Keep Austin Whatever

When I picture the "American Dream", I don't see a house, I see a neighborhood

2010-12-15T12:08:00.015-06:00

Photo: by the author in San Marcos, TX - December, 2009

I've often thought that I would prefer not to spend my whole life living in one place, or even one region. Well, I spent a summer in Los Angeles once, so I guess that is guaranteed never to be the case. However, I am beginning to see the emergence of a possibility that I might reside in the same region for the rest of my life, but that it might even be a palatable option considering the abundant positives of the area in which I currently live. This scenario could also include leaving for a couple of years and returning thereafter.

There are significant conditions on that previous statement. Certain places reflect who I am and what I like in a place far more than most others. South Austin, especially closer into the center of the city, and San Marcos are on the short list of areas where I think I'd be content to base the rest of my residential life. I certainly have my misgivings about the State of Texas as a whole, although I have far fewer of them when it comes to Central Texas and the Hill Country (and sometimes the familiarity of Central Texas compels me to daydream of living somewhere else). But, within any region, it's important to me that I live in a neighborhood who's layout and culture reflect the ideas that I consider important in an urban-social structure.

This distinction is important not just to myself, but to a growing number of people in my generation (follow the title link for more on this). For decades, the "American Dream" has been about things such as owning a house and a car for every driving member of the family...and that house is out in the suburbs, away from the noise and trouble of the big city where the public schools are good and violent crime is ostensibly low. Or, even, it's out in the county on a patch of land at the end of a road where you're not forced to interact with people outside of work, home, or the social gatherings of one's choosing. Previously, even rural dwellers would have these uncontrolled interactions when they took trips into town to shop, but the growth of information technology has allowed even most shopping to be done online, removing even more uninitiated social interactions.

But, that's not what I want. I may not be the most outgoing person around people who aren't already my friends, but there is a significant difference in my temperament when I'm in a place where there are lots of people and activity within distances that don't require car travel, than I am when I'm isolated from such community in a suburban or rural environment (both are the same to me as both require extensive car travel just to perform basic consumer and social functions). While many take comfort (whether they like to admit it or not) in living in a place that is dominated by their own ethnicity, I find myself wanting to be in places that to me "look like America", which means they are diverse and you might, God forbid, hear languages other than English spoken while walking down the street. Places where upper-middle class and working class people live in the same neighborhoods, shop at the same grocery stores, pass each other on the same sidewalks. Such places afford people a better quality of life than they'd enjoy in that economic status in a suburban or rural area. In the case of wealthier people, I feel it prevents the warped empathy-destroying perspective that is formed when they and their children grow up in homogeneous suburban fortresses. In the case of the working-class, they feel more included in their community, they are far less likely to be victims of violent crime than in segregated ghettos and they are able to more cheaply and effectively take advantage of services because they are able to reach more of them (through mass transit, cycling or walking) without the expensive suburban-rural necessity of car ownership. For wealthier individuals, the ability to do things without having to use the car every time has unquestioned benifits in terms of overall health, weight and potentially psychologically as well. I know that livable, walkable neighborhoods in the middle of towns and cities may not be for everyone, or may not be best enjoyed by everyone, but I think far more people would enjoy them than is realized by the economic and regulatory forces that have pushed suburbanization and exurbanization (the area beyond the suburbs from which people still largely commute to work in a city) would like us to believe.

I didn't realize the kind of place I most thrive in until I actually got to live in one after enrolling at Texas State University-San Marcos. I remember the thrill of realizing I could actually walk to things that were interesting...and later on realized the benefits of living in a neighborhood where getting around on foot or by bicycle was not only an option, but it was actually preferable and more enjoyable than driving. When I returned to San Marcos for graduate school, I didn't consider any apartment that was not within walking distance of campus, the town square and a supermarket (which actually leaves a lot of options still in place in that town). Now, it's important for me to mention here that I enjoy driving, probably more than someone with my views and inclinations should. It's a lot of fun to me, but being forced to drive makes the whole undertaking a lot less enjoyable to me. We talk a lot about "freedom" in the United States, but how much freedom can we really have when we are fully reliant on expensive and dangerous (not to mention environmentally taxing) machines in order to go about our daily lives. People should always have the option to drive, I'd be a hypocrite to suggest otherwise, but we should also have the freedom to be free of car-dependence.

If you have never considered that before, spend some time thinking about it. Then, take a drive (on second thought, make it a bike trip or a good long walk) around the 78704 (near-south Austin) or 78666 (San Marcos) zip codes and consider the community and social resources that we've collectively lost during the rush to fall in love with the suburbs.

- Jordan

On the Transient Nature of Localism in Austin, Texas

2010-01-05T01:13:00.006-06:00

I like fish tacos. There is, you could say, a dearth of fish taco selection in our landlocked region. Therefore the rumored opening of a second Wahoo’s Fish Taco location in Austin is welcome news to me, even as local business lover that prefers non-chain establishments whenever possible. We do not exactly have a plethora of local establishments (that I know of) that specialize in making good fish tacos. However, something about the location of the proposed Wahoo’s troubles me, because it further confirms a suspicion that I have that one of Austin’s best local business corridors might be in the first stages of going the way of The Drag.

A little background on this statement: “The Drag”, a.k.a. the row of storefronts along Guadalupe Street directly across from the University of Texas campus, was once regarded as a key hub for the weird/funky/interesting/whatever you want to call it spirit that has long defined the Capital of Texas. The national businesses that located there, such as a well-known Tower Records location, did their best to fit into that motif. As property values around the (sometimes) largest university in the United States began to skyrocket during the last two economic booms in Austin, local shops increasingly found it difficult to afford the sky-high commercial rents in the area and either closed up shop or moved to other neighborhoods. These have largely been replaced by large national chain businesses (such as Chipotle, Mellow Mushroom, Urban Outfitters and others) that were the only tenants who could afford what became one of the most expensive locations in Austin. The change has been so abrupt that, from my recollection, only a few businesses on the drag were there just seven years ago: Hole in the Wall, a 7-11 and the Church of Scientology, and I feel like I’m padding stats by including the latter. Even Tower Records (replaced by Follett’s Intellectual Property, which has since vacated the space) and a Barnes and Noble (next to a 50,000 student campus no less) were forced out.

I’ve seen several iconic businesses close, places such as Little City Coffeehouse and Einstein’s Arcade (sorry, Justin) a favorite of my brothers', local teens and college students, that have vacated what was once a key stretch of Austin business culture. I’ve seen several other national chains (Pete’s Coffee, Baja Fresh) try and fail on the drag. Essentially, the Drag became a victim of Austin’s success and has lots its soul because of it. I can remember the early stages of the decline, and I am starting to (reluctantly) notice the first signs of a similar trend that could lead to an eventually similar loss of soul on a famous stretch of one of Austin’s best streets: South Congress.

Just three or so years ago, it seemed unthinkable that South Congress, between Live Oak and the Texas School for the Deaf campus, could be anything but a haven for the local small business ingenuity and entrepreneurialism that has made the city more than just another urban wasteland of sameness. That naiveté (I'm using this pretentious word on purpose, to set the mood) was shattered for me when I saw the appearance of an American Apparel store in the middle of the local stretch, right between the Continental Club and Homeslice Pizza (as seen in "Death Proof"). Now, I really don’t have that much against American Apparel. They’re anti-sweatshop (a plus), their advertisements can be sketchy/exploitative (a minus) and they serve as a go-to option for Hipsters in need of new monochromatic v-necks (no opinion). But, seeing it open in that particular location served to me as a harbinger that South Congress (or, “SoCo”, as the real estate community likes to call it…please don’t refer to it as that if you’re standing next to me, or I might involuntarily vomit a little on your shoes. Its bad enough that I’ve had to add it to dictionary on my computer) might be at its peak as a key vein of visible Austin culture. American Apparel stores may be kind of weird, but they’re weird less in the funky Austin way and more in the post-modern creepy way. And, being based in Downtown L.A., with stores all over the world, it’s certainly not a “local business”. And, I suspect, it tipped the balance of local vs. national on the street less in the favor of the locals.

The new Wahoo’s (the only current location in Austin is downtown on Rio Grande between 5th and 6th) is, in symbolic fashion, going in place of Texas French Bread, which is pulling out of its South Congress location (presumably, it’s remaining location at 29th and Rio Grande will remain open). I noticed the symbolism in this particular secession, but realistically, any business that it would replace on this stretch of South Congress would be a local one. Again, outside of American Apparel, there isn’t another non-Austin chain business that I can think of on the one-mile stretch between 7-11 and the Starbucks across from the School for the Deaf. Apparently, that number is going up, and presumably, South Congress may look a lot different in a few years as real-estate appreciation and the penetration of chain businesses likely has transformative effects.

If you were to have a betting pool on the next non-local business to move onto South Congress, my money would be on the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. The Coffee Bean, like Wahoo’s and American Apparel, happens to be a national/international chain that is based out of Southern California. The first Coffee Bean in Austin opened on South Lamar near Riverside in 2009, and has been followed quickly by locations at 38th and Lamar as well as 41st and Red River. While none of these location is a specifically local business haven, the 41st location is in a big box strip mall home to HEB, Old Navy and Sears, they’re all in central parts of the city that generally have a strong local business culture (and seemingly fewer Starbucks than is normal for an urban area). As with all parts of Central Austin, they’re also neighborhoods that have seen substantial increases in real estate values. Given that Jo’s is the only coffee shop on the stretch of South Congress in question, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a Coffee Bean there in the near future. Seemingly, it’s smart for California chains to begin expanding in areas that are not as economically stagnated as their state is as a whole, and it’s a particularly deft move to accentuate that expansion in places such as Austin that have seen considerable in-migration from California.

Of course, I could be wrong about all of this. South Congress may still be a very local area in 20 years. But, given what has happened in Austin over the past 20 years, I doubt that will be the case. It’s a shame in some ways, but optimistically speaking, the local spirit will remain, it’ll just geographically shift to areas of the city that can still afford to have one. It may be harder to “Keep Austin Weird” (a.k.a. “local”) with all of the internal and external economic pressures that are influencing the city, but I am hopeful that Austin’s independent spirit, one that makes it an excellent place to bring local ideas to life, will survive and will live on in the city wherever it can. And as an avid supporter of tacos of all kinds, now is a great time to open a fish taco stand or food cart somewhere before Wahoo’s corners the market.

Simple traffic solutions for South Austin (Individual cases, not the whole place obviously)

2009-12-04T16:39:00.001-06:00

I would like to offer up the following suggestions as simply inexpensive semi-solutions to traffic issues in the area. None of these involve all that much construction work but would be really beneficial. If you've toughed through these problems then you might get this, if you haven't you'll just be bored (probably) reading it:

1.

Problem: Traffic slows down ridiculously in the right-lane of northbound I-35 between William Cannon and Ben White

Solution: Add an exit lane so that cars entering the freeway don’t have to merge immediately with cars that are trying to get over to exit, as well as with cars that are going straight but are stuck in the right lane because semi-trucks and people going too slow in the left-lane keep them there. The shoulder could easily be converted into one

2.

Problem: Traffic backs up on the westbound access road of the Ben White Freeway at Congress Ave.

Solution: Only allow left turns onto Congress from the left hand lane and dedicate the 2nd lane to the entrance ramp, also restripe the roadway so that the third lane can enter the ramp as well and merge there instead of what currently happens, which is cars zipper merging in the intersection to enter the ramp that is right after the light. This will also free up traffic at other sides of the intersection as the lights could be retimed since they’ll no longer need to accommodate such a long queue of cars. A better less simple solution is to build an entrance ramp before the light, but with the setup of the freeway there doing so would be complicated. Best solution: flyover ramp from 35 to Ben White…those are apparently going to be built sometime next year…ending one of the worst episodes of transportation planning I have ever seen.

3.

Problem: S. Congress narrows to two-lanes and as it goes through a busy stretch that includes apartments, a school and an intersection with William Cannon Dr.

Solution: For the love of all that is holy, at least build a turn-lane so left turning cars who have to wait for 20 cars to clear before they turn don’t stall traffic anymore.

4.

Problem: Southbound traffic on the Freeway lanes of I-35 slows down even more between William Cannon and Slaughter Lane.

Solution: Invert the on and off ramps between Slaughter and William Cannon so that all of the traffic entering and exiting the freeway there can use the nice and vacant two lane access road and free up room on the freeway for vehicles who aren’t entering and exiting there. This is actually a good idea for a number of places around Austin.

Start Today

2009-08-20T02:37:00.004-05:00

I haven't updated this in three months. I think that's because I often think that no one reads it. But, I know a few people probably do and those people are worth a lot to me so I'm going to revive this thing.

I may even do something as simple as discuss observations about this city (or others that I end up in sometimes), talk about problems I see and what I think the potential solutions are.

Example: Mobility in Austin is terrible. Possible solution: Let's tear up a few streets and build a comprehensive mass transit system centered on light rail. Wait, we tried that in 2001 and it got voted down because of the price tag.

Oh well. I'll have to find other things to be positive about.

For one thing, I'm going to the Grand Canyon and then on to Denver this week to visit friends. I just found out I can fly to San Diego from Austin round trip non-stop on Southwest for less than $200 so I hope I can do that soon as well.

- Jordan

2009-08-20T02:20:00.001-05:00

I’m still holding out hope that this isn’t serious. Spotted at Mopac and Burnet in North Austin. So probably…

It's All Good from Diego to the Bay

2009-05-18T11:01:00.001-05:00

Things that I’m finding to be really annoying.

1) Loud cars

2) Loud motorcycles

3) Loud people

Things that I’m looking forward to:

1) Road trip 2K9 starting this wednesday

2) In-N-Out Burger

3) Seeing the Rocky Mountains of my birth for the first time in a few years

Things I like about summer in San Marcos

1) Sunshine

2) Being outside

3) Most of the people who really don’t appreciate San Marcos are gone

Things San Marcos needs:

1) An independent video store

2) More local fast(er)-food places near campus

3) Bike paths and bike lanes

Places where I like to see live music

1) Emo’s

2) Emo’s

3) Emo’s

Favorite non-sit down places to eat in Austin

1) Tacodeli

2) P. Terry’s Burger Stand

3) The other Tacodeli

Flight of the Navigator

2009-05-12T20:52:00.003-05:00

The Semester ended today at Texas State, except that for me it’s just another day tomorrow…I’m on a pretty steady work and thesis-work schedule that is not exciting enough to write about so I won’t.

I did almost crash my car the other night, that’s a little more interesting. I was driving back from my parents place outside of Temple. For the first time in my life I had the surreal experience of taking a full controlled access highway bypass completely around Austin. They’re all toll roads but I guess you win some and you lose some. I crusied along down SH-130…the final link (SH-45SE) just opened on Thursday so I don’t think a lot of people even realize you don’t have to take I-35 staight though Austin anymore (a fact they should advertise heavily in Dallas-Fort Worth, as that heavily populated region seems to produce a solid percentage of 35 drivers clogging their way through Austin). There was a sign on SH-130 that said “San Marcos 35 miles”…and I could actually take that to mean “under 35 minutes” instead of “I’m going 15 miles per hour…so hopefully traffic picks up”.

That’s the upside. The downside is how apparently dangerous the shiny new SH-45SE is at night. I merged onto it at the end of SH-130, and suddenly there were no lights. It’s understandable to a degree, because there isn’t much development out there (yet), but there will be. And, if TXDOT intends for this to be an urban bypass, they might want to make the drive less-than pitch black. I immediately noticed a pool of blood that was likely the remains of a deer that someone hit over the weekend. I’ve never seen a deer on 35 (most of the animals that live near that freeway have probably been wiped out by cars by now), and I’m not used to deer on freeways (occasionally they’re sighted on Mopac) so I kept my cruise control on and my speed at 70 miles per hour.

I thought nothing more off it until about 3 or 4 minutes later, still crusing at 70, a young but not small deer appeared in the lane right in front of me like a ghost. I immediately thought “if I don’t swerve I could die” so I did…and while swerving I thought “If I over-correct I could still wreck my car and get hurt pretty badly”…so I didn’t. Of course, it all happened in a half-second, so my thoughts weren’t quite in full sentences but that gives you an idea of what flashed through my head. It was a jarring experience. I got on I-35 two minutes later and from the flyover bridge I could see thousands of cars going in either direction between Austin and San Marcos…I can’t remember the last time I was actually excited to see I-35…but I was then.

Basically, a new road through rural terrain is going to have deer on it. And, if there are no lights on the freeway, those deer are going to be pretty invisible until they’re in your headlights (there were a few too many cars on the opposite side of the highway for me to put my brights on). This means that until the deer get scared by traffic, or the lighting is improved, there are going to be deer-car collisions on SH-45SE. Considering the amount of money spent on the highway, and the fact that it’s going to be tolled, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that this gets fixed.

So, yea, be careful when you’re driving at night on new highways.

- Jordan

You Said It Kid. You Said It!

2009-05-04T20:54:00.003-05:00

I’d like to start this post by thanking Charlie Day for introducing me to a procession of great and increasingly loud music by bands that are made up of people who are roughly my age, as opposed to being 40 years old and having been in the band since 1986 or whatever. I had previously almost lost hope that bands that made music that I espeically enjoy listening to were going the way of the buffalo.

Actually, the buffalo are making a nice comeback and are no longer endangered and are far from from being extinct. So, I guess in that way, the music I like is still going the way of the buffalo, in that it’s recovering from nearly being hunted to extinction by hipsters and scene kids, who in this case play the role of the Native-Americans and Anglo pioneers driving the buffalo that represent bands that I like off a cliff made out of pretention and petrified scene points. Having killed ska (represented in this analogy by the do-do bird), they needed a new challenge. Emo was too easy. Buy, sucking the fun out of music that was positive and encouraging while still being loud and…um…moshy, that was an accomplishment. It should be noted that the attire of the people pushing the metaphorical buffalo off the cliff is in many cases as outlandish (to a modern perspective) as that which was worn by original Native-Americans.

I want so badly for music to be popularly considered to be simply fun again. No more popularity points based on how many times a band is mentioned at a You Tube party at the Beauty Bar or whether their latest review on Pitchfork passed the necessarily 7.31224 threshold (out of 10.0000) in order to be considered worthy of your precious time. I particularly resent Pitchfork for reasons that I will someday hopefully engage in a cathartic book-writing process about. No more hating ska because “it sucks” or punk because “it’s dead” or hardcore because it’s “too hard”. Music should just be about what you enjoy or don’t enjoy listening to. Bottom line. I may listen to Wolf Parade and Neutral Milk Hotel…but I don’t do so because Pitchfork coronated them into the “indie” royal family…but because I enjoy the music. I listen a lot of bands that can be classified as: punk, ska (*gasp*), ska/punk, hardcore-punk and good old fashioned hardcore (the punk kind more than the metal kind) for the same reasons. If I enjoy listening to a band, then I like them. If I don’t, then I don’t but I try pretty hard to remember that other people may like Fall Out Boy (a band I have never been able to stand listening to) for the same reason…but it’s tempting to overlook that and judge them for it. So, I understand how the scene point system really got going. In fact, I once was falling into that hole where I began to judge bands by what kind of people were into them. Fortunately, I realized that was not the best way to go about it, and music became fun again. I am hoping that I can help other people realize the same thing.

Check out a Buzz N' Bangs show in San Marcos (and hopefully sometime in Austin and other places as well) for a great example of the pure fun that I want music to be again: Another great example is Zlam Dunk...and if you don't like them, then it's whatever but don't just hate on them because you resent that a lot of kids are having fun at their shows. There is going to be a backlash in the next few years involving the reemergence of fun bands and their fans against the tedious scene-point/indie-point doldrums that have taken music hostage. At least, I hope there will be.

- Jordan

The Custom Concern for the People

2009-05-04T01:35:00.004-05:00

“I wake up, just about noon. My head sends a message for me to reach for my shoes and then walk…gotta go to work gotta go to work gotta have a job.”

- Modest Mouse: Custom Concern

The sun rises. I tend to rise later. Some mornings I ride my bike to work and other days I just walk. I don’t have to drive, which is great. In fact, I get to work faster on my bike any way and I can’t even park within 3 blocks of the office any way because it’s a restricted zone. I used to have to work up at 5:30 every morning and drive across the middle of Austin to be at work at 6:30. That is pretty much the number one reason why I went back to school. My current job is part-time during the semester and remarkably flexible. I doubt I will have this kind of control of the use of my time in the future…I might though. I’m learning not to limit myself or whatever my options are.

I’ve been recommended a lot of books in the past few years. I usually get around to 5% of them, and only 20% of those do I actually finish. I didn’t get past the first chapter of one of them because it was written in paragraphs that were commonly one or two very short sentences long. Some people might like that or think that it is post-modern or something, but I just found it to be incredibly annoying. It went kind of like this.

// Here’s a couple of short sentences about something sort of vague. This vague something might have meaning because it’s in a book.

Can you see that it has meaning. In the book?

Books are amazing.

