right...see Mormonism as a "cult", and not a part of mainstream Christendom at all (see link). This is something significant enough to sink Romney's ship if it is not handled with the utmost tact by his campaign. So far, this is not the case. Romney disputed a question concerning Mormon doctrine and the return of Christ. Mitt said the doctrine is consistent with Christian scripture that Jesus will return to Jerusalem as foretold in the Bible. He was then quickly refuted by a senior member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (which I will henceforth refer to as the LDS Chuch in order to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome) who said that the chuch teaches that, here's one for South Park fans, Jesus will return to several places, including Jerusalem (of course), as well as Jackson County Missouri (of course.......wait...what?). He said it. You can't make this stuff up. Apparently Romney can though...but it simply represents one of the many of his personal viewpoints that have shifted radically as election season continues its gradual downhill sludge toward 2008.
Laces Out, Dan!
There is a national news story coming out of San Diego about the revelation that four dolphins have washed ashore in the city, riddled with bullet holes. It's assumed that someone used them as target practice. I guess they should guard all of the other cute animals at San Diego...Baby Seal Beach at La Jolla Point and the Koala pen at the San Diego zoo in particular. I know that sniping dolphins from land, or a bridge, or wherever, is not a laughing matter...or shouldn't be...maybe...but neither is the fact that dozens of murders occur just 100 miles up the 5 freeway in Los Angeles (and other major urban areas) every month and they are not reported nationally because they are "supposed" to happen. People in Inner-cities are "supposed" to kill each other. But when a few dolphins get shot, there is a national uproar. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother caring about this because our societal priorities seem gone beyond hope of returning to something resembling rationality. Thinking about it is depressing, but I don't think I should stop thinking about it...but that seems like what most of us have done. More people seem concerned with Paris Hilton getting out of jail early, or the fact that 23 dogs were recently found dead in a house, than with the fact that we are increasingly unable to stem the growing tide of human on human violence that is gradually eating our nation's cities alive.
- Jordan
Spurs win the NBA, again
I know that some of you guys don't really care about following pro-sports, but I do. I have been an avid Spurs fan since childhood. In fact they are the only reason I ever really care to watch the sport of basketball (I usually prefer football or hockey instead). Last Thursday, the Spurs wrapped up their fourth championship in nine years. The four titles places them behind only the Celtics, Lakers and Bulls in number of total championships...which is even more impressive when you consider that the Lakers and Celtics have been in the league (the Lakers won 5 titles in Minneapolis before moving to Los Angeles and rendering their nickname to irrelevant) about twice as long as the Spurs, and that the Bulls had some guys named Michael Jordan for a number of years.
The Spurs are, to but it simply, a very awesome team. They have pieced together a decade where they have won nearly half of the titles while never failing to miss the playoffs. The anchor of the team is, of course, Center Tim Duncan. Tim is arguably the most unselfish and humble superstar that any pro-sport has seen in my lifetime. This is incredible when you consider that these are even less-common attributes of NBA superstars than those of other sports. I leave the argument of whether or not they are a "dynasty" in pro-sports terms alone until their current run of greatness is over...and it is several years from being over. Not only are they the most well run organization in sports, but they are also still indwelt with the selfless personality that David Robinson originally brought to the team, which has enabled them to avoid the issues and pitfalls that eventually knock teams out of the realm of dominance.
My friends Derek, Jim and myself were in downtown San Antonio the night of the win and it was awesome to witness the display of community that happened there immediately following the win. Thousands of people converging on downtown San Antonio to celebrate the win. I think pro-sports, and particularly the Spurs, are so appealing because it provides one of the few areas where community still happens in our community-starved society.
Go Spurs Go!!!
WWMRD?
I've taken some what of a sabbatical (which isin't a pun this year because there are no major candidates who are jewish) from following the 2008 presidential election. One of the main reasons for this is that the current month is June of 2007...putting the election some 17 months away. Of course the primaries are sooner, but still in 2008. However, when I stopped checking on it Obama and Hillary were tied in the polls, now Hillary has jumped back out to a 13 point lead in the Democratic primary. I guess being scripted and superficial beyond reason is working for her still. Of course, Democrats want to win the election, which is why I am not too concerned that they'll actually end up nominating her.