So amazing.//

I just unwittingly put that Kanye West song in my head. I’m not a huge fan or anything, but I heard the song in a commercial earlier today. Commercials are another topic that I could write a semi-sarcastic and moderately apathetic note about. In the interest of avoiding instant hypocracy, I’m extending this paragraph by a couple of sentences. Here is the second sentence in that paragraph extention.

- Jordan

"Show Me Potato Salad!"

2009-04-27T22:44:00.003-05:00

Note: I understand that the Swine Flu outbreak is a potentially serious pandemic situation. However, I've already seen several of these types of situations inflated to a point way beyond a justifiable representation of reality. Therefore, this continual pattern of - potential problem -> 24/7 media saturation of coverage of potential problem -> overblown public panic -> problem not as bad as reported - is something that bothers me.

Who Needs Facts when You Have Twitter?

Apparently the first thing ever to be truly ruined by Twitter is the Centers for Disease Control and White House's attempts to keep people from needlessly panicking over Swine Flu. Currently, the twitter feed for the "#swineflu" topic is going crazy with news posts that may be factual and a ton of panicked worried statements from someone more likely to be dealing in the realm of hysteria rather than fact. Here is a link to a fantastic example of what I'm talking about. The third and smaller category is people who are already so fed up with the hype that they're already poking fun at it.

Perhaps the most odd thing is that the main criticism of the "twisteria" (which I could take credit for making that word up) is coming from the CNN Network...one of many news holes that have been vomiting up hype and getting people panicked, ostensibly because panic is great for ratings. Right now I'm watching panic-tinged comments from a guest on Larry King Live who is described as the "health expert from the Oprah Winfrey show", which I guess makes him more credible than a regular non-Oprah doctor with a sizable portion of the U.S. population. Then again, his name is "Dr. Oz".

"This is a good example of why [Twitter is] headed in that wrong direction, because it's just propagating fear amongst people as opposed to seeking actual solutions or key information," said Brennon Slattery, a contributing writer for PC World.

Interestingly enough, you could replace the word "Twitter" with "Fox News","CNN" or any other major network or internet news site and still take that statement seriously.

Here's what the mass-coverage and growing International panic over Swine Flu reminds me of:

Killer Bees: They were supposed to sting everyone in Texas and the rest of the Southwest to death according to some reports, forcing survivors to flee to Montana or another colder climate where the coming army of "Americanized Honey Bees" couldn't survive (and odd similarity to a zombie attack). The media coverage of the pending beepocalypse was inundating. Of course, the bees mated with regular bees and got more tranquil. There were a few scattered attacked in Texas and Arizona but, basically, they bred themselves out of their killer instinct We survived...somehow.

The "Four Corners Disease" Scare: Also known as, "the Haunta Virus", this epidemic was supposed to basically wipe out all life in the Southwestern United States, before spreading and causing the end of humanity. I'm being a little hyperbolic in describing the way this "outbreak" was covered...but sadly I'm not stretching it that much. I remember the stunned reactions of some my parents friends when they said we were driving to Colorado for a week. People looked as if we would die if we simply passed through Amarillo or Raton. Later, we wouldn't die or contract the disease, just like 99.99999% of the U.S. population. It's since been relegated to an overblown and overhyped something that happened between Killer Bees and Y2K.

Y2K: I don't feel a need to explain this one...except that it's the number one example I cite when I tell people I'm not as worried about [insert media and public panic driven "apocalypse" here] as they are. The few good things that came out of Y2K were a small fraction of the American population living a more environmentally sensible lifestyle (this was probably undone when they were told to consume as much as possible following the 9/11 attacks), one of the best Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" shorts ever made, as well as (in my opinion) my favorite Family Guy episode ("Kaboom").

Honorable mentions from this current decade include: SARS, Anthrax, Bird Flu, West Nile Virus, Ebola, Salmonella (at least four or five of these) and "dirty bombs". Remember when your parents or someone you knew made a mad dash to Home Depot to buy 500 rolls of duct tape because the Department of Homeland Security suggested they should?

Punk Rock was my First Girl, She Left Me a Scar so I Have Her Still

2009-04-22T19:48:00.002-05:00

Jordan Stewart's Punk Rock Summer Camp '09 initial lineup announcement. Sub-genres and related stuff included. This is just the stuff that I already have and already listen to:

Burned Like A Summer Home

2009-04-22T16:27:00.002-05:00

Someone's house going up in flames isn't funny...but this oxymoronic twitter message from KXAN News gave me a chuckle when I first saw it...:

//KXAN_News Controlled fire spreads to home: http://tinyurl.com/cw8pxm//

...then I felt kinda bad when I realized I what I was laughing about.

At least, if the fire is still "controlled", then someone must be getting revenge or something like that.

In retrospect, a Fire Department doing a "controlled burn" on a day where 95+ degree temperatures and 15% humidity were forecast (and happened) wasn't a good call. Hindsight is...

For everyone keeping score at home: The current temperature is 97F with 18% humidity with a 21 MPH wind.

The Rising Sun Brings Little Change to this City with a Stolen Name

2009-04-22T08:18:00.014-05:00

The average Texas county is about the size of the state of Rhode Island, and Texas has 254 of them.

In most counties, there are anywhere from a few to a couple of dozen municipalities. While some of these towns have typical American city names, such as Franklin, Vernon or Columbus, there are quite a few that are far more interesting. In almost any given Texas county, you can find a town or city whose name stands out...even in a state that has a significant share of towns with interesting, descriptive, or downright weird names.

The names I tend to notice and like the most seem to fall into specific categories. They're named after physical features in or near the town, they're in Spanish (and thus a reference to a settlement's age going back to the days of Spanish and Mexican settlement of the Southwest), or they have some kind of connection to a mythical character or story (and names like this, thus, have a story behind them).

Towns named after physical features have a connection through that name to their landscape. Two that I always think of are not even named after features that are all that impressive. Flower Mound, now a booming suburb of Dallas, is named after a small mound covered with flowers just to the east of the original settlement. Round Rock, now a similarly booming suburb of Austin that is transforming into a city in its own right, is named for a, well, round boulder that is found on the shore of Brushy Creek in the original part of town.

There are others, of course. One of my favorites is a small settlement that I've never actually been to called "Notrees" west of Midland. In an almost theological fashion, it's named not for something, but for the absence of it. According to legend, when a settler was picking a name for the place, the lack of trees in the surrounding landscape was so prominent that he found it to be the best description of the place. Apparently the town actually had one native tree before 100% of the community's trees were removed in the construction of a large gas plant.

I like names that are in Spanish because they sound cool, and they can be both a reference to history or to physical landscapes as well. There are plenty of them, especially in the south half of Texas. Spanish settlers only pushed so far before the landscape's difficulties became too much of a barrier for extensive settlement. The footprint they've left can be seen in the gradual transition of river and creek names in Texas from English to Spanish as you drive south in I-35, with the Brazos river (named for it's many arms in West Texas that collect to form the giant river) being the northernmost prominent one. From Waco south, every major stream crossed by I-35 has a spanish name (including the Leon River in Temple, which means "Lion" in Spanish). Many were named for patron saints by Roman Catholic Spanish and Latin-American settlers. Interestingly, the Colorado River and the Red River are both named the "Red River", just in different languages.

I mention the rivers, because almost each one has a town that gets its name from the river, San Antonio included. Some of these towns, such as San Marcos, are located near or around the springs that form the headwaters of their namesake stream. San Marcos is an interesting example of both a name that is derived from a landscape feature as well as a historical reference to when Franciscan settlers apparently found the springs on Saint Mark's day in 1755. Others examples include Blanco, west of San Marcos, which is named for the Blanco river which gets its name from the white limestone rocks that form the bed of the clear stream, and Seguin to the east, which is a historical nod to Texas revolutionary hero Juan N. Seguin. Others such as El Paso (located in a mountain pass), Presidio (named for the historic Spanish fort nearby) and Del Rio (which is next to the Rio Grande) are more self-explanatory. There are also a substantial number of settlements with German names given by German settlers, especially in Central and South-Central Texas. Conversely, in North Texas, there are a significant number of towns, such as Waxahachie, whose current names have Native American origins.

Finally, there are plenty of names of towns in Texas that sound strange, or just are strange, and do not have a straightforward surface explanation. There are a couple I can think of that are simply literary references. Tarzan, Texas is a tiny speck of a place (population 80) on a flat highway west of Big Spring in West Texas. I remember it having a few buildings and a shop that repairs and services oil pump jacks. According to the Handbook of Texas: a settler by the name of Tant Lindsay "submitted a list of possible town names to the post office department. Postal officials chose Tarzan and made Lindsay the first postmaster."

Probably much more famous is Marfa located on a wide plateau in the mountainous Big Bend Region, a town that is well-known for its size due mainly to the presence of a continual community of artists from all over the world that have relocated (or spent time) there since Donald Judd moved there in 1971. The odd name is either derived from a character in the Jules Verne novel Michael Strogoff according to an article from the time in the Galveston Daily News, or Fyodor Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, which apparently the railroad director's wife was reading at the time the town was founded. Having her be the town's name-giver isn't so far fetched because apparently railroad builders in some cases liked to name towns after their wives.

There are plenty of other examples of oddly named cities in Texas such as perhaps the most Texan name of all: Gun Barrel City, as well as Muleshoe, Zorn (a little town between San Marcos and Seguin named for a settler whose name roughly translates to "Anger" in German), Oatmeal (in Burnet County) and Wink (near the New Mexico state line). Some cities were originally given names that are far different than they have today. Austin, for example, was originally called "Waterloo", which is why you see so many references to the name in the city today such as Waterloo Park and Waterloo Records.

Now if I could only figure out where the name Austin comes from.

So Sick, So Sick of being Tired...

2009-04-20T20:18:00.003-05:00

The bro-bar next to the Coffee Pot (Dillinger's: a "killer club") is playing Taking Back Sunday's "Tell All Your Friends" album. This is confusing me on a number of levels. They usually play the kind of music that reminds you of why you stopped listening to the radio. At the moment, they're playing something that I used to listen to constantly, and is now relegated to semi-ironic nostalgic listenings in the car with other people who also listened to the album constantly 5 years ago.

But, aside from two specific establishments (the other one starts with the letter "N-" ends with "-ephew's"...the name says it all), I really like the San Marcos Square. Aside from being a classic Back to the Future style town square, it has other merits in that it's alive during the day (with regular activities) and at night with food and beverage (mostly beverage) consumption. Yeah, it's no 6th Street, but that means less vomit and horse poop. I'll talk more about 6th street in an upcoming post about the things that I actually *don't* like in Austin (unlike most things about the city, which I do like). I was reminded of how refreshingly nice our square is when I visited my old-stomping grounds of Temple (or driving grounds, more accurately, because you were chained to your car there). Downtown Temple has been renevated somewhat, but is still one of the most uninteresting places on Earth...desptie the fact that the city is significantly larger than San Marcos. See also: Bryan, Texas.

I guess my pain point is that cities large and small need to move back downtown...it's great to have stuff going on in the middle of town. No matter what town you're talking about. I think the health of a city is greatly tied too how healthy it is not just in the downtown area, but in the surrounding areas. This is one way in which Austin (on the large scale) and San Marcos (on the small scale) prove to be excellent.

Peace and queso,

- Jordan

In Defense of My Friends in San Marcos who Ride Fixed Gear Bikes

2009-03-03T01:13:00.000-06:00

This note is written as a response to this opinion column published in the University Star on Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009. I felt compelled to write it so that there will be a defense coming from someone who also does not ride a fixed gear bike, but obviously has a far different (and substantially more qualified) impression of the lives, attitudes and character of those in San Marcos who chose to do so, several of whom I consider to be close friends, and two of which are my roommates.

Link to article: http://star.txstate.edu/content/fixed-gear-biking-just-useless-fad

---

In Defense of SM-Fixed

- Jordan Stewart

March 3, 2009

San Marcos-

I should begin by clarifying that I do not have a fixed gear bike. I do not plan on ever having one. However, I am friends with more than several people that ride fixed and I hang out with them regularly. Many of my other closer friends who do not ride fixed (or even bikes at all) are friends with, and hang out, with those same fixed gear riders. How can this be you ask? Aren't they a snobby self-absorbed fad-crazed group of nihilistic snobs?

I think what has been forgotten here is that maybe every "group" in San Marcos isn't exactly like those similar groups in larger cities like N.Y. or San Francisco (or anywhere in the U.S.). Maybe, just maybe, being San Martians and all, they're concerned about not leaving people out or being so superficial as to base their friendships on what people own, not on who they are. Here's the deal, the people described in this article are nothing...nothing at all like the guys that I am friends with, and go to gatherings with and friends that I see almost every day.

I also understand that, considering the tone with which this article was written, invoking NASCAR and the confederate flag has no purpose except to be as insulting as possible. It’s also so absurd that it really takes away from whatever point it is that is trying to be made (I can only get a vague sense of one, to be honest). The same can be said for UGG boots. Attempts to use this imagery are only done to cast a completely unrelated group in a negative tone. This can be a brilliant Karl Rove style (see, I just did it) tactic in political advertising and campaigning…but is ill-suited here unless the purpose is simply to stir up emotionally-seated animosity toward the fixed gear crew here among the general “enlightened” populace.

Here’s a quick geography lesson that I think will help with this: Higher order places (i.e. Los Angeles) dominate and influence lower order centers (i.e. Austin…which in turn culturally, economically and politically influences San Marcos). It perfectly logical to think that activities enjoyed by larger groups in larger cities (i.e. San Francisco and New York), might also be enjoyed by smaller groups in smaller cities such as the Austin-Central Texas area. One of these things enjoyed by people in both larger and smaller cities could be fixed gear bikes. It shouldn’t be a shock that people in smaller cities look to bigger cities for inspiration and ideas…that’s how it’s almost always worked in almost ever facet of life. This is made possible through the magic of technology, namely the internet…which makes places like Austin culturally capable of a lot more connectivity with other cities that it may have much in common with (such as Portland) than it used to because of the distance between the cities.

What's strange is that, after verbally flogging the San Marcos fixed gear riders with a scornful lashing of stinging insults and bewilderingly vague behavioral condemnation...the article becomes very self-engrossed and morphs into a verbose pat on the back to the author and his own “evolved” choice of bike. In fact, it takes on a tone that is almost purposefully like the kind of supposed attitude that the author feels is reflected by the fixed gear community in San Marcos towards himself and toward others. This came across as extremely odd.

I have never caught dirty looks from kids on fixed gear bikes when I am walking or riding my own second-hand road bike (being friends with many of them may also be a reason for the absence of malicious stares)...and I firmly believe that the impression that the fixed gear riders here are some sort of stuck-up clique are extremely unfair and inaccurate...and I know this because it is proven to me every day. In fact, some of the most inclusive people I know can be seen skidding (safely and skillfully with no brakes needed) to stops all over San Marcos and Austin. You could also, for a moment, consider the fact that the physical exertion sometimes needed to ride a bike on one of the hilliest college campuses anywhere might lead to some strange strained facial expressions, especially after riding uphill for a while. I theorize that most of the time these tired looks are not anything personally directed against the author.

I could go on a point by point rebuttal...but I'll save that for something else, and I am also giving the benefit of the doubt to the possibility that this is just some weird social-experiment. Even if it is, the amount of (I feel) undeserved consternation, drama and strife that it is creating in our extremely laid-back and comparatively peaceful town is not at all justified...even if this is just a big ruse. But, even if that’s the case, no matter how funny the punch-line is…it’s not worth sitting through the painful and aggravating reading of the joke…or the unneeded discord that it has brought.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope it makes an impact on anyone who doesn't know or respect these guys as much as I do.

Peace and queso,

- Jordan

This Place is a Prison, and these People Aren't Your Friends

2009-02-10T03:00:00.001-06:00

"...Oh dear God, what a tangled web we weave..."
- At the Drive In

I've often thought of the prospect of writing about Facebook...on Facebook...as being either kind of lame, or simply a reflection of a lack of ideas of things to write about that are actually substantive. However, I've realized something about this weird place inhabited by 150,000,000 people (and rapidly growing) that I think is actually worth knowing. Also, a few small-time publications have been writing about Facebook lately, such as Newsweek... which featured one of their writers announcing that he was quitting Facebook ...on the pages of the internationally read magazine's website...as well as Time Magazine's recent Twenty-five Things I Didn't Want to Know About You... which featured a "reporter" complaining about the sudden omnipresence of the "25 'random' things about me" lists that have been multiplying faster than the woman in L.A. who just had fertility-science assisted Octuplets...to follow up on having 6 previous kids.

My reason, unlike the aforementioned professional journalist-types, for writing about the Face-maze, is that I have finally found something in the tangible and physical world that we still (yes, even you World of Warcraft kids) actually inhabit that I can use to describe exactly what Facebook is. And that real-life concept is that of the panopticon. Now, I could go ahead and explain what a panopticon is, but instead I'm just going to discuss the concept through some observations I've had during the 4 or 5 years I've been on Facebook...and watching the steadily eroding remnants of anonymity as it has gone from it's original status as the secure and relatively "private" and controlled college alternative to MySpace to a wide-open anyone can join slightly less jumbled and sleazy alternative to Myspace. I guess another alternative that you, the reader, has is clicking on the link I just posted. But, realistically, who clicks on hyperlinks before they finish reading an article? And who really bothers to finish articles with lots of hyperlinks in almost every sentence. They're ultimately there to back up what I'm saying, but for the most part they're there to make me look smart for having found them and put them there.

The thing that has gradually become more and more unnerving to me is the propensity to gain a feeling that hardly anyone knows what I'm doing or saying when I write one someone's facebook wall or announce something on an event page. But, in reality, that statement is immediately accessible to all of my "friends" on Facebook, as well as anyone on Facebook who is in the Austin, TX network (because I have, perhaps mistakenly, enabled my privacy settings to allow that). There is a stream of warnings and stories in the online popular press and on blogs about people being fired for posting things on Facebook that, were they thinking more prudently, they shouldn't have. One survey found that managers doing background searches on potential hires have had their jobs made much easier through the easy ability to research those candidates on social networking sites, mainly MySpace and Facebook. According to the survey, roughly one third of those searches lead to instant rejections due to the overtly personal content that is often posted on those sites. Additionally, there is little substantial legislation on any level in the United States concerning limiting employers ability to consider Facebook pages and other online information when selecting among job applicants. With this in mind, I am often amazed at the sheer amount of potentially career damaging information people place on Facebook. It is even more amazing to me than the amount of personal contact info that is submitted to the site. I'm guilty of the, but not so much of the first part...although with the ability for anyone to tag anyone in a photo on Facebook, it's becoming harder for anyone to keep personal indiscretions from being documented on the site...even if they are not actually "on Facebook" themselves. However, I have certainly fallen victim to the panoptical nature of Facebook by saying rather personal things on people's public walls, instead of sending them a message. It is easy, it seems, to be lulled into equating public Facebook interaction with private conversations...and this is assisted by the ever more intrusive Facebook "news feed"...which caused a tremendous amount of controversy on the site when it suddenly and without much warning began altering the "friends" of everyone on Facebook to almost every single thing that their other "friends" were doing or saying publicly...even if a lot of those things were done within a context that treated them as at least "semi-private", which naturally adds a level of sensitivity to what is being said, even if it is in all reality completely public among that person's community of friends.

I'm not the first person to bring up the concept of a "participatory panopticon" in reference to the online world. However, the moment I found out what the word meant after seeing it used in an interview, and then looking it up, I immediately thought of Facebook. The word panopticon was derived from the name of a style of prison designed by an English social theorist. Inmates of such a prison are led to believe by the design of the circular building that they are sometimes living in relative privacy, when in reality then can and for the most part would be under constant surveillance. Like someone behind a one-sided mirror (or a suspect who's phone may or may not be bugged by investigators), the prisoners are unable to tell when exactly they are or are not being watched. Clearly, an obvious allusion to Facebook in that a user cannot tell who else is looking, or has looked at, the page on which they are writing some piece of personal information. Likewise, almost anyone in your "networks" (in my case, Texas State University and Austin, TX) may or may not have looked at your page in the last hour. There is no way to tell for sure...you can limited the viewing of your Facebook page to only people who you have accepted as friends on the site, but you still can't tell how they are observing you. Despite this, many people (including myself) often operate on Facebook as if they only people that are cognizant of that they are communicating is they and the person they are communicating with. And, with the expansion of Facebook to older generations who previously avoided much in the way of online social-networking, more and more parents, teachers and bosses will be aware of what their underlings are doing when they're "not around". The fact that interview advice sources have to tell people to take their half-naked drunken pictures off of facebook is a sign, not just of mass stupidity, but of the fact that the panoptical nature of Facebook is much stronger than a lot of people realize. Also, concern exists that Facebook may be (or already is) taking advantage of the taking advantage of the vast store of personal information (age, phone numbers, interests, addresses and the like) that the site's millions of users (including myself) have freely provided to them over the past 5 to 6 years, by using data mining to enhance "targeted" advertisement sales. Some have gone so far as to speculate that Facebook is working with the Department of Homeland Security and the C.I.A. and allowing those agencies to mine their data in order to hunt down subversive and/or terrorist groups in the U.S. These allegations are less substantiated and may be the result of something understandably and psychologically common to those inside of a panopticon, which is paranoia. Still, who knows the limits to which information on the internet is actually safe from outside parties.

The reality is that, in this participatory panopticon in which we have, en mass, placed ourselves, we can never be sure as to who is watching. I'm not the type to lose sleep over this sort of thing, but I do like to point it out because so many go about their daily lives on Facebook as if no one, not even their friends, are watching them at a given point in time. I'm okay with it for now because I am beginning to see this as one of the most fascinating social-changes in the recent history of human life in Planet Earth. And, of course, we are all free to cut away from Facebook at any time. But, there seems to be a protective culture among many facebook users that I have observed that reminds me of my favorite episode of the Simpsons: the one involving the Movementarians, the cult that Homer Simpson signs up his family to join...where anyone who tries to leave is met with a bright-light shining on them and a loud voice saying "you're free to leave at any time, but would you mind telling us why?...". [JS]

Maybe I'm Being Selfish, Maybe I'm Just Scared

2009-02-05T02:32:00.001-06:00

The idea of romantic love seems so fictional to me right now.

Every girl I know that I could see myself dating is either taken, or doesn't seem to think I exist...until they are dating someone. What is it that scares them away from me? Or maybe I'm the one who's scared.

And now here comes Valentines Day". The day pushed by corporate America to make up for the post-Christmas lull by guilt tripping people to spend a lot of money on their significant other...because "it's Valentines Day". Or, if you're single you're supposed to find a date to spend money on, even if you never talk to that person again. Or...if you can't find a date you're supposed to feel miserable and less important and less of a human being because you don't have a date on Valentine's Day. It's so fucked up. I've never had a date on Valentines Day. I don't know why, that's just the way things have happen. I've dated people (not all that much but I have), but not on Valentines Day.

People have been telling me that "God has someone out there for me"...and they're very well meaning for doing so...but since that has tortuously failed to ever fully materialize, does that mean I blame God for it? It doesn't make sense. I don't know why I write these notes. I hate them, but I'm so miserable ultimately deep down about it that I can't just talk about it. And I don't think that people understand, although I'm sure they do. I just have a more long-term case with this than most.

I know that "dating around" isn't a solution. I'm afraid that more and more I'm going to look for a solution in temporary stuff that is not satisfying. But then, I'm also incredibly fearful and I need someone to be with who understands that and knows how to calm that fear. I've only had experience with girls that are nerve-wracking to date (but I still cared about them enough to put myself through the emotional roller coaster of hell that it was) because they are so "unsure if this is for real" and then suddenly it's not real and I'm left in the cold. I always feel embarrassed after writing these because I'm just admitting to being a loser...or something...either way my pride takes a hit with each revealing note. I need an outlet for this. I need somebody to love me more than someone who is simply a "great friend" can love me. I need to love someone. I pour so much time into my friends because they're all I have, but I still can't share everything with them.

I thought this would be prolonged when I came back to San Marcos. For some reason, this place seems devoid of girls with which I could actually connect with well enough to have a relationship with...well, those that I know I could are flat out taken...or maybe I've tried with them already and it didn't work. Most of the girls I've met that I could see myself having a chance with (and it being a good match) are in other places. It's sad. It sucks. I don't know what to do. I'm just getting older...and, like for Matthew McConaghey's character noted in Dazed and Confused...the girls "stay the same age". That's good for a creep but not so much for me. I don't know what girls think of me. I don't know anything about how I come off to them. I think they're scared of me, and the only reason I am friends with girls when they're already in relationships is because they're safely in a relationship.

Dammit I hate writing about this. Why am I doing this? I feel like I've wasted years of my life on dwelling on thoughts like this.

Goodnight.

- Jordan

I Didn't Understand

2009-01-26T21:24:00.001-06:00

I am coming to terms with the fact that some (a lot of) people think very differently than me and always will. As such, I have decided I will probably never understand the following:

- Why some people stay inside when they're not working and don't have much else to do and it's a really nice day

- Why some people playing video games all of the time instead of having a consistent social life or passing their classes

- Why some value nothing over how much money they make or will make someday

- Why some never question why the believe what they believe, or vote the way they do (if they vote)

- Why some don't think voting is at all important

- Why girls often date douchebags and shy away from guys who would actually treat them like a human being (same goes for some guys with girls I guess)

- Why dude-bros and others think driving a big truck enlarges their manhood in anyway

- Dude-bros in general

- Why some people flat out hate the environment, and any policy that preserves any part of it

- The idiots who think Barack Obama is somehow a Muslim

- Racism in general

- Why so many people "only watch Fox News". I'm a liberal and I don't just watch MSNBC. Sometimes I even check out what extreme-right wing thing that Fox News is saying.

- Why some refuse to read things that they think they will disagree with. "The sign of an educated mind is the ability to entertain a thought without accepting it."

- The general anti-intellectualism that is holding sway over a good part of the electorate (especially the modern GOP - For example, see: "Sarah Palin was qualified to be President")

- Why Fall Out Boy is so popular...I really don't understand it

- Why some would rather eat at IHOP than Kerbey Lane or Magnolia Cafe

- Why some don't see the importance of supporting the few local businesses we have left in any given city (it's a suburban mentality, but I didn't really grow up in the suburbs)

- Those who lack a sense of humor in most areas

- Street racing (killed one of my best friends who was innocent, an ultimate form of narcissism)

- People who don't understand why the "N-word" is offensive to a lot of people, or don't understand the history of civil rights and racism in the U.S. in general. See also: people who refuse to admit the Civil War was primarily about slavery so as to feel better about thinking that the South was "okay". See also: people who don't see why so many people are offended by the confederate flag, or think that it should still be flown over capital buildings in places like South Carolina

- People (especially who aren't from Central Texas) that think Texas is way better than any other place in the U.S. I like to think that this part of Texas is better than most places, but is Houston better than San Diego? Or Amarillo a better place to live than Portland or the Colorado Rockies? Let's be realistic...

- People who enjoy Mexican food, driving on freeways or living in a new house, and then complain about the immigrants that made them.

- Interior state (mainly Republican) politicians like Tom Tancredo and Mitt Romney who think they know more about the border than people in TX, CA, NM and AZ.

- Why some people think onions taste good. I can't imagine the idea of onions tasting like anything other than rocky dirt soaked in urine.

- Aggies, anything about Aggies, Aggie traditions, pretty much anything about Texas A&M - Believe me, I know a lot about that place and the way it is, but to this day I still don't see the appeal.

- Why some don't understand why driving slower in the left lane of the freeway is a bad idea (for your safety, and the 50 or so cars bunching up behind the semi that you're not passing)

- How some people can believe that being poor (even in the U.S.) is somehow always a choice and that everyone is born with an equal chance to be rich (which involves equal education opportunities, but who really believes a kid in Southlake and a kid in South Dallas have an equal start?) everyone who is poor is lazy and chooses to be. It's just flat out wrong and untrue. See also: The belief that no one on welfare has a job (often they have two or three and are supporting their kids alone).

- The use of a single weather event (a hurricane, a blizzard in north Texas or a heat wave in Seattle) as evidence for or against long-term Climate change (most Global warming detractors and people like Al Gore are guilty of this). Seriously...

- The propensity for so many to believe anything the read or see on the internet

- People who move to Central Austin and complain about noise from live music venues

- How anyone that's not a vegetarian could not like In-N-Out burgers

- Oklahoma...I just don't get it

To Find Someone You Love, You've Got To Be Someone You Love

2009-01-14T03:59:00.001-06:00

I thing I learned things today, well at least I had euphonious moments today were I realized some things. It's usually stuff I already new, but either I forget about it or I decide it's not important (even if it really actually is) and then forget about it (at least temporarily).

On Jealousy

Jealousy is an awful thing. Everyone deals with it at some level. Everyone envies something. So much of the greed that rots our society (and politics) simply emanates from basic forms for envy and jealousy. I have so much in my life that I am blessed with that I know a lot of people could be jealous of...in spite of that, I deal with jealousy of things I don't have that I percieve would make my life more complete (of course, this perception is hardly reality but when in a self-absorbed state of mind it's easy to bend reality to fit with what you think you need).

When it comes to falling for the jealousy trap, which is something that can rob you of even a basic appreciation for what one has to be thankful for, there are several pitfalls that I experience. A natural one for me (and probably the most significant) is with girls and relationships. I'm not the type to be "the jealous type" in a relationship...I would want a girlfriend/wife/whatever to have other friends and have a life outside of just me. The jealousy I'm talking about is an extreme jealousy of people who are currently in successful relationships. This is not a malicious jealousy...if a friend or someone I care about is in a good relationship I want that to flourish because I want the best for that friend, which also means in the case of a bad relationship I'll be honest about how I see it, but not to the point where I would sabotage anything. In my life I have been solicited by my closest friends for relationship advice and given some surprisingly good advice that in many cases was in retrospect proven to be the right call. This, however, doesn't mean that I myself know much about what to do with my own life because my track record of starting and maintaining anything resembling a romantic relationship with someone is at best disappointing, and at worst abysmal (I see it as one or the other, depending on how good I am feeling about myself at the time).

I'm not the "jealous type" as a boyfriend, I know that for sure. I will always want my girlfriend/wife/whatever to have other friends and a life outside of just me (although of course I would want them to be as faithful to me as I would be to her). But, my lack of success (at least as society would define it) in relationships has led to the development (over year after year) of an often intense jealousy toward people in relationships (even if that relationship has obvious problems). I often feel this so strongly that it's hard to be around couples who are showing any kind of affection for each other. In fact, I have realized that this is a bigger issue for me than I originally thought. I've recognized that I get jealous feelings towards other people around me when they are simply getting attention from a cute girl, whether or not that attention is romantic in nature, or even regardless of whether I am attracted to that girl or interested in her. I feel that this is a significant problem not only to my prospects of finding someone to fully share my life with, but also with my relationships with friends or with girls that are my friends.

With this in mind, I should point out that it's difficult for me to be more than acquaintances with girls that are in a relationship with another dude. For one thing, I might be jealous. Or, I would not want to do anything that would undermine that relationship (even if I'm jealous of it). I think that due to the limited amount of time that I've spent in relationships, I have a hard time being close friends to a girl that I have things in common with or get along with without feeling romantically attracted to them at some point. It happens a lot of times (with a few notable exceptions). But, self-confidence issues and fear keep me from pursuing anything further, or worse, that girl finds someone else to be with. Or, I find out that they're with someone after starting to have feelings for them. That's the worst. Both guys and girls should be up front with friends of the opposite sex about their relationship status. It may seem like an awkward thing to talk about up front but it's far less awkward than the alternative...trust me.

My jealousy is rooted in the fear that I will never find someone to share my life with. That would be tragic. I feel that I would be a really good boyfriend etc...although I'm not perfect. No one is. That shouldn't be a standard. People are so caught up looking for the "right" guy or girl that they may simply be waiting for someone that really doesn't exist. That said, I'm not attracted to every girl I meet, and that usually has a lot more to do with personality than anything else. I may not believe in perfect matches...but everyone does have a type. I hope I am someone's type. I feel that I'm kind of a rare personality...it's hard to define or explain. Kind of like if you need a blood transplant, but have a rare blood type, it may take longer to find a match and there's a greater risk (it would seem) that you won't find another person with that match at all.

He's Moving Now to a Different Beat

2009-01-12T02:25:00.001-06:00

The title of this note is the last sentence I heard before the cops arrived.

This past week was amazing. My birthday was incredible. Here's how it went:

I took the day off work and just hung around San Marcos with my best friends/neighbors. It was 72 degrees, sunny with no humidity...just how I would want the weather to be on my birthday. About 5 p.m. we went to the Taproom...Brett got my dinner and everyone else got everything else. Brett handed me a square piece of paper on which was handwritten: "Spurs vs. Rockets admit 1". The dudes read my mind...I had been talking about going to see the Spurs play another Western rival for weeks...a group of us are going to go and the other guys paid for my ticket. It was a really great surprise. Almost 20 people...all of whom are my friends...appeared at the Taproom (which is one of my favorite spots on Planet Earth, at least the spots that I've been too, which I'll mention in a later note about my favorite spots on Planet Earth)...that shouldn't have surprised me but it did. The level to which everyone was nice to me on my birthday still has me in awe days later. All day, Brett had been mentioning that he and the other guys in Zlam Dunk (almost all of whom were at the Taproom, minus Ross and Tim who were going to come down later when they could) had to go into Austin to meet with their manager at Chuy's (which made sense because they had met him there for the first time) and talk about the upcoming EP and such. This plan had been mentioned to me a few times throughout the day and in phone conversations Brett had with his bandmates. So I fully believed that they were headed to Austin but they promised they would be back as soon as the meeting was over. Things were wrapping up at the Taproom as Walch bought a round for anyone interested (which couldn't have been cheap and was much appreciated).

I got the waitresses attention so that she could get the bill so the 5/7ths of Zlam Dunk that were there would have time to make it to Austin. As everyone left, Baker and Walch said we should go around the corner to another place and I went along not thinking much of it. I knew that the party would eventually move to his place ("White Castle") and that we would be over there afterward as well and that most of the crowd would go there early. This made some sort of surprise seem inevitable but I didn't know what was up so I didn't think about it and figured that the surprise would be better that way. I was give an hour of free (for myself) distraction at the Showdown with Baker, Walch, Zach and Ben...Zach and I teamed up to beat Baker and Ben at pool. After an hour...Baker drove me over to his place.

I was a little nervous at this point as to what the surprise would be. I had an idea that perhaps Zlam was going to do something for me later that night, just a hunch, but they were probably just now driving back from Austin. We pulled up to the White Castle on M.L.K...we parked...there were a couple people out front but Baker said to go to the backyard. So I did...and there was everyone...the first person I noticed that wasn't at Taproom was Garrett so I greeted him appropriately (with some serious bro-grabs). But the first thing I noticed was a band set up with a p.a. and instruments and drums and everyone. It was freakin' Zlam Dunk. I couldn't figure out how they had gotten back from Austin in time to do all of the work and play a show...later I would ask if they had actually gone to Austin. The answer was no...but Brett had done such a good job of making me think that they had that I was really confused (but happy) at this point. Coolest surprise of my life.

Certain thoughts went through my head:

'I can't believe they're doing this for me'.

'How did they get back from Austin in time to do this'.

'This is a lot of work just to do this for me'.

'We're outside and it's night on a weekday and we're in a very quiet residential neighborhood, so the cops will probably be here in 15 minutes'.

It took a couple of minutes into the first song (Patrick, the new one that's really good) for me to settle down and just enjoy it but I was able too. Then they went into Vice...I was still almost in too much surprised shock...but I was enjoying every second because I seriously couldn't believe that I had this many friends who cared about me this much. Well, I knew that I did, and now that knowledge was being validated in the best possible way. After the bridge I was ready to jump into the middle of those dudes and go nuts for the final part of the song...but before I did I looked over and saw two San Marcos police officers talking to a couple of my friends outside the backyard. 'That was fun but the show's over and I'm not surprised but whatever...' was my basic thought process. I tapped Charlie on the shoulder and after about ten seconds the music came to a halt like a boulder finally resting after an avalanche.

I stood around with the guys and our friends waiting a little anxiously to see if a ticket would be issued. Chachi came back and told us that it was just going to be a warning. Everyone was a little miffed that the show was stopped so fast but I tried to make sure everyone knew that I wasn't surprised by that, but that I was very much surprised at the surprise show and how promptly it happened. Taylor gathered some of the dudes around and broke into a cool sounding acoustic version of "Feet on Fire"...but that was stopped short due to nervousness that the cops would come back and transform the warning into a noise violation ticket. I tried to communicate as much as possible that they cool part was that they simply put so much time and effort into setting the whole thing up.

The rest of the night was almost as magical. Hanging out...a trip to Taco C before a drive out to Devil's Backbone (my idea, kind of off the cuff) to hang out and look at the stars and stuff. I used to go out there with friends at night sometimes, but hadn't in quite a while. I'm really thankful to have lived that day...it wasn't far off from how I would imagine heaven to be. Me, my friends, and one of the best and most caring and loving displays I have ever received from them.

Thanks to anyone that was there and especially thanks to everyone who was involved and double especially thanks to Brett (for being awesome at pulling off a surprise and for the Spurs ticket idea) and Baker for being the MVP of the pre-show part of the night and too all of the guys in Zlam and to everyone that helped them transport and load their stuff so that they could have a show in a backyard. And also thanks to SMPD for responding to their calls so fast, but for also being understanding enough not to ticket White Castle. Considering the circumstances and geography of the event, things could not have gone better. It was the birthday that I have always wanted to have. There's so much that happened that I could write about, and that I will definitely remember after many more birthdays have passed. It was, for lack of a better word (there really isn't a better word), totally gnarly.

- Jordan

I Can't Hear with these Clouds in My Ears

2009-01-06T02:28:00.000-06:00

Jan 5.

Back early from what I thought was going to be an extended road trip, I went back into work. The office was quieter than usual but pretty relaxed as well so I didn't mind and was fairly productive. I will have to be more productive in other areas of life very soon but for the moment I am enjoying a time of intense relaxation. 2009 so far has been quite a good year. The weather is cooler than normal (still can't complain) and it was cloudy today but it didn't rain (as usual). The absence of rainfall (it's been months since we've had more than a few hundredths of an inch in a single day) is making allergies and stuff like that more prevalent and I'm noticing it for sure. Tomorrow the sun is back and it should be sunny and 70 degrees on my birthday (Wednesday)...perfect.

Jon Z. called me...I need to call that dude back. It's 3 a.m. there so I'm going to wait until tomorrow.

My first resolution for the new year was simple, write something every day...so here it is.

The second is to stop needlessly (and annoyingly) apologize for things that I don't need to apologize for (mainly out of insecurity)...so far so good on that as well. If I ever do anything that actually needs apologizing for, then I'll act accordingly...but most of the time when I've said "I'm sorry"...it's usually out of insecurity and to make sure that people like me as much as possible and don't think I'm a jerk...but this has been a deluded state of mind because really it's all about me and not about the person I'm supposedly apologizing to for something that may or may not be bad, or may or may not be my fault.

I'm glad that so many of my friends that are students have jobs in San Marcos that require them to be here during some of the break. It's so nice to have people around while this town is in a state of pure-mellowness. It's a mellow enough place with people here...but without so many people it's almost perfect. I'm just going to appreciate that for what it is, and when the hustle and bustle of the semester begins...I'll hopefully appreciate that as well.

I hope this note finds you doing well. Take time to appreciate the things you have...I go too long sometimes without doing that myself and it's not healthy.

Also...This Will Destroy You's self-titled album was my favorite album of 2008. The fact that they are actually from San Marcos happens to be a bonus...and I think the experiences I've had while listening to that album, and the landscapes that I've passed (either around Austin/San Marcos, or in West Texas, or even in Germany...where it simply reminded me of Texas) while listening to it have made it even better. But it's a great album even if you listened to it while never leaving your room for your whole life. It's like poetry without words. I don't know how they've pulled off what they have done with this album...but they've pulled it off.

Peace and such,

- Jordan

We Carry On...We Sing Our Songs

2009-01-05T02:36:00.000-06:00

Jan 3-4

For the first time in my life I went to Houston and was actually excited about going there. Zlam Dunk (better known as my friends who happened to be in Zlam Dunk) played their first show outside of the I-35 corridor region at Java Jazz in the North Houston area. Several other friends made the trip out for the show including Baker, Danny G. Sara and Emily. Glynn was already out there. Driver F got Zlam on the bill for the show which was a huge favor considering how well-liked they are in that particular region. Despite some strange equipment problems, among other things, their set was a smash success. I'm really happy for them because I think it cracked open a door there.

Houston is a difficult place though in a lot of ways. It's large, kind of the anti-Austin in a lot of respects...and as far as live music culture goes it was a real culture shock to see how a non-bar suburban venue (in a shopping mall next to a swingers club...weird right? Houston has no zoning laws and little regulation on out things develop so you get weird mixtures of businesses and things there) operated compared to the live music bars and venues in Austin that have to compete with several dozen other venues in a much smaller city on the same night. The crowd was a lot younger and the venue had some things that were pretty unnecessary...among them:

- A barricade in front of the stage. Good maybe for bigger metal shows (which they sometimes manage to book) but not at all needed for a show like this one

- No re-entry for anyone not in a band (even over 21). In the suburbs, when you're not serving alcohol, and everyone who pays to get in gets a highly visible and very recognizable java jazz wristband...this restriction was about as needed as a swat team at summer camp.

Weirdness of the venue experience aside (and the fact that 95% of the crowd appeared to be high school or younger, also very different from a downtown Austin show) things went well and it was definitely worth the trip for them to get that kind of exposure in a new area. They got massive props after the show. Also, Driver F's set was awesome..."Destroyed in Seconds" awesome. Great night. Afterward we made a 45 minute crosstown trek to Vega's parents house. They were ridiculously hospitable to us (a group totaling something like 15-180 people) and made some of the best breakfast I've had in a while. Migas type stuff with homemade tortillas, awesome homemade salsa, beans and picadillo (if you don't know what it is, just know that it's delicious).