Meanwhile on the Republican side, you have a situation where the candidate with the most momentum isn't even officially a candidate yet. He is however an actor...that worked for the GOP in California in terms of the Governors seat in the 70's, and then again for the GOP in the White House in 1980, then again in California earlier this decade. It is ironic that in the age of the "Hollywood Left", only center or right-wing candidates seem to be able to go from the screen to the public office. At the same time you have Mitt Romney, the openly Mormon (about as good among the Christian-right as being openly homosexual) former governor of Massachusetts (see previous parenthetical reference). With two strikes against him already among the conservatives that still steer the steadily sinking Republican (big "R") boat...the boat that is helping to torpedo the greater American republican (little "r") boat...Romney is trying to distance his campaign from discussions of the Mormon faith versus the overall Christian faith. But, we are talking about the GOP, so he is fighting an uphill battle in a primary for a party whose religious base has always been exploited by the highest bidder for political gain.
Recently, two of Mitt Romney's rival campaigns have finally (I say this not to condone it, but more to express amazement that it hasn't publicly been an issue among candidates to this point) brought up the issue of Mormonism and Romney. Many Christians, especially those on the right...see Mormonism as a "cult", and not a part of mainstream Christendom at all (see link). This is something significant enough to sink Romney's ship if it is not handled with the utmost tact by his campaign. So far, this is not the case. Romney disputed a question concerning Mormon doctrine and the return of Christ. Mitt said the doctrine is consistent with Christian scripture that Jesus will return to Jerusalem as foretold in the Bible. He was then quickly refuted by a senior member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (which I will henceforth refer to as the LDS Chuch in order to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome) who said that the chuch teaches that, here's one for South Park fans, Jesus will return to several places, including Jerusalem (of course), as well as Jackson County Missouri (of course.......wait...what?). He said it. You can't make this stuff up. Apparently Romney can though...but it simply represents one of the many of his personal viewpoints that have shifted radically as election season continues its gradual downhill sludge toward 2008.
Laces Out, Dan!
There is a national news story coming out of San Diego about the revelation that four dolphins have washed ashore in the city, riddled with bullet holes. It's assumed that someone used them as target practice. I guess they should guard all of the other cute animals at San Diego...Baby Seal Beach at La Jolla Point and the Koala pen at the San Diego zoo in particular. I know that sniping dolphins from land, or a bridge, or wherever, is not a laughing matter...or shouldn't be...maybe...but neither is the fact that dozens of murders occur just 100 miles up the 5 freeway in Los Angeles (and other major urban areas) every month and they are not reported nationally because they are "supposed" to happen. People in Inner-cities are "supposed" to kill each other. But when a few dolphins get shot, there is a national uproar. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother caring about this because our societal priorities seem gone beyond hope of returning to something resembling rationality. Thinking about it is depressing, but I don't think I should stop thinking about it...but that seems like what most of us have done. More people seem concerned with Paris Hilton getting out of jail early, or the fact that 23 dogs were recently found dead in a house, than with the fact that we are increasingly unable to stem the growing tide of human on human violence that is gradually eating our nation's cities alive.
- Jordan
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Meanwhile, back at the Ranch
According to my friend Dan Reiter...I have posted anything here in a long time. He is correct. He also now has a philosophy degree that he finished earning in the time since I last posted this...a couple of dozen of my other friends either graduated...or were surprised to not graduate...an unpleasant surprise to say the least.
A lot has changed for me as well...just like in that David Bowie song...you know, the guy that they named Bowie High School after (that might have been James Bowie...it's a toss up, both make sense). I've had the flu, been depressed, been happy, bought a different car, watched the Spurs blast their way though the Western Conference Playoffs (on the cusp of winning their fourth title tomorrow night), got excited, messed up my wrist during a rare appearance on a skateboard and killed a bear with my bare hands (the bear killing was imaginary). I've also decided to go back to school, grad School...Geography at Texas State...a complete change from any previous plans...at least plans A though D...or even maybe E.
I missed San Marcos way too much to stay away. Many of my best friends are still going to be there. Everything related to returning to school has worked out better than I could have planned. I'm starting in August and I'm very excited.
Thanks and stuff.
- Jordan
A lot has changed for me as well...just like in that David Bowie song...you know, the guy that they named Bowie High School after (that might have been James Bowie...it's a toss up, both make sense). I've had the flu, been depressed, been happy, bought a different car, watched the Spurs blast their way though the Western Conference Playoffs (on the cusp of winning their fourth title tomorrow night), got excited, messed up my wrist during a rare appearance on a skateboard and killed a bear with my bare hands (the bear killing was imaginary). I've also decided to go back to school, grad School...Geography at Texas State...a complete change from any previous plans...at least plans A though D...or even maybe E.