Before heading back to San Marcos, we went out to Galveston. It was interesting to see how the city is doing after Hurricane Ike. I wish it were doing better than it apparently is. It was still a fun afternoon.

This weekend was amazing. I have the best friends I could ever imagine having. I'm back in San Marcos now (and happy to be back for sure) and at a loss to explain how blessed I am.

- Jordan

I Hope the Weather Holds

2009-01-03T04:38:00.001-06:00

Jan 2, 2009.

So much I want to write about, but I need to sleep in a big way. Zlam Dunk owned everything tonight at the Mohawk. The place was totally packed and several decent bands played. It was a great night. Magnolia Cafe at 3 a.m. is better than almost anything. I'm going to Houston with everyone tomorrow...I haven't been there in a year and a half and I haven't been excited about going there in...well...I've never been excited about going there. But tomorrow I actually am. I just hope the weather out there is nice tomorrow.

My brother is going back to the Army early tomorrow, his leave is over. It was great to have my whole family together for the first time since the past summer. It's in the 60's at night, in January, I can't complain about that. Supposed to be in the 80's in Austin tomorrow. 18 days until Obama is finally inaugurated...something I've been looking forward to for quite some time. I could write a ton of things about political stuff but I am too tired to bother and usually it's not productive anyway.

- Jordan

I Wish the World were Flat Like the Old Days

2009-01-01T21:56:00.003-06:00

Today I took a quick trip up to Temple to see my family and specifically my brother Justin who is on leave from the Army until Saturday. He's stationed in Georgia while training before being deployed overseas (but likely not to the Middle East, thankfully). I think he made a great decision to go into the Army, even though it's tough sometimes I can tell it's really positive for him.

My hometown-area of Temple/Belton, Texas is still the same even though it's been growing a great deal. The only real changes really are that there are even more chain restaurants, stores and subdivisions...with the only other change being that none of my best friends from there are ever there anymore. Either they've moved on, or in many cases, their families have moved on to somewhere else...probably someplace more interesting. Temple's still okay I guess if you like excessive and near-constant wind, Starbucks, and flat landscapes, Republicans, dispersed and pointlessly sprawling urban spaces, and driving on streets with people who are shockingly bad at driving cars. Everyone either drives like a really old lady or a 16-year-old. There's a mall with one story and a movie theater. The movie theater is usually packed due to the high amount of disposalble income vs. the lack of things to do. Temple, as a large medical center (mainly because of Scott and White Hospital, where my dad and many of my friend's moms and dads have worked over the years) has more doctors per capita than any other city in the United States...and yet most of them have to still drive (thankfully, just an hour) to Austin if they want to do something out of the ordinary.

Growing up, I was reminded by the smaller and more dull places I would see while driving to other places in Texas, that there were far worse places to live. Being close enough to Austin to be able to easily go to shows there or to avert stir-craziness was a plus...but only being an hour away from a place that radically different (and in my opinion much livelier and better) makes the urge to grow up and leave that painfully average place even stronger. I've known several people who have just upped and moved to Austin, even without getting a job first, just to achieve that almost universal dream of every kid in Bell County of actually living in Austin instead. It was a primary factor in my decision to live in an apartment in South Austin for one of the years that I attended Texas State. I had only lived in the dorms there so I had not yet been able to fully appreciate San Marcos (I definitely do now). And while it was preferable to Temple for sure (and closer to downtown Austin) I still had that need to finally live in a larger city (San Marcos is smaller than Temple, but much cooler, especially for its size). So I did, and it was alright. But, school was far less enjoyable and I didn't connect with my community in San Marcos quite as well (although it was not a social disaster either and in fact I did a lot of growing up living self-supported financially on my own with roommates in Austin). Another equally important factor was, as a financially independent student, I really needed a job that paid the bills and I found it in West Austin. Thus, my apartment was a logical halfway point between work and school. I'm glad to be in San Marcos instead now though, it's a much better fit for me now than it would have been then. I just needed to experience more to understand what I truly liked. I think more people should take those kinds of leaps even if they are not sure it will be better for them...you can't find out unless you actually try to find out. I think all of my experiences over the past few years have led to more agreeable results even if they led to some temporarily very disagreeable circumstances.

My goal is to write something on a journal every day during 2009. I might not accomplish that, but in the attempt I am sure that I will write more. Today at my Grandparent's house I plucked the Diaries of Ronald Reagan (surprise!...remember what I said about Republicans?) off of their shelf. It was fascinating to see the rather human nature of what was written coming from a famous American President. Personal notes, reflections and exclamations of emotion about friends, family and sports interspersed with the geopolitical and national political stuff going on in the nation that he was currently supervising. It was also interesting that he didn't write ever day...sometimes he would cover two or three days in a short note, which is what I usually end up doing when I try to write something every day. I doubt he would have kept such an extensive diary without the goal or writing in it every day...it's a natural goal. But what I gathered is that I shouldn't feel too down if I don't always 100% achieve what I set out to do...because even the most accomplished among us are not always able to accomplish 100% of what they set out to do either. I shouldn't let the fear of not finishing what I set out to do keep me from striving for goals or setting out to do or try new things.

Cheers,

- Jordan

I'm Nonetheless the Librarian

2008-12-08T01:32:00.001-06:00

I hate the Alkek Library...as a place to study. It's a giant cold box of doom. But it's 1:30 a.m. and I have no other feasible resort. I also forgot my headphones. Which is great because I am in the first floor (a.k.a. basement) lounge, the only place you can under the rules eat or drink anything in this hellish Orwellian future world. That also means there are vending machine noises, emo scene kid dude talking on his phone, people coughing because they probably have the flu...but hey it's finals week so I'm going to study. I've done that, it literally almost killed me. If you have the flu, talk to your professors, they would probably rather you take a make up exam than end up in the hospital with a severe and life-threatening (without hospitalization) case of pneumonia... unable to eat or drink anything. There's a TV on in the corner playing some extreme sports bloopers show. It and the internet are my only contact with the outside world from this cave inside the Balcones Escarpment. This once was an active fault line. It would be pretty cool if it got active again. It would rid the night of this monotony.

Thanx

2008-11-25T20:28:00.000-06:00

It's a ridiculous irony that, looking back on past Thanksgivings, I am particularly awful at being thankful for things on Thanksgiving. Now, I know that you're supposed to be thankful for stuff every day, not just when the calendar tells you to be, but I think that with all of the throwing around of the word "thanks" and whatnot, it is espeically easy (or should be) to find things to be thankful for and then be thankful for them around the 4th Thursday in November.

With this in mind, as I set it, a sign of narcissism on my part that I need to get rid of...I am trying to, in effect, be thankful ahead of the regularly scheduled day. I have a lot to be thankful for...so much...material things are one thing but those are not the things for which I am most thankful...although living in the United States and not being impoverished makes me a lot "richer" and stuff-having than a lot of people in a lot of civilizations throughout history.

I'm thankful for relationships. For the friendships that I've had, and for the ones I have, and for the ones I will have. I'm thankful for the great friendships and even the broken relationships that were once not-broken. From friends and from past experiences I have learned so much. There is nothing at all more important to me than the people I love. If someone tomorrow walked up to me and offered me a job tomorrow that paid a six-figure (or seven, or eight...etc...) income in another city, and I had to forsake all of my friendships tomorrow in order to take it, and leave everyone behind tomorrow, there is no way that I would do that. I don't know if I would to it period. I can't put a price tag on what they mean to me. I will do everything I can for them. I know that many of them would do almost anything for me. I have never experienced love and community like I do every day right now in Austin-San Marcos (and with other friends that I have in other regions). I know this time will end for our community as it exists right now, and many of us will have to move on, but I hope that we never lose our friendships despite any distance. We are the friends that we will have for the rest of our lives. I love you guys so much.

I'm thankful so much for my family. I can't describe how grateful I am that I have a great relationship with both my Mom and my Dad...and that they also are in love with each other after so many years of marriage. They are ridiculously important to me and I hold an indescribable amount of respect for them. I wish so much that other kids could have what I have...so many families and homes are so broken. It's such a sad thing to see. I remember as the same thing was threatening my own family, but somehow we withstood that storm. The sheer intensity of this blessing is not lost on me, nor is the blessing of loving Grandparents or extended family who I will see this Thursday on the street I grew up on in Belton...as I have for every Thanksgiving since I first registered memories.

I am thankful for the experiences I have had...for the things I have learned, for the privilege of attending Texas State and for the crucially important things I have learned here about the world and about myself, in class and outside of it. In the quad or at Sewell Park...or in a car somewhere on some ranch road in the Texas Hill Country. I am thankful that I can go to Emo's or a number of other places in Austin and see bands whose music has defined and influenced my life in incredibly positive ways. I am thankful that I have gotten to travel and experience things that students with my socio-economic background often do not get to do. I am thankful that everywhere I go where I live I see someone I know, and that I can see most of the people I know or do anything that I need to do without setting foot in a car. I am thankful that when I do need to leave town, my reliable car allows me to do so. I am thankful that bands like This Will Destroy You can provide a soundtrack to my life and where I live without words. I am thankful for the never-ending festival of joy that a bunch of my friends started when they decided to form a band called Zlam Dunk (seriously, it's been so much fun to be around). And I am thankful that Mexican Food is so delicious and plentiful around here! I am so thankful that I have gotten to live in a place where the sun shines over 300 days a year, and where the winters are mild, often pleasant, and sometimes even warm. I am thankful that I will get to wear shorts on Thanksgiving day. I am thankful that the apartment complex I live in is not going to get bulldozed like we thought, and that so many of my best friends, the people who are the most important thing I have, live within seconds of each other here. I am thankful for how God has led my life, even if I don't always seem so or am often skeptical of it.

I am thankful that I am allowed to be a part of so many lives, and that so many lives are a part of mine.

Thanks to anyone that reads this. You mean something to me...probably a lot...probably more than you know.

- Jordan

A Constant Work in Progress

2008-11-25T12:24:00.001-06:00

It is natural to be afraid. I am a human being, hopelessly weak and incapable of perfect love or perfect anything. But, fear can be paralyzing, it often holds me back. But it shouldn't have any power over me. I really think the only thing I should be afraid is my willingness to let fear dictate what decisions I (don't) make. I don't want to be afraid anymore to tell people what I am feeling, or how much they mean to me. And I don't want to be afraid anymore to take any kind of risk. While some risks end in pain and/or disappointment, others are beautiful in their result. But if you are unwilling to risk everything you have for something greater than yourself or your selfish nature, then you can only gain nothing.

To love someone is always great risk. But to refuse to love, for fear of the risk involved, is always great tragedy. I've been telling myself that I shouldn't ever take that risk again, that I should never look for something meaningful in someone else ever again. That it's not worth it. This is a great example of how I am prone to lying to myself. When we let fear control us, we don't need obstacles or enemies. When we let fear control us, we are our own greatest obstacle and our own worst enemy. I've never fully admonished this in myself...because residing in fear and retraction is, while a sad and lonely existence, less "risky" or difficult than seeking a change to that restrictive fear-based mindset.

I hope that courage will find me soon.

BYYAAAHHHH!!!!!

2008-11-20T19:51:00.001-06:00

Yes, the title is a reference to Howard Dean.

Hey everyone. I'm sitting in a computer lab. The computers are not being my friends. They never are though. That's okay though, it just means I'll have to take more time away from people later this semester in order to do the stuff that I'm not able to do tonight.

It's a quiet night in San Marcos, and getting colder (it was in the 80's today, which was great). I hope people are up to stuff later. My life is so strange, it's like I am half-asleep all of the time. And when I'm asleep I have these vivid dreams that make me feel as if I'm half awake. This basically is leading me to feel as if my life is one long dream with pros and cons. I don't know if that's the best thing. It makes me more numb to negatives, which is good in the near-term...but it also means I am less in touch with "reality" and the needs of those around me as well as people I don't know. It's not necessarily a breeding ground for spiritual activity either. I think I have begun to run from my feelings, emotions, problems and things that I might need to face by not running at all, but retreating into some kind of weird NON-drug induced haze. Individual days don't even seem to exist anymore. Time is just blurring. My days are running together and all of my thoughts, experiences and interactions seem to be tangled. Is this good?

Still, I can hold onto the following:

1. I am imperfect, but I'm not held to a standard of perfection
2. I can be less hard on myself and that is okay
3. I have amazing friends
4. Love exists, even if I am constantly on the outside of it...and at a loss to explain why
5. I can't stop thinking about Zlam Dunk
6. I live in a region, city, neighborhood and apartment that is the best situation I could imagine for myself at this point in my life.
7. Clarity by Jimmy Eat World will always be one of the greatest albums ever.
8. No matter how I feel in a given moment, it is not an eternity, and I won't feel that way forever
9. I am never justified to feel worried about anything
10. I need to get a handle on a seemingly inescapable cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing.
11. I need to find the money to finally buy a drum set, otherwise I will never get to play drums...even though I can.
12. I see more truth in a sunset than I have ever seen in any other person I have met...or myself.

I don't write a lot because I am way too vulnerably honest when I do. If I could write songs on guitar, I would just do that...and write them about people with other names, even though I would really be writing them about myself.

I'm looking way forward to the holidays. And winter road trips.

I'm in Love with the Ordinary

2008-11-20T01:58:00.001-06:00

I have to confess, as much as I preach about our need to use less fuel as a society (best way to lower gas prices, as evidenced by the current free-fall in oil prices driven by falling demand *in the United States*) that I love to drive. I love road trips. I see a value in them if they involve time with friends and adventure, and I see the value in a drive on my own when I need to get away from campus just for an hour or so and clear my head. I don't feel so bad about taking the occasional drive though because I rarely drive because I am extremely blessed to live in a place where I can walk to anything I need (including the office where I work on campus). Still, I don't take the ability to drive somewhere distant for granted...and I certainly don't take the "walkability" of my current situation for granted.

This note is not about environmental-political-li

festyle issues though...I'll save that for another time (I'm saving most politically sensitive commentary for after the election...for health purposes and the sake of retaining friendships...It's going to be a long week). Actually, this is about my favorite roads that can be found in the Central Texas and Hill Country regions (my all-time favorite is cliche' but I don't care...California 1 between Monterrey and San Simeon, CA...a.k.a. "Big Sur"). If you've ever gone on a day trip with me you have probably driven down at least a couple of these. So here are my favorites, with a brief description of what I like about them, in no particular order.

Fulton Ranch Road - Hays County, TX between Ranch Road 12 and the Blanco River: This is definately my favorite road near San Marcos and one of my favorites of all time. Many people spend years here without realizing that it exists...and how cool it is. It's more commonly known as "Freeman Ranch Road", because it goes by Freeman Ranch, but it's named for a much larger ranch between Freeman and the Blanco River. It meanders though significantly well-grazed but comparatively "unspoiled" Hill Country landscape, winding along ridges and above the Wimberley Valley. The aspect of the road allows you to essentially "drive into the sunset", it is a great route to take and has several great sunset vistas along it's path. At night, you can see the town of Wimberley nestled in a valley to the left as you drive north, otherwise there are little signs of human civilization and only two or three houses on the 8 or so miles between RM-12 and the river. The road is worth the drive for the entire stretch, but it has a very pleasantly surprising climatic finish during the last mile before you reach the Blanco River. Driving around a bend, you suddenly see a cliff with a spectacular (not just by Texas standards) valley open up in front of you. It's the sort of thing that Ansel Adams would photograph. Several friends and I have simply driven out there to hang out on top of a pile of boulders that sits at the top of the cliff. That sounds mundane, but only to those who have never driven out to this place. During unusually wet seasons, the valley below is a stark green. During seasonal drought periods (such as right now) the valley is a collection of golden colors, and still a great sight. There is actually a seasonal waterfall (only after a heavy rainfall) that cascades down into a canyon that is created by a sharp bend in the cliff. It is at this bend where the road finally drops (steeply) into the valley and emerges in a different world with tall pecan trees and a collection of picturesque small organic farms that exist on the more agriculture friendly riparian (riverside) soil. This is a sharp change from the first several miles of the drive, which is a typical hill country landscape (which is unique, but with shallow rocky soil and other typical semi-arid limitations) of short drought-tolerant oak trees, invasive juniper cedars, chaparral-like shrubs, and large boulder features covered with yuccas and prickly pear cacti. The stretch ends at a primitive one-lane low water crossing across the Blanco River. The river here looks like something out of a movie. The flow varies greatly depending on rainfall...it can be a trickle, or it can be a torrent of roaring rapids...which is the case after a heavy rainfall. This highlights a downside of the road, if it rains, you don't want to be on it as the washes it goes through flood at several points. Also, the crossing here floods easily, and if this is the case you have to turn around and drive all the way back to San Marcos instead of being able to continue onto Wimberley. Also, it's a rural county road that is narrow with sharp curves and a few annoying dips that can take you by surprise when driving, so it's best to do so with caution. However, if you live anywhere close to San Marcos or Austin you should drive down this road at some point...I promise it will give you a greater appreciate for the part of the world that you live in. To get there: Take Ranch Road 12 west out of San Marcos...it is literally the first paved right turn after you leave the city limits.

Ranch Road 32 over Devils Backbone - between the Comal County Line and RM-3424: Driving on this road out of the Wimberley Valley, you proceed along a fairly level stretch for about 4 miles...it remains level, which means if you don't look to the right after crossing the Comal County line you would fail to realize that you're next to another one of the best views in this area. Every time I have driven people down this road for the first time and tell them to look to the right they are completely suprised by the view that suddenly appears to the right. The features become more obvious as the road ascends to the top of the ridge, which it follows for two very scenic miles. Near the highest point, there's a rest stop where you can pull off and admire the view without worrying about driving at the same time. Unfortunately the land on either side of the road is privately owned and fenced off. It's commonly trespassed on, but I have heard more than one story of DPS officers waiting by cars for people to return and give them a citation. There's also a cross inscribed with the name "Erin" at the rest stop...presumably a memorial to someone who fell down the side of the ridge. I didn't know this for sure, so I did some research. Apparently the "Ghost Hunters of Texas" have heard weird stuff there and it turns out there was an "Unsolved Mysteries" episode about Devil's Backbone and all of the alleged "hauntings" that have happened there ranging from Spanish Monks to some ghost wolf thing... interesting. I'll have to check it out later on. (http://www.ghosthuntersoftexas.com/dbreststop.htm). Still, just being able to look at the view is a treat, and worth the short 15 minutes it takes to get there from San Marcos. The drive out there is also not bad in terms of scenery. To get there: Take Ranch Road 12 west of San Marcos. At the blinking light "junction" in Wimberley continue straght as the road becomes Ranch Road 32. "The Backbone" is 5 miles from this point.

Ranch Road 2222 - Austin, TX between Capital of Texas Highway (Loop 360) and Mopac/Loop 1: This is the first urban road (technically, it is called "Urban Road 2222", but changing the signs for this and other RM and FM roads in suburbanization areas would be an unnecessary expense so they are still signed as they were originally named. This is a fact so obscure I don't even think you could impress your friends with it). This is one of the most spectacular drives in Travis County, and remarkable that the entire stretch is within the city limits of Austin. It winds up the Balcones Escarpment from Mopac around bends and through the canyonlands until it reaches a point above Loop 360 where it simultaneously hugs a steep hillside while providing a scenic look at Lake Austin below, with the iconic "360 Bridge" in the distance. Definitely a road to take sometime if you haven't already. It'll surpass what you would expect to find in the urban part of the Austin Metro area. To get there: Take the Mopac Freeway north from Downtown and exit RM-2222/Northland Dr. Turn left at the light and enjoy several scenic miles of a beautiful urban landscape.

Ranch Road 1888 from Ranch Road 1623 west of Blanco to Luckenbach via RM-1376: I really like this route because it embodies pretty much everything that I like about the Hill Country. Starting a few miles west of Blanco, RM-1888 winds alongside the picturesque Blanco River toward it's headwaters in a beautiful valley. About every mile or so you see an interesting old (mostly German) stone farmhouse. The road forks after about 5 miles you climb up and out of the valley. Cutting through Northeastern Kendall County, the road takes you over wide-open ranch country ridgetops where you can see for miles. The road takes a right turn north into Gillespie county toward Fredericksburg. The landscape levels a bit before you pass by the legendary "town" of Luckenbach (pop 3)...which was made famous by Willie Nelson who wrote "Everybody's Somebody in Luckenbach" and has held his huge Fourth of July Picnic there on more than one occasion. Everytime I've stopped there I have seen an interesting collection of people hanging out around the old post office and general store. A lot of old-school bikers but also plenty of old folk-music loving hippies...the kind that end up and the Kerrville Folk Festival for 18 days. The place seems lost in time and is, despite it's status as a tourist stop, a truly unique element of Texas culture.To get there, take RM-12/32 from San Marcos to U.S. 281. Turn Right and go to the center of Blanco. The town's only traffic light is your turn for RM-1623. RM-1888 is a few miles west of town.

Farm to Market Road 972 - Williamson County from FM-1105 in Walburg to State Highway 95: This is the first non-Hill Country road that I've listed (it's just east of IH-35 north of Georgetown), the terrain is mostly a fairly level but rolling transition between the Hill Country to the West and the dull flatness of the fertile Blackland Prairie belt that runs parallel to IH-35 on the East. Williamson County is generally not my favorite place in the world and one could assume that if I found a road there that I liked it would probably be west of the Interstate. However, it is the unexpected beauty that I find along this road that puts it on this list. Another part of my attachment to this road is personal, it's my favorite part of my drive to visit my parents' at their home and I always look forward to it. The road winds along from the iconic and historic tiny town of Walburg (which retains much of the cultural vibe left over from the German immigrant farmers who settled it) out into the rolling farmland. The sky is immense and development sparse save for a scattering of small farms and country spreads. While there are a lot of curves, they are never so sharp as to require slowing down and it is sparsely recently repaved so it is really smooth as well. But, along with being a fun and enjoyable road, it runs across a farm-intensive landscape of subtle beauty beneath an immense and beautiful wide-open sky. Driving west on this road toward the sunset provides a view that will alter the way you look at the world around you. This road is special to me because it has shown me how beauty can exist in altogether unexpected places. To get there: Take Interstate 35 North of Austin through Georgetown to the Walburg exit just north of SH-130 (Exit 268). Turn right onto FM-972. The stretch that I described begins at FM-1105 in Walburg after about 4 miles.

Reconstruction Site

2008-11-20T01:55:00.000-06:00

I normally don't put much stock in "personality tests", espeically an online one, but I took one that had about 75 questions and was labeled as an ENFP. So I looked up the Kiersey definition...and it ended up being so much like how I see myself, and how I hear myself described by others, that I decided that it was legit and wanted to share it. It was really encouraging to read because I often doubt myself...my idealism is more directed toward the world around me and not myself. I am in constant need of encouragement from others around me who know me well enough that I trust them and what they say can make an impact on me. But, I think my "emotional sensitivity" and self-doubt kind of go hand in hand. I just need to learn to better appreciate my strengths and my weaknesses.

If you are reading this and recognize it as me then you are probably my friend and if you are my friend I really do appreciate you. Feel free to either affirm this or point out if I am off-base. Either way I will appreciate it.

---

ENFP description:

Idealist Portrait of the Champion (ENFP)

Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

Songs that Mean Stuff

2008-11-15T15:41:00.001-06:00

I really like when I hear a song where the subject matter is something other than simple vague emotional topics (love/hate/frustration or whatever), or goes beyond the usual topics (relationships, growing up, failed relationships...that's usually it). There's a place for music that is just of fun...in fact I like a lot of bands that are just that. But, it's really cool to come across songs in genres that where songs are usually superficial, vacuous or not very serious, that actually have a meaning to a specific message or story that is really important and profound. I espeically like finding these songs because they are usually set to a style of music that I really enjoy listening to. It's a win-win situation

For me, I like music that I enjoy listening to. I try to avoid feeling forced into liking certain bands, nor not like them (as in the case of one of the bands on this list actually) by people around me or the people who decide what is "cool" this week (i.e. Pitchfork). For that reason, I still listen to a lot of the ska-punk stuff that I grew up listening to. If I don't like music or a band, it's for the same reasons...at least that is more and more the case (I have had periods where I got caught up in the "scene points" hole of being persuaded by trends over whether or not I would enjoy a band otherwise).

Anyway, that's enough explanation. Here are some songs that I appreciate for being specifically meaningful (not just to me, but to larger issues in society or larger stories that should be important lessons to that society).

Five Iron Frenzy - Banner Year This song always comes to mind when I think of this subject, because it appears on their "Our Newest Album Ever" album after a song about losing a blue comb at age 7 and a couple of songs before a song about Canada that declares it the "Maple Leaf State" and how they have Slurpee's made from venison ("that's deer") and lots of lumber, and lumberjacks, and logs (I really miss this band). Point being, they wrote a lot of funny and non-serious songs, which makes their occasional serious songs worth noting. Banner Year is probably the best example, because it's essentially about the genocide of Native-Americans in the 1800's...not exactly a typical topic for bands whose albums were sold at Christian Bookstores. The chorus is one that would make any America-loving Right-Wing uber-patriot cringe:

"Wave your flag. Salivate.
Stirring feelings of pride and hate.
A peace of cloth can't hold your faith."

It seems that some pretend that Five Iron didn't write these songs ("Anthem" has a similar theme), or that the message wasn't as strong as I see it. I don't know if that's the case, but I find that these songs received little recognition when they were ideologically profound coming from a band whose audience was mostly the suburban kids of the "Christian-Right". I don't think Reese Roper's songs where inherently political...they were written on the grounds that as a Christian, one shouldn't get sucked into the trap of thinking that patriotism is something that goes hand in hand with Christianity. In any case, I admire Roper and his band for going after subjects that, if they had been less successful in the "Christian-scene", they probably would not have been allowed to address, espeically if they had been on one of the major Christian radio labels. But, like most of their less non-serious songs, Roper's religious viewpoint shines through the message. It was refreshing to see it done using relevant topics and outside of the forumlized christian music industry blandness.

Say Anything - Alive with the Glory of Love Those who know me may have heard me speak of this band in less than glowing terms at times...essentially though, that was due to a combination of misunderstanding (frontman Max Bemis is ridiculously bi-polar and very honest about that in his music, which explains a lot of it) and not really giving them a fair chance. So, after about two and a half years of having the album "...Is a Real Boy" shamelessly promoted to my by a friend I gave it another spin. I honestly can't say it's anything less than a really good album. But, Alive with the Glory of Love is the one song in particular sticks out because of it's meaning (and the fact that it's not about Max, his problems, and how he is bi-polar...which again makes for an interesting album).

I guess another reason why I found this song so meaningful is my memory of visiting the well-preserved parts of the Auschwitz Death Camp outside of Krakow Poland last summer. The S.S. during the Holocaust killed more people here than anywhere else...Jews, Poles, people who were not Jewish but looked like me (brown eyes, brown curly hair) Gypsies, resistance fighters, Christians who sympathized with Jews, and homosexuals...among others. It was a mentally-disturbing 6 hour tour of a place that is still permeated by a freakish spirit of pure death. Seeing the "wall of death", starvation rooms and walking into the one gas chamber that the Nazi's didn't have time to destroy before fleeing the approaching Soviets has an effect on you. One of those affects, was giving me an avenue to more fully appreciate this song.

The tune is possibly semi-biographical (Max's Grandparents were involved in the Holocaust), and is about two Jews in love in Nazi occupied Poland who are to be inevitably separated and sent to their "separate work camps". The concentration camp of Treblinka (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treblinka_extermination_camp) is specifically mentioned in the song, it's a place where at least 700,000 (but possibly more) people were exterminated northeast of Warsaw. I'm curious as to whether the sprawling ghetto mentioned in the song is actually Warsaw (it was one of the largest and most notorious Jewish ghettos in occupied Europe). The genius of the song is that it starts off sounding as a typical love song, but lyrically evolves as it progresses as the context of the story is revealed as the holocaust. It's safe to say that I consider this to be one of the more meaningful songs that I have heard in recent years. The story is sad, but the tone of the song is also upbeat and hopeful. It's songs like this that make me kick myself for being so quick to dismiss bands because peer or scene pressure is telling me that they "suck" because maybe the "wrong kids" like them, or something, I dunno. But I've been given another reason to stop considering any of that and just enjoy music be more open minded and learn things from the words that songs contain.

Piebald - If Marcus Garvey Dies, Marcus Garvey Lives "They teach us what to think but do not teach us how to think". Piebald is a power-pop-punkish-whatever

band that recently disbanded...and not enough people listened to them even though they were profoundly enjoyable and a reasonably good band. In between writing songs about dance parties, stalkers and yellow cars they occasionally cranked out a song about a really interesting specific subject. I had no idea who Marcus Garvey was. Thanks to this song, now I do. Turns out he was really important, but history classes rarely mention him it seems.

"He (Marcus Garvey) was the first man of color to lead and develop a mass movement. He was the first man on a mass scale and level to give millions of Negroes a sense of dignity and destiny. And make the Negro feel he was somebody."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_garvey

Less than Jake - Lockdown Problems related to urban blight and the decline of American cities are not exactly usual fodder for ska-punk songs...which is why I like Less than Jake so much (the pre-Borders and Boundaries/Anthem albums are my favorites). Lockdown hits on the unfortunate aspects of our current patter of placeless sprawl surrounding dying centers and how things could be better. They also hit on this theme in Boomtown and and some other parts of other songs. Again, unexpected from a band in the ska-punk genre...where songs are more typically about pool parties and such.

At the Drive In - Invalid Litter Dept. It's obvious to most listeners that Cedric Bixler-Zavala's lyrics in At the Drive In and Mars Volta songs rarely seem to make any sense...more of a subconscious stream of words and thoughts with little realistic meaning. Invalid Litter Dept. However, actually does mean something...but you wouldn't easily deduce its meaning without seeing the video that the band made for it.

The song, while still written in Cedric's absurdly roaming and non-nonsensical lyrical style, is about the missing women of Juarez, the Mexican border city across the Rio Grande from At the Drive In's hometown of El Paso. Since the Early 90's the bodies of dozens and dozens of women have turned up in the desert outside of the city and to this day these violent sex crimes remain fully unsolved...leading to theories that anyone from drug cartels to the Federales are involved in the killings. One line in the song goes "the Federales performed their custodial customs quite well". Other lines, such as "they made sure the obituaries showed pictures of smokestacks" are references to the lives of the women, many of whom work in the smoke-belching maquiladora factories (thousands of these exist along the border) which mostly make cheaper goods to be sent across the border into the United States. The video works to explain the meaning behind the more arcane lyrics of the song, and its duration is fully spent on bringing attention to the problem which has received, at best, scattered media attention in the United States (although much more attention in parts of Texas). The song itself is amazing but it's more direct meaning adds a strong layer of emotion to it. I once read an interview with the band where they talked about how several people in the studio broke down crying after they finished recording the song.

Some background on the issue: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1171962

D.I.Y. Documentary Music video for Invalid Litter Dept.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb_OrFQN07E

Certian Songs they Get so Scratched into Our Souls

2008-07-16T20:26:00.003-05:00

2007 was a ridiculous year for music that I like. For a few years I had complained excessively that many of my favorite bands (especially those from the West Coast) were either broken up or in the process of breaking up...or going on hiatus, or being attacked by bears. Suddently, that trend reversed its self in 2007, as more than a dozen of my favorite bands released albums that either met or exceeded my expectations (and a few others that didn't, but still I'm not complaining). Any of these bands or albums are worth several listens. A couple of them are playing tomorrow night in San Antonio: Portugal. The Man and the RX Bandits (who are currently my second favorite active band now that Slick Shoes has reunited...which deserves a post of its own).

List of 2007 albums that I enjoyed (I might miss a couple):

Comeback Kid - Broadcasting
Explosions in the Sky - All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone (5)
The Fall of Troy - Manipulator
Interpol - Our Love to Admire
Jimmy Eat World - Chase this Light
Meryll - Happened
Minus the Bear - Planet of Ice
Pinback - Autumn of the Seraphs (4)
Portugal. The Man - Church Mouth
RX Bandits - ...And the Battle Begun (1)
Spoon- Ga Ga Ga Ga
Streetlight Manifesto - Somewhere in the Between
This Will Destroy You - Self Titled (2)
The Weakerthans - Reunion Tour (3)

So far in the year 2008 my favorite album has been the new Driver F album: Chase the White Whale. These guys are from Austin, their music is upbeat their live show is solid and their first full-length album is very enjoyable and repeatable. I like these guys and I hope they can be successful and make a living doing what they do well.

I'm sure that I will think of more that I liked over the next few days and I'll update this list.

I Have Better Things To Do Tonight Than Die

2008-07-16T20:15:00.002-05:00

So I haven't written in this for a few months. Unfortunately so much stuff has happened in that time that writing about it would be frustrating because I wouldn't have time to get to everything that I consider very important to write about. So, yea, sorry about that. Basically this is the summnary:

- Got back from California
- Had a blast at SXSW
- Wrote a long and difficult paper that I had put off so I could go to California and SXSW
- School tries to wreck my existence
- Met an awesome girl...relationship ensues despite circumstances (and recently, unexpectedly and very unfortunately it ended, trying to deal with that)
- Semester finally ends, somehow successfully
- Flew to Germany on an exchange program 36 hours after last final
- Sucked at speaking German due to lack of time to learn it
- Really enjoyed 95% of my first ever trip to another continent
- Really missed all of my friends
- After 5 weeks and a ton of significant experiences, returned to the States
- Reunited with friends
- Was broke but okay with that since I went to Europe
- Starting working full time on campus
- Felt blessed that I can walk to work since gas is now $4.05 a gallon
- Trying to stay positive about certain things
- Hanging out with my friends that mean so much to me.

That's it basically. I'm going to try to write more. I keep wanting to, but when I sit down my motivation leaves me. The only thing that keeps me even thinking about it is people asking me to.

- Jordan

They're In My Hair! They're in My Hair!

2008-03-08T13:28:00.004-06:00

So hello...Rand, and others who have asked me why I don't write on this anymore. The answer is there is no good answer nor is there a good reason for it. I've written a few things elsewhere but for the most part I've been lazy about writing anything non-academically related...or...if you will, important. But now that one of the most ridiculously insanely interesting and crazy months of my life has ended I find myself with some free time and I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Pasadena, California and I've decided to write something.

This last month has taught me a lot of things. Texas can actually matter more than just being a political ATM for candidates. Bill Clinton is shorter than I thought. Barack Obama and Sewell Park are a good match. German people are cool and have different personalities that are unique and interesting. The Mexican border is not all that bad really. Cops tend to get nervous when you take a side road that doesn't go past a border patrol checkpoint and may pull you over (not me, but my friend). Ranch Road 337 is an amazing drive but it's way out there so plan it as a day trip. Old people are scared of change...well, some old people...well come on a lot of them voted for Hillary. The Austin-San Marcos-Central Texas area is surprisingly progressive and is cool with Barack Obama.

I'm leaving the election out of it for now. For one, our part is over in Texas. But I can't escape it out here when people find out I'm from Austin they ask me about it. My friend and I were sitting at a bar here in Pasadena and we had extra seats at our table and invited some people to share it. One guys worked as an animator for Dreamworks and the rest did other typically L.A. things for a living (I had forgotten about just how much sway the entertainment industry holds in this town until I was boarding the plane in Austin and heard people talking about the blockbuster movies that they had worked on). After a while I heard them talking about the election so I mentioned that we had just been buried in national politics in Texas for three weeks. Turned into one of the coolest conversations I've ever had about politics and society and it was with total strangers. The thing is, and I don't know why the perception is that far otherwise, people in the L.A. area generally are as open and friendly and people anywhere else I've been, including Austin. It's just that the scale of everything out here is a lot greater and the environment is a typically more challenging one in which to live...I learned that in just a couple of months the last time I was here.

This is my first time back in L.A. County since the most important, dynamic and influential summer of my life. It's been quite an experience dealing with all of these memories springing back to life. As one of my favorite musicians put it..."ressurecting memories from ashes". I'm going back to Austin-San Marcos on Tuesday just in time to mootch off of SXSW in a way that only a local can. And I guess I have to catch up on some reading for school and other things that aren't truly important, but in many ways of course are, because if I'm not in school right now things are vastly different and a lot of things that I would have thought that I wanted were not the things I wanted after all. Being back in Southern California is a nice bookend to that ridiculous period of my life that began in 2005. Ridiculous in that it's ridiculous how little control I've had over what has happened (which turns to out to be good) and it's ridiculous that I'm blessed with friends that are far greater that I could have hoped or deserved to have.

I love you guys (whoever is reading this).

- Jordan

Don't Mess With (Remotely Dream of Critizing Anything About) Texas

2007-07-06T13:47:00.000-05:00

Texas, it's a big state. It's got a lot of stuff in it. It's remarkably diverse ethnically, culturally, geographically, climatologically and economically. I'm not a native Texan (according to some people, this seems to constitute some kind of moral original sin), but I have spent all but 3 infantile years of my life residing right in the center of its giant mass.

As I've grown up, I've gradually gotten to visit other states and places, mainly in the Western 2/3rds of the United States in Canada. For the most part...I've missed home when I'm gone...but I find that there are a few things about Texas that I really don't miss when I'm gone. This is strange because if you talk to 95% of people from this state, you will hear ad-nauseum about how Texas is the best place to live...Texas is the greatest place on Earth, Texas is God's Country etc... I have to stop here and say that I really do love my part of the state, the Central part. I may be a tad biased, but Central Texas, the Austin Area and the Hill Country are clearly the best parts of the state in a number of areas. A great combination of scenery, great cities and towns, a more generally agreeable climate than most parts of the state, and a bunch of overall really great people. However, when I leave this area and travel to other parts of the state, I don't really see how Texas is the best. (Note: I don't think California is the best place either, but I've only been to the Southern part, there are a lot of pros and cons to both places, in general I think Central Texas is a generally better place to live than Southern Cal).

What is the best state? I don't know. I've only visited about 20 of them. This post is not about that. It's about how I'm having a hard time thinking that this state, as a whole, is the best place on Earth. It's way better than a third world country, way better than Arkansas, way better than a lot of places, but this state has some serious drawbacks and problems. I'll throw out a few examples.

*** All of this is my opinion based on a lot of observation and a strong understanding of geography...it is my graduate major and I have spent a lot of time studying this stuff. Please don't take it personally ***

Houston: The climate, lots of rain, lots of humidity, unbelievably unhealthy sprawl and air quality. The largest medical center in the world, in a county where 30% of the population lacks basic health insurance (in Harris County, that means over one million uninsured people) and thus lack access to the level of health care that many often take for granted. Plus, having to leave the city at the same time as 6 million other people because a hurricane is threatening to obliterate it is a complete drag.

Dallas-Fort Worth: The city has its pros and cons, but is surrounded by nothing resembling natural beauty. North Texas in general is basically Iowa with a large metropolitan area in the middle. Dallas has a better climate, but like Houston has similar problems with unnecessary sprawl and a lack of a local flavor...almost everything everywhere you go is either a national or regional chain business. Plus, lacking anything else, DFW is probably the most oppressively materialistic place I have ever spent a significant amount of time in...this includes Southern California.

San Antonio: I generally like San Antonio...but the amount of unrealized potential in the city is bothersome. It has a growing sprawl problem that is made even more noticeable because the city is in a comparatively beautiful setting compared to Dallas and Houston. The city does have more flavor and local culture than Houston and Dallas do, but that tends to disappear as you drive into the suburban northern part of the city. Even within the city there is a lot more that could exist to make it a special place beyond the usual tourist stops.

Other parts of Texas:

The Gulf Coast - Incredibly polluted, due to it being a hub for the petrochemical industry in a state that doesn't really give a flip about the environment. This is a huge drawback.

Rural Texas - It's pretty much like any rural area of any state. With the same pros and cons.

I was going to elaborate, but I think I'm going to leave it at this. I feel I'm being unnecessarily negative. This isn't to upset anyone. I'm just stating the fact that, in general, I don't agree that Texas is some perfect place that is more awesome than anywhere else. I like Texas as a whole, just maybe not as much as a lot of the people that have grown up here. The prominent arrogance of Texans bothers me partly because I don't think it's completely warranted, and partly because it really gets on the nerves of people from other states and we are widely resented for it. I would rather people in other states think favorably of Texas than resent it like they do. And believe me, it's not because of "they're just jealous"...I hear that rebuttal a lot. There's not as much to be jealous about as we lead ourselves to believe.

I think if you really like where you are you should be willing to take a critical look at it and find ways to improve it rather than having a tunnel vision type vacuum of often baseless praise for it.

- Jordan

Daniel Jason Reiter

2007-06-25T17:38:00.000-05:00

My friend Daniel Reiter passed away last Thursday. He was twenty-two years old. It is difficult to imagine the number of lives that He touched in those twenty-two years. The void left by his passing is staggering...but I know there is a reason that his life was bottled up into twenty-two intense and full years.

Losing a close friend is something that I have never dealt with this before. I'm not even sure how to deal with it really. Losing a close friend...the first such loss...makes me at once thankful that I have not lost many people in my life...but also regret not caring more to spend more time in eternally important fellowship with others.

Dan is the reason I started writing again on here in the first place. Earlier this month he left me a note that was vividly encouraging, a note which asked that I start writing again. Ten days later he passed away in a car accident on Spring-Cypress road in the northern suburbs of Houston.

Unsure of what to say here...I guess I will just start to express what has been on my mind in the days since Dan's passing. The one thing I know for sure is that I will be posting here much more frequently. I want this journal to be a monument to Dan because without his tacit encouragement I may have stopped writing altogether several times...by doing so I would have robbed myself of a very important outlet for all of the thoughts that jam together in my head and mess with my emotions.