I missed San Marcos way too much to stay away. Many of my best friends are still going to be there. Everything related to returning to school has worked out better than I could have planned. I'm starting in August and I'm very excited.
Thanks and stuff.
- Jordan
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I Ran
*cue Flock of Seagulls song/Chariots of Fire theme song*
I went for a run today. Started at my apartment, ended up at the north shore of Town Lake. Three miles, not much for most people but for me, basically a half-marathon (a marathon having been convinently shortened to six miles in this case).
I went for a run today. Started at my apartment, ended up at the north shore of Town Lake. Three miles, not much for most people but for me, basically a half-marathon (a marathon having been convinently shortened to six miles in this case).
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Real Estate Babel
There has been a massive high-rise building boom in the city (Austin), in the past few years. This is largely due to a push by Mayor Will Wynn and the City Council to make downtown as much of a residential area as it is a governmental and entertianment (often one can be the other in Texas) district. Austin, being the famiously livable city that it is, has seen this idea suddently burst into over a dozen high rise projects being built concurrently. More than a couple of the projects are over 40 stories in height. To put this into context. The current tallest building in Austin is the Frost Bank Tower which measures 33 stories (and was only completed three years ago). I originally hoped that such overbuilding would occur, which would drive down prices of downtown housing, which are currently astronomical by Texas standards, with many high rise units selling briskly at as much as $500,000 in a city where the median house value is roughly $175,000 (and also rising sharply). However, it's looking more and more like this will not be the case and living downtown (where many people work simple service jobs in addition to the typical white collar stuff) will be the domain of the affluent.
I guess we'll always have William Cannon Drive, until some real estate genius decides to make it trendy, give it a nice catchy trendy name like "WilCan"...
I guess we'll always have William Cannon Drive, until some real estate genius decides to make it trendy, give it a nice catchy trendy name like "WilCan"...
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Ted "I'm a Flaming Heterosexual" Haggard
The news has been on the depressing side lately...then again, when is it not. I found the following items to be funny (in the bad way) or just plain sad)
One of four pastors who is overseeing Haggard's...I guess I'll call it rehab...in Phoenix basically ran to the press this week and exclaimed that Haggard has "discovered" that he is "completely heterosexual".
Hallelujah!!!
That's a very convenient discovery. The kind of convenience that only finding weapons of mass destruction in recently invaded countries can afford. It's amazing that someone can (as is most likely the case) have sex with another man over the course of three years and still be completely heterosexual. Now I don't want to get into the whole debate over whether one can or can't help being gay, I just find this to be somewhat ironic...the fact that three months of bumming around in the desert can cure three years of some pretty not completely heterosexual behavior. I wonder if his rehab consisted of having to sit in a lawn chair on a rocky hillside covered in tall phallic shaped Saguaro cacti until Haggard was unable to notice how phallic they are and then suggest, on his own mind you, that he be taken to a melon patch instead.
A close advisor has recommended that Haggard take on "secular work" for the near future. But I sense that an evangelical (a.k.a. theocratically political) comeback is in his future. I mean, if you can be cured of being gay in just three months, then obviously gays shouldn't get married and Ted Haggard, knowing full well what being gay is like, should lead the moral crusade. Only he has been both fully gay and fully heterosexual. He understands the moral enemy better than most. He's been on the inside...okay I'll stop.
Save us and our institution of marriage Ted Haggard! It doesn't matter how badly you personally violated your own. We need you! Pat Robertson has gone crazy, Falwell is washed up and Ralph Reed is too busy trying to get indian casinos built, or not built, depending on which side pays him the most.
- Ted "I'm a Flaming Heterosexual" Haggard
One of four pastors who is overseeing Haggard's...I guess I'll call it rehab...in Phoenix basically ran to the press this week and exclaimed that Haggard has "discovered" that he is "completely heterosexual".
Hallelujah!!!
That's a very convenient discovery. The kind of convenience that only finding weapons of mass destruction in recently invaded countries can afford. It's amazing that someone can (as is most likely the case) have sex with another man over the course of three years and still be completely heterosexual. Now I don't want to get into the whole debate over whether one can or can't help being gay, I just find this to be somewhat ironic...the fact that three months of bumming around in the desert can cure three years of some pretty not completely heterosexual behavior. I wonder if his rehab consisted of having to sit in a lawn chair on a rocky hillside covered in tall phallic shaped Saguaro cacti until Haggard was unable to notice how phallic they are and then suggest, on his own mind you, that he be taken to a melon patch instead.