The loss of Dan has been made easier, if that is possible, by the knowledge that his faith in God was so incredible and almost seemingly inhuman (although really, Dan was just as human and fallible as you and I, he simply let a lot more divine love refract though him than I or most others do). Dan also loved to use parenthetical references (as do I). Thus...it will probably take me even longer to get though writing this...and even then...it will not begin to be a shadow of the story of how Dan was an incredible impact on me (an impact that I'm not sure he even realized...and if he did, he would likely draw attention away from it, his humility, in spite of his strong intellectualism, was always something that I always admired).

The road that took Dan's life is the same road I once drove down in 2004 while concerned about the life of another friend named Dan. It's another story entirely but my friend and this girl had hopped on a train in Bryan, Texas...without thinking about any of the potential consequences of their actions...fortunetly they turned out to be safe and I caught up to them in Spring...Dan Reiter's hometown. The first thing I did when I returned to San Marcos was go up to Dan's 12th floor dorm room in Jackson Hall, where he and I spent our first year at Texas State, and excitedly explained how I had visited his hometown under very strange circumstances (Dan was typically excited about most things people had to say to him and this was no exception). I had not been down that road, or to that part of the Houston area, until a few days ago when I rode with three of the dozens of mutual friends that I cried, laughed, and reminisced with last week, as we followed about a mile behind a loosely ordered funeral procession that plodded along to a beautiful grave site. I have never found a site so beautiful so anguishing to look upon.

But I have hope...hope in the community that Dan left behind. Hope that I will join Dan someday and hear that incredible trademark laugh...the one that you could hear from across a crowded room and know that Dan was still there even if you couldn't see him. The laugh that made a person feel relevant, loved, and worth something more than perhaps they thought before they heard it. I also hope that everyone that knew Dan, including myself, will be inspired by the short but remarkable life he led. His impact was anything but short...I'm too clouded by emotion to write anything more right now. I will continue to write about Dan for a long time to come. He is the reason I am writing anyway. He reflected so much love and encouragement and I am just having a hard time dealing with the fact that his bright light has moved on to where my limited human vision cannot see.

"A Man Walks Into A Bar and Says 'OW!'

2007-06-18T17:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am doing something around town and I come up with a great idea to write about. That idea conveniently seems to always disappear by the time I am actually in front of a computer, or a notebook, or a sandy beach or whatever. Thus, I will embark on a series of random notes.

Spurs win the NBA, again

I know that some of you guys don't really care about following pro-sports, but I do. I have been an avid Spurs fan since childhood. In fact they are the only reason I ever really care to watch the sport of basketball (I usually prefer football or hockey instead). Last Thursday, the Spurs wrapped up their fourth championship in nine years. The four titles places them behind only the Celtics, Lakers and Bulls in number of total championships...which is even more impressive when you consider that the Lakers and Celtics have been in the league (the Lakers won 5 titles in Minneapolis before moving to Los Angeles and rendering their nickname to irrelevant) about twice as long as the Spurs, and that the Bulls had some guys named Michael Jordan for a number of years.

The Spurs are, to but it simply, a very awesome team. They have pieced together a decade where they have won nearly half of the titles while never failing to miss the playoffs. The anchor of the team is, of course, Center Tim Duncan. Tim is arguably the most unselfish and humble superstar that any pro-sport has seen in my lifetime. This is incredible when you consider that these are even less-common attributes of NBA superstars than those of other sports. I leave the argument of whether or not they are a "dynasty" in pro-sports terms alone until their current run of greatness is over...and it is several years from being over. Not only are they the most well run organization in sports, but they are also still indwelt with the selfless personality that David Robinson originally brought to the team, which has enabled them to avoid the issues and pitfalls that eventually knock teams out of the realm of dominance.

My friends Derek, Jim and myself were in downtown San Antonio the night of the win and it was awesome to witness the display of community that happened there immediately following the win. Thousands of people converging on downtown San Antonio to celebrate the win. I think pro-sports, and particularly the Spurs, are so appealing because it provides one of the few areas where community still happens in our community-starved society.

Go Spurs Go!!!

WWMRD?

I've taken some what of a sabbatical (which isin't a pun this year because there are no major candidates who are jewish) from following the 2008 presidential election. One of the main reasons for this is that the current month is June of 2007...putting the election some 17 months away. Of course the primaries are sooner, but still in 2008. However, when I stopped checking on it Obama and Hillary were tied in the polls, now Hillary has jumped back out to a 13 point lead in the Democratic primary. I guess being scripted and superficial beyond reason is working for her still. Of course, Democrats want to win the election, which is why I am not too concerned that they'll actually end up nominating her.

Meanwhile on the Republican side, you have a situation where the candidate with the most momentum isn't even officially a candidate yet. He is however an actor...that worked for the GOP in California in terms of the Governors seat in the 70's, and then again for the GOP in the White House in 1980, then again in California earlier this decade. It is ironic that in the age of the "Hollywood Left", only center or right-wing candidates seem to be able to go from the screen to the public office. At the same time you have Mitt Romney, the openly Mormon (about as good among the Christian-right as being openly homosexual) former governor of Massachusetts (see previous parenthetical reference). With two strikes against him already among the conservatives that still steer the steadily sinking Republican (big "R") boat...the boat that is helping to torpedo the greater American republican (little "r") boat...Romney is trying to distance his campaign from discussions of the Mormon faith versus the overall Christian faith. But, we are talking about the GOP, so he is fighting an uphill battle in a primary for a party whose religious base has always been exploited by the highest bidder for political gain.

Recently, two of Mitt Romney's rival campaigns have finally (I say this not to condone it, but more to express amazement that it hasn't publicly been an issue among candidates to this point) brought up the issue of Mormonism and Romney. Many Christians, especially those on the right...see Mormonism as a "cult", and not a part of mainstream Christendom at all (see link). This is something significant enough to sink Romney's ship if it is not handled with the utmost tact by his campaign. So far, this is not the case. Romney disputed a question concerning Mormon doctrine and the return of Christ. Mitt said the doctrine is consistent with Christian scripture that Jesus will return to Jerusalem as foretold in the Bible. He was then quickly refuted by a senior member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (which I will henceforth refer to as the LDS Chuch in order to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome) who said that the chuch teaches that, here's one for South Park fans, Jesus will return to several places, including Jerusalem (of course), as well as Jackson County Missouri (of course.......wait...what?). He said it. You can't make this stuff up. Apparently Romney can though...but it simply represents one of the many of his personal viewpoints that have shifted radically as election season continues its gradual downhill sludge toward 2008.

Laces Out, Dan!

There is a national news story coming out of San Diego about the revelation that four dolphins have washed ashore in the city, riddled with bullet holes. It's assumed that someone used them as target practice. I guess they should guard all of the other cute animals at San Diego...Baby Seal Beach at La Jolla Point and the Koala pen at the San Diego zoo in particular. I know that sniping dolphins from land, or a bridge, or wherever, is not a laughing matter...or shouldn't be...maybe...but neither is the fact that dozens of murders occur just 100 miles up the 5 freeway in Los Angeles (and other major urban areas) every month and they are not reported nationally because they are "supposed" to happen. People in Inner-cities are "supposed" to kill each other. But when a few dolphins get shot, there is a national uproar. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother caring about this because our societal priorities seem gone beyond hope of returning to something resembling rationality. Thinking about it is depressing, but I don't think I should stop thinking about it...but that seems like what most of us have done. More people seem concerned with Paris Hilton getting out of jail early, or the fact that 23 dogs were recently found dead in a house, than with the fact that we are increasingly unable to stem the growing tide of human on human violence that is gradually eating our nation's cities alive.

- Jordan

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch

2007-06-13T20:49:00.000-05:00

According to my friend Dan Reiter...I have posted anything here in a long time. He is correct. He also now has a philosophy degree that he finished earning in the time since I last posted this...a couple of dozen of my other friends either graduated...or were surprised to not graduate...an unpleasant surprise to say the least.

A lot has changed for me as well...just like in that David Bowie song...you know, the guy that they named Bowie High School after (that might have been James Bowie...it's a toss up, both make sense). I've had the flu, been depressed, been happy, bought a different car, watched the Spurs blast their way though the Western Conference Playoffs (on the cusp of winning their fourth title tomorrow night), got excited, messed up my wrist during a rare appearance on a skateboard and killed a bear with my bare hands (the bear killing was imaginary). I've also decided to go back to school, grad School...Geography at Texas State...a complete change from any previous plans...at least plans A though D...or even maybe E.

I missed San Marcos way too much to stay away. Many of my best friends are still going to be there. Everything related to returning to school has worked out better than I could have planned. I'm starting in August and I'm very excited.

Thanks and stuff.

- Jordan

I Ran

2007-02-22T17:55:00.000-06:00

*cue Flock of Seagulls song/Chariots of Fire theme song*

I went for a run today. Started at my apartment, ended up at the north shore of Town Lake. Three miles, not much for most people but for me, basically a half-marathon (a marathon having been convinently shortened to six miles in this case).

Real Estate Babel

2007-02-20T22:02:00.000-06:00

There has been a massive high-rise building boom in the city (Austin), in the past few years. This is largely due to a push by Mayor Will Wynn and the City Council to make downtown as much of a residential area as it is a governmental and entertianment (often one can be the other in Texas) district. Austin, being the famiously livable city that it is, has seen this idea suddently burst into over a dozen high rise projects being built concurrently. More than a couple of the projects are over 40 stories in height. To put this into context. The current tallest building in Austin is the Frost Bank Tower which measures 33 stories (and was only completed three years ago). I originally hoped that such overbuilding would occur, which would drive down prices of downtown housing, which are currently astronomical by Texas standards, with many high rise units selling briskly at as much as $500,000 in a city where the median house value is roughly $175,000 (and also rising sharply). However, it's looking more and more like this will not be the case and living downtown (where many people work simple service jobs in addition to the typical white collar stuff) will be the domain of the affluent.

I guess we'll always have William Cannon Drive, until some real estate genius decides to make it trendy, give it a nice catchy trendy name like "WilCan"...

Ted "I'm a Flaming Heterosexual" Haggard

2007-02-08T16:32:00.000-06:00

The news has been on the depressing side lately...then again, when is it not. I found the following items to be funny (in the bad way) or just plain sad)

Ted "I'm a Flaming Heterosexual" Haggard

Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, and pastor of a Colorado Springs "megachurch"...my favorite kind of church to dislike...resigned last year after a former male prostitute revealed that Haggard, who had (and still has somehow) a wife at the time, had a sexual relationship with him for three years, and also committed the lesser sin of using Meth. He decided to reveal the affair after learning that Haggard had been working and preaching in support of Colorado's same-sex marriage ban referendum. Having felt the true brunt of Haggard's hypocrisy he eagerly assembled a horde of salivating press members that passionately spread the news of the bombshell revelation. Having nowhere to go but up, Haggard tearfully apologized and resigned in front of his large stunned congregation. Haggard then went to Phoenix where he has spent the last three months in a self-imposed exile. But then it gets kind of funny...

One of four pastors who is overseeing Haggard's...I guess I'll call it rehab...in Phoenix basically ran to the press this week and exclaimed that Haggard has "discovered" that he is "completely heterosexual".

Hallelujah!!!

That's a very convenient discovery. The kind of convenience that only finding weapons of mass destruction in recently invaded countries can afford. It's amazing that someone can (as is most likely the case) have sex with another man over the course of three years and still be completely heterosexual. Now I don't want to get into the whole debate over whether one can or can't help being gay, I just find this to be somewhat ironic...the fact that three months of bumming around in the desert can cure three years of some pretty not completely heterosexual behavior. I wonder if his rehab consisted of having to sit in a lawn chair on a rocky hillside covered in tall phallic shaped Saguaro cacti until Haggard was unable to notice how phallic they are and then suggest, on his own mind you, that he be taken to a melon patch instead.

A close advisor has recommended that Haggard take on "secular work" for the near future. But I sense that an evangelical (a.k.a. theocratically political) comeback is in his future. I mean, if you can be cured of being gay in just three months, then obviously gays shouldn't get married and Ted Haggard, knowing full well what being gay is like, should lead the moral crusade. Only he has been both fully gay and fully heterosexual. He understands the moral enemy better than most. He's been on the inside...okay I'll stop.

Save us and our institution of marriage Ted Haggard! It doesn't matter how badly you personally violated your own. We need you! Pat Robertson has gone crazy, Falwell is washed up and Ralph Reed is too busy trying to get indian casinos built, or not built, depending on which side pays him the most.

At Night, the Ice Weasels Come

2007-01-18T16:30:00.000-06:00

This week the residents of Central Texas, myself included, learned that you can still function as a human being in less than perfect weather. An unusually long and bitter cold spell (by our standards) has smothered the area with a inch or so of ice and snow. Snow is great. I like snow, mainly because I don't have to shovel it in April like people in certian lake-happy upper Midwestern states sometimes do. Unfortunetly pure snow is about as common here as sitting Governors that aren't evil. The ice/snow ratio this week was along the lines of 80/20. People freaked out. I kind of freaked out. Accidents happened. People died. Thousands climbed onto the top of the Frost Bank Tower awaiting the imminent return of Christ (or aliens in the case of South Austinites)...okay this is an exaggeration. What's not an exaggeration is today when I saw a traffic Jam on the freeway caused by people skittishly driving 5 miles per hour across a completely melted bridge (at least the freeway lanes were).

My least favorite aspect, aside from the preventable deaths and injuries, of the semi-annual Central Texas "winter storm" is hearing people from colder, crappier climates drone on and on about how people in Austin "don't know how to drive on the ice." Seriously, shut up. Mabye not ever having to do it has something to do with that. By your logic you should also be expressing shock at the inability of people in Cuba to play ice hockey, or suprise that there aren't more Egyptian quarterbacks in the NFL. Allthough I will agree that people here tend to use less than perfect weather as an excuse to be complete morons behind the wheel.

Locals dealt with the ice as well as they knew (a knowledge base that is a pretty small one). Of course no one who is from south of Dallas has an ice scraper...why would you ever need one? I'm lucky that I can park my car in a garage which saved my windshield from becoming even more cracked. Others who parked in the elements had to deal with a half inch to an inch of ice on their windshields. Since you never need an ice scraper in your car, I saw the following items being used to scrape ice off of windshields: A wooden spoon, a butter knife...and my favorte, a fork. I once used a screwdriver. I recommend that method as long as you don't mind having to get a new windshield.

But the importiant thing is that, among the estimated 1.5 million residents of the Austin Metro Area, 1,499,998 of us survived the ice apocalypse. Not a bad survival rate when you consider that many thought the world was coming to an end.

Rick Perry, Governor by Default

2006-11-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

The 2006 election came and went with a bang, not a literal one, that would have been loud and pointless...more of the silent metaphorical type of bang.

It is a sad thing that there is no runoff in the Texas Governors race. The voters of Texas made it clear that the majority of Texans are opposed to Rick Perry...so much so that 60% of Texans were willing to vote for a slogan wielding grandma, a singing Jewish cowboy, or...*gasp*...a democrat instead. However, untimately those voices meant nothing because not enough people could settle on a candidate that they liked best...and this is a shame.

In many elections, a runoff election is held between the top two vote getters when no candidate recieves more than 50% of the vote. Perry got 39%...Democrat Chris Bell got a suprising 30% statewide. It is clear that the voters were asking for the chance to choose between the two without Kinky Friedman or Carol Keeton Strayhorn complicating the menu of candidates. In a democratically correct election, the unpopular Perry would have to face the increasingly notable Bell in a head to head contest...a contest that more than likely would prove tough to win for Perry even a heavily republican leaning state. It's easy to assume that many of those that voted for Kinky or Strayhorn were repulsed by the job that Perry has done during the six long years of his governorship. How he has managed to do so many awful things with so little power is mind boggling. The latest...an attempt to fast track the approval for construction of 17 not-very needed and heavily polluting coal power plants across Central Texas. This in addition to his incredibly irresponsible planning for a Trans Texas Corridor highway system that is really several new corridor highways...many of which are parallel to interstates without much traffic in the first place (a.k.a...ones that aren't labeled with the number 35). These are just two examples of the many reasons why our Republican governor is so unpopular, even among a heavily republican voting base.

The End of All Things Will Be Televised

2006-11-01T23:06:00.000-06:00

I'm not a big proponent of the idea that current world events are exactly what was spelled out in Revelation as ushering the end of the World. I think that God would have designed Revelation as a way to keep people on their toes because practially every generation since the apostle John has been able to rationally compare his visions to events in their present day. This means, of course, that I don't think that The Antichrist is alive yet. That said...there are a lot of people out there, including...and especially...within the mainstream American church...that are teaching some very anti-christian (when compared with the words of Christ which to me should be the standard of Christian thought but increasingly are not so in America today) ideas and messages. The most henious (as Bill and Ted would say) among these I believe is the focusing on gaining wealth and the idea that God's plan for the lives of his little christian children is to gain wealth and be prosperous and comfortable. It doesn't take more than a couple minutes of reading the words of Christ to see how increadibly and basslessly wrong this is but this post is not about that in particular.

With this preface in mind. If you were to in some way threaten my life (the cliche 'gun to the head' is acceptbale) and ask me that if the Antichrist were alive today, who would he be...I would have a pretty clear answer. And it would be completely serious.

And the answer is:

Joel Osteen, pastor of Houston's Lakewood Church (one of the world's largest "mega-churches") and author of New York Times bestseller "Your Best Life Now".

Now this theory may sound harsh and judgemental...and it is. But, he really does fit the profile. Charming and persuasive...he appeals to both believers and "unbelievers" while preaching a gospel of his own that many will confuse with the true gospel. He has literally millions of followers around the world who speak of him as if he could do no wrong. Also interesting is that many of his followers speak of him as highly, or even more so, than they would God himself...because really, as Dan pointed out...he never even really gives God any credit.

Of course he's not the anti-christ...but I believe if the eternal cosmic stuff were to go down next year, he would be a good candidate.

With Friends Like You Who Needs Friends

2006-11-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

I cannot imagine life without my best friends. That's all I can say. So geographically dispersed yet so close. Some I have lived with, others gone to college with, and others I've met on road trips. Some I haven't gotten to see in over a year.

Not much to say because if I start talking about how much I appreciate my friends I won't be able to stop, nor will I mentioned everyone that I need to.

The Cone Zone

2006-10-30T21:27:00.000-06:00

This morning was normal. I got up at 6:00, drove to work, made coffee and such and then clocked out. The afternoon however involved a quick drive to a place that by Central Texas standards is far from normal.

It's a place known as the Lost Pines in Bastrop County about a half-hour east of the city. It's name is derived from the fact that there is no really good reason for a sizeable forest of pine trees to exist in this part of the state...at least a couple hundred miles from the nearest rational pine forest. Apparently the soil there is just unusually conductive to the growth of thousands of beautiful pine trees, and even allows them to survive the periodic drought that affects Central Texas.

The idea to make the afternoon trip came from a recently aquanted friend of mine named Vince. On the drive back into Austin we coined the term "cone zone" as a way to describe this ecological anomaly. He just moved here from the other side of the country and I am excited because I have a chance to really make the transition to Central Texas life a cool one for him and to kind of be this dude's personal tour guide. I like being a tour guide, I'm a natural at it...I just don't think I would enjoy being a guide on the same tour every day. I'm just not the type to stay in one place for long.

But that's exactly the state that I find myself in.

I Am Obsessed with the new MewithoutYou Album

2006-10-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

This piece of pure artistic beauty, known more commonly as "Brother, Sister" by MewithoutYou, came out last month and I continue to listen to it obsessively...right now actually.

I've always appreciated MewithoutYou. Creative, eccentric, great in concert, thought provoking, and of course...rad. However, this album has significantly elevated them in my estimation. I am already certian that I like this album even more than their much loved (by me, and anyone else with a soul that has heard it) [A -> B] Life. That album is in my top ten of all time, which means this album is likely to sqeeze in there as well. I've actually never truly defined my top ten favorite albums of all time...but I have probably said that at least 17 or so albums are in my "top ten".

In the freaking name of all that is holy...I really like this album, a lot. So much that I put the new Mars Volta aside in order to become properly obsessed with this album.

I recently went out of state on a road trip with a couple of close friends (who also happen to be similarly obsessed...or even more obsessed..with this band...so the new stuff got a couple of quality spins and even made driving across Oklahoma somewhat bareable.

It was even playing in two other cars over the weekend...unsolicited by eagerly appreciated by myself.

To make things even better, they're coming to Austin on the 26th with Piebald. The downside is that they are not headlining...not only that, but they're opening for a band that I don't particularly like...but oh well, I'm going anyway and I'm as excited as I have been for a show since Lagwagon...and only because I had never seen Lagwagon and I've seen MwY twice...but it's been at least a couple of years or so...or 18 months...or something...too long.

Buy this album, or at least listen to it, or just check out the website or something.

The Theoretical End of Summer and Other Observations

2006-10-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

Because I like to observe things.

---

The Weather: What a change. After spending the majority of the first half of October in or near the 90's...a cold front moved though (with a lot of rain, which was interesting in itself) and today's high temperature...with sunny skies...was only 70 degrees. Unreal. "Sweater weather" for Austin in October. Supposedly we're finally done with the 90's...which is nice except I've already heard that a couple of times already this month.

---

I've become frustated (again) with the overall political debate...the shallowness, or the lack thereof. Shallow advertisments attacking donors, vague accusations of corruption, the conversational marginalization of the Iraq war and the incredible and increasingly uncessary suffering of both troops and innocents overseas and the refusal of the increasingly totalitarianistic White House to face any sort of anything remotely resembling reality on the issue...even with the pure greed ridden and perhaps evil intentions of several cabnet members exposed on a near-daily basis.

When you have the two sides arguing over how many hundreds of thousands of civilians have actually died since the U.S. invasion and subsequent Civil War...er...sectarian violence...then something is really messed up with the fabric of our political society. By the way the U.S. troop death count is now over 2,800...but that's only 6 to 7 times the size of congress...mabye putting it in that context would help them understand things since it's hard to see outside of that big and comfortable building.

But of course I'm not trying to downplay the deaths of our own troops...it's tragic...I know people that are/have been over there...it would be helpful if Bush did as well.

"So you're saying we should put Saddam Hussein back in power?"

Shut up.

---

Just because "9/11 was an inside job" makes for a catchy bumper sticker, doesn't mean it isin't a really really really laughable conspiracy theory when you factor in things like reality. That said...I do believe that 9/11 was a good coincidence as a political bullying tool...even a happy one...for certian people in the White House such a Donald "Let's invade Iraq before going after Al Queda in Afganistan" Rumsfeld.

---

Save Darfur? Why should we care, they don't have any oil or political clout. Saving thousands of lives there wouldn't make the price of gas go down and make it cheaper to fill up our H2's...so we can all afford to add that third story onto our six bedroom houses.

---

If you're in Texas...I would recommend voting for the following people before Rick Perry for Governor:

- Chris Bell
- Kinky Friedman
- Marc Katz (the deli guy)
- Willie Nelson
- Kirk Watson
- Tony Sanchez
- James Werner ("the libertarian guy", as I called him in person, it was embarrasing)
- Selina (would still do more good than Perry despite not living)
- Bill Parcells
- The ghost of Cesar Chavez
- Joel Osteen (only slightly less evil than Perry)
- Leslie
- Manu Ginoblli
- Chuck Norris
- Cedric Bixler-Zavala
- The "Rich Texan" on the Simpsons
- And I guess "Grandma" Strayhorn...but only if the Rich Texan is invalidated on the basis of being a cartoon character

Me Myself and I

2006-10-16T22:22:00.000-05:00

I am self-absorbed. So self-absorbed that I have almost become unable to think of others or of ways to help them. I had a well-timed conversation with a friend that brought this to light in my head. Here I am writing about myself to prove it.

When you seek independence you get it...and when you do...be ready to not do anything for anybody else until you begin to pull away from that selfish desire.

We were made to be in community. Always in community. Never alone. Never truly in charge.

People are Awesome

2006-10-16T22:14:00.000-05:00

There is something amazing in my life that I am not nearly thankful enough for. That would be the unfathomably cool but geographically group of people in my known as my good friends.

These people bring so much joy into my life...sometimes God even speaks to me though them...sometimes to them through me. I would be skeptical of what I just said if it wasn't for the fact that I have such a bond with certian people that I cannot explain.

Some are here in the Austin/San Marcos area...others in other parts of the state...others still at a small school in the middle of nowhere...and yet others scattered across the North America.

I often daydream that we could all be in one place...just us...just hanging out all the time and laughing and enjoying each others company week after week. I was thinking about this on the way back from a recent trip to visit one of my best friends and several other people who are good friends that I've met though him. I was thinking about it when I realized that that idea is the closest that I have ever been to envisioning heaven.

It's Gonna Rain!

2006-08-29T17:16:00.000-05:00

It rained this morning in Austin...first substantial...or even measurable rainfall that we've had since July 6....over 50 days of dry and scorching (97-104 F) weather. The first signficant change in the weather pattern in two months also marks a signicant change in my life. During the entire dry spell I lived with two other guys in a modest and very blue house in my favorite neighborhood in Austin (Bouldin Creek)...suddenly I find myself moving from a neighborhood full of "hippies" to one full of mostly fratastic college students...University of Texas students to be exact. I am not a U.T. student...I'm still having a hard time actually accepting that I'm not a student at all..I'm in between college and career and it is akward. I have a good job with good people that pays my bills and I am recovering from the financial crap-storm that kicked off my summer but I'm still feeling like I've not fully recovered.

About a month ago, not knowing where I would live after this summer now that I had a job...I got a message from my friend Rob Slater, a U.T. student, that his apartment needed a fourth roommate. After first balking at the considerably high West Campus rent I realized that my share would actually not be much higher than what I was already paying due to the number of people in the apartment as well as much lower utility costs than I had in the rickety house on Boudlin Avenue. Also...for the first time since Spring I would be in a place with someone that I knew well and would be around often enough to create a mutual spiritual and emotional support structure that I hadn't really had during the summer. People are importiant to me because I learn from them. I am cynical and stubborn to the point that I almost can only learn and accept new things, as well as criticism, from those who I let really close to me...mainly my twenty or so closest friends who are either concentrated in San Marcos or spread across the country.

The fact that only a few tenths of an inch of rain fell during the past 10 weeks is symbolic to me of my own spiritual life...and emotional life as well. I haven't felt much, or sensed much during that time. Summer was indeed a dry spell for me in a number of ways. At one point, almost overwhelmed by loneliness and at others attacked by angst and frustration with God, my fellow man, and myself. I don't think that moving into a new place, or different weather for that matter in itself represents a positive change but I do think that it is highly conincidental with the representation I feel it has for what is about to happen in my life. During the past few years I could see my life "one year from now"...but that has completely clouded up and I have no idea where I am going nor do I sense that I have all that much control over it...like driving in neutral...not always a bad thing really...allthough to me it can often be frustrating.

But ultimately, even though my immediate career plans didn't work out, I was constantly reminded of grace and love though my friends. They, not the fact that I love Austin or that I am comfortable in the region where I spent almost all of my childhood, are the number one reason why I have stayed close instead of immediately seeking out a career in the media elsewhere. I've said it's because I didn't have the resources to start a big job search (which was primarily true for much of the summer)...but that doesn't tell the entire story...or even an importiant part of it. I don't know if I have ever conveyed that because the emotions behind that thought are explosive and overwhelming. I love the people that God has placed in my life and I hope that I never forget how to show it.

- Jordan

Class War? Mabye. Class Conflict...Certainly

2006-07-20T16:41:00.000-05:00

The 90's were a good decade...for most. The Economy was booming, we weren't (seriously) at war with anybody and the news media didn't have to concern itself with massive widespread corruption allegations of congressional and business leaders alike. They were thus able to properly carpet their schedules with O.J. Simpson or the Clinton perjury question and subsequent impeachment trial that followed (which, for those of you just graduating public high school in America...is what "subsequent" means).

Most importiant to my current topic of discussion...was the visable absense of a "class-war". With an expanding middle-class and the greater overall realization of the so-called "American Dream" (construed by the middle class as advancement to the upper class...and by the lower class as advancement to the middle). Their seemed to be less emnity toward the rich and more hope among the poor (allthough things were not great for all of course). This led to many politicians on the left pulling more to the center on economic issues because American's widely percieved that what was good for the rich was also good for them.

This perception is quickly eroding today among both the working and middle classes (who also work...and increasingly harder in order to avoid dropping down the socio-economic ladder). The 35 percent (give or take a few points from week to week) job approval rating of our current fiscally conservative president are just one of many indicators that poor and middle class Americans view the health of the economy (as it relates to them) and their overall chances of financial success and well-being of their familes in an increasingly pessimistic light. Simply starting an increasingly unpopular war is not on its own enough to derail a president's support. The American people seemingly are less trusting in the White House and Congress to have their best interests at heart.

It began in the late 90's when working Americans everywhere found themselves shocked by the collapse of Enron and the allegations that surfaced of a few greedy executives orchestrating massive financial misdeeds and damaging the livelihoods of thousands of workers. Even the half-hearted attempt of Washington and local governments to go after so-called "White collar crime" following similar allegations waged at executives in other companies was enough to gain the average worker's attention. This translated to a growing distrust of the average American worker of the mantra that the rich people who are currently in charge of the American Dream Inc. have their best interests at heart. This is a striking and potentially positive trend as it appears that those at the top of the corporate world did not (and still do not today) deserve the trust and credit they were given by the average American.

Today more Americans, correct in their cynicism, are wondering if the War on Terror was used as a gateway to fight at war that may have been more about the financial security of companies such as Halliburton than the security of the American people themselves. More are looking beyond the price on the Exxon sign (which has nearly tripled in just three years) to think that perhaps more than just an increase in global demand and tighter supplies are to blame for the massive price increase that continues to make life more difficult for working people depending on their automobiles in our automobile-focused infrastructure. Financial corruption in corporate America, and the sympathetic people in congress who seemingly face more corruption-related indictments each week, are gaining the attention of the average voter and making them think. Even members of my traditionally very-conservative family are second-guessing what they have always believed about the status quo and the benevolence of those currently in power (mainly on the Republican side).

This trend is a troublesome one for the current party in power and for the status quo that allows the rich to get richer by nearly any means (including outright corruption and loss of American jobs and innocent lives) on the backs of everyone else. The workers of America are still a sleeping tiger (loose pun loosely intended) but they are begining to flinch just a bit. The Democrats unfortunely still don't have any really good answers and have spent so much time going to the far-left on social issues when they really should have focused on moving back to the left financially. As it is...with little to go on in the Democratic side and an unquestioned lack of sympathy on the Republican side...America's working and middle classes are still without a vehicle with which they can bring about substantial change. That is why I am unsure that many Americans will vote to make a change in Washington in 2006...many may just stay home out of frustration except in places such as Texas where two independents are legitimate gubenatorial candidates.

However...history has shown that genuine oppression in the United States is only tolerated for so long. Working Americans will soon rise up and shout with their voices and their votes to end this corrupt system and restore our democracy to the fair and free system many of us once thought we had. It will probably be played off at first as merely discontent people thinking only of themselves...but as it persists...the socio-ecnomic nature of the political uprising will be very clear. It will only take a few hundred thousand more layoffs...a few dozen more corruption allegations against members of congress...a few hundred more indictments of executives for financial evils. At least this is my hope. My optimism has been challenged in recent months...but history has shown that optimism does not always lead to disapointment. I look forward to the day when the majority of Americans currently taken-advantage of finally stop doing what they're told and stand up for themselves.

The Prodigal Returns to South Austin

2006-07-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

Hello this is me updating for the first time since...apparently the immigration protests. For those of you who got burned out on that story. The protested engendered an initially positive response from congressional authorities and the public alike. Pressure was put on Washington to create a comprehensive reform bill. Even the President gave a nationally televised prime time address in support of such a bill. Then...a little partisanship got in the way...the pro-immigrant groups again protested en-mass...a national "day without an immigrant" boycott was held. This time though people reacted less positivley...the protests seemed overbearing. Congress turned a deaf ear. A music group make a massive P.R. blunder by releasing a version of the U.S. National Anthem en Espanol and any attempts at reforming a broken border system fell apart in the House. Depressing? A little bit...to me at least. Damn politics. But that is not what I am writing about actually...

It's been two months since I graduated from Texas State University with a Mass Communications degree. I'm taking some time off from looking for a career job for now to focus on getting my stuff together. Mainly not be broke, mabye get a laptop and take advantage of all of this free time to further build the relashonships that I have been blessed with in the Austin-San Marcos area.

I have moved in to a house in near South Austin...just a mile from Downtown not far from South First Street and Barton Springs. I really really like this neighborhood and would like to stay here longer if I can. I will probably write about it more in the future...for now I'll just say that it's practically my dream neighborhood. Lots of local establishments...lively but not obnoxious...very diverse in many different respects and several corner coffee shops and weird stores and such. The location is insurmountably great and the other two guys living in the house are quite agreable so far and I doubt that I will have any issues with the house (besides the fact that the a/c just quit but even so it's still worth it, and it'll probably be fixed soon).

So for now I'm borrowing a roommate's computer and hopefully I will have one of my own soon and can dedicate some of this free time to writing more.

Why Immigrants Should be Seen As People

2006-04-01T00:21:00.000-06:00

Watching the massive debate of the status of some 12 million illegal and undocumented immigrats (who are actually two different things) I have become somewhat upset over how the debate has progressed. It's not that I'm mad that all of these people are trying to get out of their lousy countries and make a halfway decent living for themselves and their families on this side of our precious God-given (sarcasm) border that...um, if I remember correctly we kind of forcefully drew in the 1800's...nor am I upset about potentially losing (this is assuming that we could actually force 12 million people back across) the God-given (see first reference) economic benifits that they provide to the child of manifest destiny. Nope...I'm simply concerned about the fact that the humanity of these millions of people...many of which have taken to the streets lately to protest their systematic exploitation...has been replaced and they are now look at by many of us with green dollar figure obsessed lenses. At every point in the imigration debate...the central question is not the status of their families, their livelyhood...their economic well being...it's ours. The debate has changed to being a question of human rights and morality clashing with the rule of law...it's become "which answer to the immigrant question provides the most benifit to the American Economy".

As this point in conversations about the issue I get that feeling one gets when they hold for expected appluase and all they here as murmuring and a cough or two. You see...the economy is everything to us. I agree that it is important...but I also agree that human rights and the well being of the people in question is also importiant. Some people think nothing about our Government spending hundreds of billions of dollars to blow up and rebuild another country on the other side of the World...but God forbid we allow doctors to give emergency care to the sick child of some illegal immigrant who's freeloading off the society that our tax dollars support (of course I don't believe this, I'm not that ignorant...by the way their sales tax rate is the same as ours). Is the economy more importiant than people. I'm going to be Anti-American here and say no. Damn the Economy if it's going to continue to be built on a foundation of exploitation. I'm all about having a good economy...but only if it's built on respect for human rights of everyone living here and around the World.
But why should these immigrants be seen as people? Well, for one thing they all have beating hearts...human brains, for the most part two eyes, ears, arms...and they all have a soul. They all have basic fundemental human rights. The right to exist. If the immigration debate would be framed with this in mind, instead of simply being about the economy...then mabye many of us would be convicted to think a little more compassionately about our neighbors instead of hypocritically denying them the rights that we think we were destined to recieve...when really 98% of us were born in this country because one of our ancestors came to this country the same way that they did.
I'm not writing this to enter the debate between the fence building and the "let them all in" crowds...I just want to remind anyone who reads this that we're talking about people, not dollar signs.

The Wonderful World of SXSW

2006-03-20T01:23:00.000-06:00

Spring Break for me was very Central Texas focused. I spent a couple of slighly moody days in my hometown of Temple...but most of it was in downtown Austin. I have this internship with News 8 Austin. It's going well...I like it there and want to work there. This kept me in town for South by Southwest, which, despite it's flaws and stuff...is a great thing even if you're a freeloader like myself.

*more later*

Broadcast Newz

2006-02-27T22:46:00.000-06:00

The news is getting pretty funny...not to say that it wasn't funny before, but seriously funny. Sure, having a well known (in Austin) Austin lawyer shot by the vice president is pretty funny...except for the part about the physical pain and being in ICU and things of that nature...or handing over control of six of our ports to a company that is basically controlled by the United Arab Emirates, or the government spying on Americans without a warrant, or anyway...perhaps it's not the news that's so funny, it's the way it's being portrayed. Allthough I'll admit seeing Tom Delay's name in the Travis County felony court docket the other day was very amusing.

Remember the Recent Disney film version of "The Alamo?"

Me neither...allthough actually I do only because it was filmed in Hays County, where I live. For some reason actor Jason Patrice...or however you spell it, it really dosen't matter, he's not really that marquee of an actor anyway, thinks he's a big shot and shouldn't have been arrested like a normal person. His most well known film is the recent Disney version of the Alamo, which lost out worse at the box office than the Texas Army did at the Alamo. He sued the Austin Police Deptartment alleging unfair treatment when he got arrested for something that wasn't very relevant to anything in your daily life. A.P.D. won and the city and nation collectivley yawned. Mabye he should just sue all of the people who didn't go see the Alamo because that would have probably made him a larger celebrity and given him a greater chance (provided he could get the case moved to a court in Los Angeles). A better idea was to make a film that didn't bomb. Anything would have worked better. Mabye instead of Billy Bob Thorton in the lead role, they should have exhumed the bones of John Wanye (as sacreligious as that would be to rural america and all of the guys with the "God Bless John Wanye stickers" on their trucks...on that note...why?...He's dead...unless it's a metaphorical "God bless John Wanye" as in "That John Wanye guy was awesome and I'm going to put a sticker on my truck to memorialize him because I'm living out my wild west dreams vicariously though his movies)...brought the bones on the set and animated them...then put a C.G.I. version of the Duke into the film playing seven of the eight most promenent cast members of the Texas army (Juan Antonio Seguin being the exception...nah, a C.G.I. John Wanye could pull that one off too). The point is that even John Wanye's dead corpse would have meant better box office numbers. Therefore Jason Patrice should just shut up and go back to being the nobody that he doesn't realize he is.

Speeding for Jesus

2006-02-14T00:56:00.000-06:00

(I've decided I'm not going to write about my own life so much or what I'm feeling but more on observations, at least on this page)

Driving downtown (Austin) today on the Freeway (I-35...which I call "the Freeway"...mabye because everyone else calls it 35 and it's my statement of distain for the modern world...or I just like the word freeway...yea...that's it...it's a nice word...nice and free, in a way). On the way there (and back) from my comfortable place in San Marcos I noticed four distinct times where people were speeding in a reckless way. Now...everyone under the age of 70 speeds at some point on 35 (which ironically, has a speed limit of 70)...the flow of traffic usually hovering between 80 and 85. However, there is a differece between speeding and speeding with a reckless disreguard for human life (driving much faster than the flow of traffic and changing lanes unnessicarily in an agressive way). One of those drivers was a guy in a rather large black truck...I passed him, then minutes later he suddently decided he wanted to go over 100 miles per hour for some reason, so he sped by me dangeriously, weaved though traffic that was already going over 80, and disapeared into a thoughtless (not a random use of that word) oblivion. Naturally, I must give him the benifit of the doubt (parenthetical reference), perhaps his friend called to tell him that H-E-B was putting Bud Light on sale and he was rushing there so he could drink then and then litter his neighborhood with the empty cans the next day...or his water broke...which would have been distubing but probably would have made him famous.

You've already forgotten about the other three cars that I mentioned. There were three other cars, this is your reminder. Anyway what stood out about each of those cars was the shiny metallic fish symbol promenently placed on the back of each car. Three of the four cars driving in the most reckless and agressive way were advertising Christianity. Now don't get me wrong, I know that nothing says "Jesus loves you" more than tailgating someone until you find an open space slightly larger than your car to squeeze though and pass that person in such a way that they're sure to notice your religious affiliation and move them one step closer to Atheism. Not that this is the biggest problem in the perception of Christianity by the general public...but it is a microcosm of the problem. It is also the main reason why I refused from the start to attach a fish to my car.

My driving doesn't exactly reflect Christlike principles and in addition to that fact, I'm the person with a soul, not my car. The comment is sometimes made that aliens observing our planet mistaking automobiles as the dominant species. But not only that, they would probably notice that the cars in North America have a dominant fish worshipping religion and that those cars are always in a hurry because by being in a hurry they bring glory to the shiny metal fish in the great ocean.

My point is that in so many ways people wear religion on their sleeves (or their bumpers) while the rest of the shirt is in tatters and the glaring divide between what we say we are and what we truly are is only going to harm us in the long run. So take the fish off your car and examine the truth and the reasons behind your beliefs instead of throwing them on like the shirt on your floor that doesn't smell as bad as the other ones...don't worry, you won't go to hell for doing so, allthough some aliens might think that your car will.

San Marcos Stories

2006-01-23T00:21:00.000-06:00

My first entry of the New Year...I didn't plan on it happening so late. My break was awesome, writing about it would only serve as partial justice so I will refrain from doing so in order to process my thoughts concerning a few more recent events. This is mostly intended for my friends who hopefully still check this from time to time.

I have made a few observations of things that I am thankful for.

First, I really like San Marcos...it continues to grow on me in an amazing way. We live in paradise compared to many places...the people are great, the nearby cities (particularly Austin) are awesome, it's located in the scenic Texas Hill Country...and the weather has been fantastic. It's been close to perfect (sunny, often under 20% humidity, highs in the 60's, 70's and 80's) almost every day so far this month, which happens to be January...perfect weather is not common in January in many places north of the Equator...but in Central Texas it is.

Secondly, there is a great community forming here among my friends and I have had little to do with making it happen...neither have they...it's just, happening. I have the best friends here and in other parts of Texas and the United States that I could have ever imagine and I am so extremely thankful for them.

Third, last semester was rough...very challenging at times...however, I can look back on the experiences I had and be comforted that I did actually grow while I underwent them. Now, I am less picky and materialistic than before...I thought I was already, but I learned otherwise...I still had a lot to grow in those areas and I still do as of today.