A close advisor has recommended that Haggard take on "secular work" for the near future. But I sense that an evangelical (a.k.a. theocratically political) comeback is in his future. I mean, if you can be cured of being gay in just three months, then obviously gays shouldn't get married and Ted Haggard, knowing full well what being gay is like, should lead the moral crusade. Only he has been both fully gay and fully heterosexual. He understands the moral enemy better than most. He's been on the inside...okay I'll stop.
Save us and our institution of marriage Ted Haggard! It doesn't matter how badly you personally violated your own. We need you! Pat Robertson has gone crazy, Falwell is washed up and Ralph Reed is too busy trying to get indian casinos built, or not built, depending on which side pays him the most.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
At Night, the Ice Weasels Come
This week the residents of Central Texas, myself included, learned that you can still function as a human being in less than perfect weather. An unusually long and bitter cold spell (by our standards) has smothered the area with a inch or so of ice and snow. Snow is great. I like snow, mainly because I don't have to shovel it in April like people in certian lake-happy upper Midwestern states sometimes do. Unfortunetly pure snow is about as common here as sitting Governors that aren't evil. The ice/snow ratio this week was along the lines of 80/20. People freaked out. I kind of freaked out. Accidents happened. People died. Thousands climbed onto the top of the Frost Bank Tower awaiting the imminent return of Christ (or aliens in the case of South Austinites)...okay this is an exaggeration. What's not an exaggeration is today when I saw a traffic Jam on the freeway caused by people skittishly driving 5 miles per hour across a completely melted bridge (at least the freeway lanes were).
My least favorite aspect, aside from the preventable deaths and injuries, of the semi-annual Central Texas "winter storm" is hearing people from colder, crappier climates drone on and on about how people in Austin "don't know how to drive on the ice." Seriously, shut up. Mabye not ever having to do it has something to do with that. By your logic you should also be expressing shock at the inability of people in Cuba to play ice hockey, or suprise that there aren't more Egyptian quarterbacks in the NFL. Allthough I will agree that people here tend to use less than perfect weather as an excuse to be complete morons behind the wheel.
Locals dealt with the ice as well as they knew (a knowledge base that is a pretty small one). Of course no one who is from south of Dallas has an ice scraper...why would you ever need one? I'm lucky that I can park my car in a garage which saved my windshield from becoming even more cracked. Others who parked in the elements had to deal with a half inch to an inch of ice on their windshields. Since you never need an ice scraper in your car, I saw the following items being used to scrape ice off of windshields: A wooden spoon, a butter knife...and my favorte, a fork. I once used a screwdriver. I recommend that method as long as you don't mind having to get a new windshield.
But the importiant thing is that, among the estimated 1.5 million residents of the Austin Metro Area, 1,499,998 of us survived the ice apocalypse. Not a bad survival rate when you consider that many thought the world was coming to an end.
My least favorite aspect, aside from the preventable deaths and injuries, of the semi-annual Central Texas "winter storm" is hearing people from colder, crappier climates drone on and on about how people in Austin "don't know how to drive on the ice." Seriously, shut up. Mabye not ever having to do it has something to do with that. By your logic you should also be expressing shock at the inability of people in Cuba to play ice hockey, or suprise that there aren't more Egyptian quarterbacks in the NFL. Allthough I will agree that people here tend to use less than perfect weather as an excuse to be complete morons behind the wheel.
Locals dealt with the ice as well as they knew (a knowledge base that is a pretty small one). Of course no one who is from south of Dallas has an ice scraper...why would you ever need one? I'm lucky that I can park my car in a garage which saved my windshield from becoming even more cracked. Others who parked in the elements had to deal with a half inch to an inch of ice on their windshields. Since you never need an ice scraper in your car, I saw the following items being used to scrape ice off of windshields: A wooden spoon, a butter knife...and my favorte, a fork. I once used a screwdriver. I recommend that method as long as you don't mind having to get a new windshield.
But the importiant thing is that, among the estimated 1.5 million residents of the Austin Metro Area, 1,499,998 of us survived the ice apocalypse. Not a bad survival rate when you consider that many thought the world was coming to an end.
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