Fourth, I love working with junior high/high school kids...I'm thankful for that because that is what I currently do for a living. I was skeptical about it at first...but my skepticism was won over by a sense that I am doing something, for now at least, that I am somewhat gifted at...simply investing in the lives of those that are a little younger than myself. The same is true of a few freshman guys that I have gotten to know over the past semester. It's strange...I have always mainly associated with people that are my age, maybe a year or two younger, or a year older...and yet now I have found myself building relationships with guys that are younger than that...but I really do love those guys and I know that I help them out and yet they've blessed my life as well in a big way. I contenue to learn that you cannot put limits on friendship or on love of any kid. I have seem people that I wrote off based on age, background, where they are from or their interests become some of my best friends here at Texas State. I used to hate being proven wrong but in this area I really do not mind so much.

For those of you reading that know me, those of you that I consider to be my friends...I love you, I really love all of you guys...I just need to find a good way to express it. Thank you so much.

- Jordan

Central Texas Sunsets Are Amazing

2005-12-29T20:19:00.000-06:00

I grew up in Central Texas but I never really appreciated the sunsets here until recently. I love sunsets...nothing says "God exists" like an incredibly colorful soon to be evening sky lit up with more colors than I could percieve to exist. Celestial artwork so unapprochable and incredible that nothing created by man can match its beauty. The last few sunsets have been especially amazing. Yesterday I was driving though the plain landscape of Temple along a long and straght boulevard and had to pull over at a disc golf park to fully admire what was to be one of the greatest sunsets that I have ever seen, anywhere. I stood, sat, and snapped pictures for a good half hour, the entire time trying to convince myself that what I was seeing was real. It was amazing. In a few days I'll post a picture or two.

The landscape in Temple and most of Bell County may be plain and boring, but the sky here does all that it can to make up for it at sunset. The average beauty of the sunsets here far outshines anywhere else that I have ever lived or spent more than a couple of days at. I'm looking forward to returning to San Marcos this weekend...I like the landscape there much more than here...but I will miss the sunsets. It's hard to explain it I guess to someone who hasn't spent a lot of time here but for at least 20 or 30 minutes on a given day it is one of the most beautiful places on Earth.

A Few Things That I Hat...er...Sort of Dislike About Temple

2005-12-22T12:21:00.000-06:00

I'm not a naturalist by any strech but I am starting to think that there are certian limiting effects that certian environments, such as my hometown of Temple, can have on the people who know nothing but that environment.

Of course, I do "like" my hometown ("hometown in this case is a general reference to the Temple/Killeen/Bell County Area in which I spent almost all of my childhood)...however, there are certian things about the atmosphere here that, in light of my own experiences in other places...tend to frustrate me. Spending the winter break here has reminded me of the reasons that I should appreciate the fact that I now live elsewhere. This is not to say that I do not have strong connections here and additionally not to say that there are not things here that I miss, but I have been doing a lot of thinking about those things that I know dislike that I never really even noticed before I left.

I am first amazed that moreso than in any other place that I have visited, you really do need access to a car to survive. I am only recognizing this because my car's engine threw a rod and I currently do not have a working vehicle as a result. It's a spread out place, a very spread out place. No place it's size or larger that I have ever visited is more spread out with a more dispersed population and infrustructure. Temple has around 60,000 people but it's limits strech as far as 7 miles south of the city "center"...6 miles north, and an astounding (in relation to population) 13 miles to the west (everyone wants to live near the lake I guess). My friend Dan's family lives 11 miles from downtown but still in the city limits. Housing developments are placed almost indescriminantly in a widely-spaced patchwork fashion across a wide, flat, and mostly boring landscape. Driving around town you can see new KB Home or Centex housing developments surrounded on all sides by fields with short brown grass, brush, some cows and the occasional lonely tree. This isin't so bad I guess, if your car works. Otherwise you had better have friends, which I fortunetly do.

The atmosphere here is static. People are generally nice I guess. Heartland American values thrive in one of the reddest parts of "red America". However, there is also a stifiling sense of a lack of change, or a willingness to change. People welcome a new resturant by flooding into it and placing it on the front page of the local paper. Development and new residents are welcomed as well. But other changes, idealogoical ones, will likely not take place here in my lifetime. It seems like a lot (but not all) of people here do not really determine their own values, but are content to let others do so. The area is staunchly conservative...I don't think that in itself is a problem...the problem is in the sort of "yellow-dog" conservativism that exists here. I once thought of myself as a conservative because I was raised here and that is from birth pretty much what you are taught is absolutely right and anyone that is branded a liberal is excommunicated from any credibility or any chance to be right about anything. That sort of, what I will come out and say is closed-mindedness, creates a very shallow dynamic for discussing anything of any sort of importiance. I'm not a "left-wing nut" or a "liberal-extremist" but if I were to share the polictical views that I have fairly independently arrived upon (at least they are far more independent than many held here) I would quickly be branded as one and most people would not give any sort of creedence to anything I said beyond that.

This is not to say that everyone here is this way...or that all conservatives are this way (there are certianly a lot of open minded conservatives...they just happen to be more often found in other parts of the country)...but a good number are and the general atmosphere leans in the direction of shallowness and superficial beliefs that are not deeply held. Many people here are deeply religious, but the rest are shallowly so because you don't really want to stand out that much. The social norm is that you go to church, or at least appear as if you do so. Some grow up here and leave with a strong idealogical and worldview footing, but many others flounder when they leave (or if they stay). It's hard to defend your beliefs when you don't know why you believe what you do. Many young people here, even some friends of mine, struggle because they were never thought to think independently or to question things in order to have some understanding of what they say, do, think and claim to believe. I know that this happens to some degree everywhere, but it is an especially prevelent problem here.

Hold Up Watts

2005-12-15T21:31:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about the Inner City lately. Particularly Watts and Compton, two areas in Los Angeles County that are very notorious for gangs and crime. I think about them because I have spent time in both. When I was in Watts I knew that it was one of the worst areas in the country for violent crime. I worked with a group that was putting on a one day sports camp for kids in the Nickerson Gardens housing project. I would later read that this project is the birthplace of the nortorious Bloods gang. The Crips were also born in Watts, which is an area in Southeast Los Angeles. It's described as "drive over country", because you drive over it on a freeway. Even my "street-smart" team members and I would avoid the area when returning to our house near downtown from working in Compton or Lynwood. It's a rough place to say the least. I talked to one resident of the Nickerson's describe how he had been shot at just a few nights before, and how he watched an LAPD squad car get fired upon as it drove though the neighborhood. The LAPD does not go to Watts, unless they absolutely have to. It is the closest thing to anarchy that I have personally witnessed. When the cops do venture there to answer a call, bad things happen. Just the other night a squad car was driving in Watts at 5 a.m...suddently a laser guided sight flashed though the car's interior and a bullet ripped though the hood of the car. The cop was unharmed but he was very lucky to be. Earlier this summer, not long after we vistied the Nickerson's, two L.A. cops sparked massive protests when they fired on a suspect and killed him, and his three year old daugher. In an environment that is no less tense than the one that led to the riots in 1992, one incident like that is enough for the entire city to be concerned.

This gang war-torn part of Southern California was in the news a lot this past week due to the excecution to alleged Crips co-founder Tookie Williams. He was convicted of very horrible crimes, crimes that even I think warrant the death penalty as a reprocussion (I only support the death penalty in the most extremely extreme cases)...however he maintains his innocence. Many people think that he is either innocent, or that at least he has found redemption. He has, from his cell at San Quentin, written several books designed to dissuade kids from joining gangs, he has been a vocal advocate against the gang violence he was once such an active player in. This man, even if he commited the crimes that he was convicted of, has done more for inner city kids in the past 20 years than the vast majority of people anywhere. Ironic isin't it. And honestly, in a case of minority inner city resident versus the justice system, I don't know who to believe because this past summer I heard a lot of things from the inner city minority point of view for the first time and that point of view radically altered my perception of a lot of things. Did Tookie deserve to die? I honestly don't know. I do know that the hundreds that die of gang violence every year shouldn't die. This shouldn't be happening. There is something at work there that is henious, and goes far beyond the simple explinations given in social and political circles when the topic of the inner city is on the table.

These kids in Watts, in Compton, anywhere in Inner City L.A...are kids...they are simply kids...that is all. Children. I watched them play that day in the Nickersons. They jumped around, played soccer, football, basketball (the teens and young adults could seriousl ball, unfortuntely they are only so many that can be good enough to escape the ghetto, and it is a ghetto, they're trapped), they joked around. One kid named James and his friend told me about their plan to take a road trip to Las Vegas when they were older. They said it with such hope, such expectation. However, that is about all the hope you'll find there. Most of them can't see past Watts, can't see past the bleak reality of daily gun fights, a constant stream of deaths of people that they know, constant fear...fear of the other gang, the other race, the police...all they know is the maze of drab apartment buildings beneath a steady stream of jumbo jets approching LAX full of people who have little knowledge of the brazen reality that swarms ten-thousand feet below them.

My friend Michael was shooting a basketball with a kid, about eight years of age, he asked him a normal question..."do you like it here?"

"No", he answered, "there are too many shootings here".

He is right, if an eight year old knows this, then there is something very wrong with a society that allows this to fester without lending a hand, anything, to this black hole that seems to absorb light, hope and innocence. It is not a hopeless situation, unless the status quo of sectarian society caring only about it's own class and social groups contenues to function as the norm. Until then...the people in Watts, both black and brown, will have to fend from themselves.

"You're good people," a visably nervious twenty-something mexican guy with knife scars on his face told me and three of the girls that I was working the sports camp with. "You shouldn't be here. Good people don't come to Watts."

"Somebody has to come here", we told him. We were there precisely because Watts needs good people...but more importiantly we reminded him that there were good people in Watts...not everyone is there to join gangs, deal drugs and shoot people. Some are just trying to survive. He cracked what vaguely resembed a smile. He was encouraged to an extent but said he could never be a good person in Watts. I understood where he was coming from. "Good" and "bad in the inner city are very different concepts than the good and bad that most of us are familar with. "Well you guys better be careful", he said, "they'll mess with you." He was probably right, but as nervious as that made me I kept up a good front. I had to. Fear like that is something that I just didn't know coming from a comfortable place like Central Texas.

We walked back to the park. I walked into the Nickerson Gym...a humble brick building at the corner of 114th and Compton. Without looking outside, if it wasn't for what I had heard (and seen) that day, it would have been easy to imagine being anywhere in the United States. It was a gym with a basketball court and kitchen. However, scanning the walls my eyes glanced over various photographs...one of which was a snapshot of the moment a truce was reached between the Crips and Bloods, the most notorious gang rivalry in America. That truce imploded this year. Watts is again at war. But for that moment there was hope. I went back outside...Michael and I decided to start a pick up soccer game with some of the kids. For the next hour or so, they could forget about shootings and gangs and poverty and the fathers that they never see, and concentrate on scoring goals. For that hour I also forgot about the fear manifest in my surroundings and found myself completely at peace in the middle of the Nickerson Garden's project in Watts. It was at that moment that I gained just a fraction of understanding of what this moment meant to the kids. The smile on my face, and the smiles on theirs as we played on that dusty field in an area that even cops are afraid to enter, was something that I did not expect. Those smiles, the innocence, the oasis of innocence in a place where innocence often dies a early death, struck me as something truly beautiful. A beauty so stark that it still makes me crack a tearful smile months later. It makes me wonder if evil exists simply to make good things that much more attractive and wonderful.

Dude, Where's My Journal?

2005-12-13T22:18:00.000-06:00

The semester is over, and I, seeking a path down which to channel my seemingly unlimited free time, have gathered barely just enough motivation to make a post for the first time in, really, many weeks. I took my last final exam only 6 hours ago and now I still can't seem to grasp the fact that my semester is over and I will have to radically and quickly figure out something to do with the time that was only too recently occupied by studying.

I don't have any money. Can't do much about that as I have had about the worst financial luck that I could imagine this semester. I have decided not to write about the semester because really, it was tough at times and downright frustrating at others. There were many happy events that occured though. I will likely do some reflecting upon those.

I already find myself missing people that only left town today. I will be spending a good portion of the break in Temple with some of my best friends and family, trying to make the most out of my suddently more limited resources.

Can't Escape The Line of Best Fit

2005-10-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

As far as the contenuing legendary saga of the road trip goes...it will be concluded soon. But I want to write about other less legendary things as well.

---

So I'm here at Texas State...my life, despite all of the random challanges and circumstances, has been much happier lately. I'm seeing people...I've got a new job here in San Marcos and mabye another one that I'll also enjoy as well. However, a lot of things have been "getting to me"...one of them is being pretty much broke for now. My computer is also broke, after it fell out of my bag and onto the driveway in a dramatic fashion.

I just need to learn to be more content with my situation reguardless of what it is.

One thing that I do have is relashonships with some really awesome people. Last night I spent time with several of them at Sewell Park...but I am also bogged down with countless projects and tests for school, as well as some long term things that I am not getting done but need to.

Road Trip Part 2: The Epic Contenues to Progress in a Contenuious Fashion (Rated PG-13 for Strong conspicuiously masked language and partial-nudity)

2005-10-26T00:11:00.000-05:00

We raced toward the ever widening chasm on Edward Gary Drive. Sorority girls looked on in horror at the upcoming gust of wind that would frazzle their already unraveling hair. Just before we were to tumble into the canyon I pushed the secret red button under the dashboard and the jet turbo boosters in my car kicked into gear, allowing my car to gracefully leap the chasm. We landed to the sound of squealing tires and numerous expletives. The car spun around several times and we came to a halt. Danny was laughing maniacally while threatening my life. I grabbed his wrist as he was lowering his arm to drive a bowie knife, one that has been in his family since long before the time of James Bowie, into my shoulder. IT WASN'T MY G-----N FAULT MAN...I DIDN'T KNOW THAT CANYON WAS GOING TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF EDWARD F------ GARY DRIVE!!! Paul the hurdler looked stunned...I took the knife from Danny who was now crying as I explained that he was forgiven, and then tried to justify my outburst of profanity to Paul. Cody in the meantime sat expressionless in his seat, counting the days since the last time he had ridden in a car as it used a jet engine turbo blast to jump a newly opened urban canyon.

We drove on in stunned silence. Cody at times attempted to interject with akwardly timed statements over the rising price of milk and how it inversely affects the sorghum market. Danny mixed a couple of chemicals that he had secretly brought along, Paul pulled his finger out of his nose, wiped off the residual brain tissue, and began to laugh at the clear blue sky above. We pulled up to the odd looking traffic light at University and L.B.J. I put in a Slowreader cd to try to soften the tense mood in the car.

"I don't know if this quiet music is appropriate in this post 9/11 world, a world of rising gas prices, religious fanaticism and high anti-depressant use", Cody said. I assured Cody that I wouldn't play music if I thought that it would be un-patriotic. Danny stroked his crossbow, Paul drew a monkey on his shirt with a marker he found in the pile of trash on the floor of the car, and then ate the marker. Five minutes later, we still sat at the intersection.

"Why isin't the light changing"?...I wondered aloud.

"I think I know", Danny said.

The wait contenued.

Road Trip!

2005-10-25T13:17:00.000-05:00

It has become a triditon on Monday around the hour of 5 p.m. to undertake a road trip in Diego "my car" from Central Campus to Harris Dining Hall, over a mile away. The food is a bonus but the real perk are the crazed hijinks that follow. Accompaning my on both
trips so far have been two of my favorite people: The venerable Cody Cheeves and none other than Danny "future President of the United States of America" Rodriguez. Each trip has had a cameo guest star, Matt Luna, who gained worldwide notoriety in the great Santa Cruz heroin bust of 2004, and this week Danny's hallmate and accomplished marathon hurdler known only as Paul the Hurdler of Venice.

The following reports of last Monday's trip are sketchy, and may or may not be merely a really awesome legend.

---

With the venerable one in the front seat, we drove by the musty and humble confines of Beretta Hall only to find Danny and Paul waiting disguised as gargoyles flanking the front steps. I approached them cautiously, emmitting sanskrit phrases that only Danny can comprehend and they came to life, resumed their normal forms, and got into the car. There were no clouds in the sky and yet we all felt a sense of cloudy prospects of unforseen danger lurking ahead on our trip. I peeled out cautiously, watching for terrorist and we began to circumnavigate the campus...with Cody using the word circumnavigate to describe everything that he had done that day. My first sign that things were not in their normal state was the gigantic chasm that opened in front of me as we flew down the hill on Edward Gary drive at 75 miles per hour. Cody screamed, Danny yelled, Paul ignorantly picked his nose and then screamed, the force of which jammed his finger up his nose and partially into his brain. I knew I had one option...but would my poorly installed jet boosters work?

To be contenued...

I Love School Most of the Time

2005-10-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

You learn interesting things in this place known as the Texas State University School of Journalism and Mass Communication.

The following are random facts that I picked up from classes that I had no clue were...well, facts.

- The song "Happy Birthday" is actually copyrighted, and you have to pay the copyright owner to use it in a film.

- Television Networks are requried to provide at least three hours of educational childrens programming per week. ABC Television once tried to defend against the accusation by stating that The Flintstones and the Jetsons met the government's requirements...because the Flintstones told kids about the past, and the Jetson's told kids about the future. They lost their case.

- The only thing in the United States that cannot be patented is a fully developed human being. Certian microrganisims have actually been patented. Past copyright law stated that living things could not be patented but that was overturned in a court case.

- The "nusiance car ordinance" in the city of San Marcos states that if a vehicle is found with expiried registration (even if it is parked on a private lot or driveway), the city has the right to tow the vehicle.

- A Federal Court decision actually stated that it is legal under the First Amendment for a media outlet to falsify news, denying whistleblower status to fired reporters who were suing a Local Fox News station in Tampa that was doing just that in order to please certian advertisers.

- Americans view, on average, 3,600 advertisements per day.

- It is a common advertising strategy to market their products directly to children, knowing that they will then effectivley nag their parents to purchase those products for them.

I'll likely add more when I think of them.

I Think I've Contracted Avian Bird Flu

2005-10-17T23:08:00.000-05:00

That or I need to use the bathroom.

Apparently our nation cannot survive without an apocalypse looming on the horizon. I would like to think that people would be content to think that the world is not about to end, but observation proves otherwise. The latest apocalypse revolves around a strain of avian bird flu mutating and being spread somehow by humans creating something called a "pandemic".

I'm not exactly sure what a pandemic is...but it sounds delicious. It sounds like a clinic where you learn to make bread...not just any bread, but medical bread with great medicinal properties.

Perhaps this bread will be the next cure for the next apocalypse. Y2K had generators and non-perishable food. For every dirty bomb threat there is a roll of duct tape. Gas is supposed to hit $8 a gallon or something in the next month leading to the collapse of the American lifestyle. Now, in the face of this grave and almost certianly apocalyptic pandemic...we have medical bread that is laced with stuff that is probably a cure, or at least something that will help us pass the time while we're dying. Corporations could market this bread, with an ad campagin declaring that if people do not purchase the special bread they will be killed by falling planes and civil unrest after the power goes out.

Banished to Suburbia (or, Exiled to Spend My Days Almost Exclusivley in Beautiful Sunny San Marcos)

2005-10-11T19:15:00.000-05:00

The past week has been a somewhat turbulent one for myself, but beneficial at least in the short term. The turbulence began to turbulate (is that a word? Spell check says no but my heart says yes) last Tuesday when I was, with no advance warning or even the slightest hint, I was suddenly and not so gracefully let go from my job. I know am doing something that millions of other “bloggers” do, which is don’t work. There is not much to explain about it because my employer did not have much to explain to me about it. I told my manager how much this screws me over and makes life exceedingly difficult for me financially but I also said thanks for not hardcore firing me but instead just “letting me go”…and how that still sucks.

I’ll admit that, while they had no specific reason to let me go (very vague were their reasons), I was getting a little burned out. There have been subtle benefits for me losing my high-strung, busy and distant job which I had to commute to though often heavy traffic on the far side of Austin. None of them are, of course, financial, but do have a lot to do with my social life and my mental health. The major ones are as follows:

- A return to a normal heart rate
- A substantial reduction in swearing
- Less overall enmity toward mankind
- Fewer instances of saying things like “I want to burn this town to the ground”…and halfway meaning it
- Seeing and talking to people that I don’t work with, including my roommates
- No more “crazy eye”
- Going to bed before three a.m. on school nights means less gorilla like behavior the next morning.
- Seeing people I don’t recognize but know my name and ask me about things that I don’t remember doing
- No more scent of coffee flowing from my hair in the shower
- A regained ability to control the tone of my voice
- A 68% drop in “road rage”
- Fewer trips on the asphalt cauldron of death and super-fastness known as Interstate 35
- Going to Austin will now always be fun
- I no longer work for a guy that writes propaganda…er…speeches for President Bush
- My ears will no longer be damaged by senseless and irrational yelling by certain co-workers after closing
- I don’t have to bother taking off work after I get the pleasure of having my ingrown toenail removed tomorrow, because I’m already off the schedule.
- I get to see people that I like more often and for longer periods of time
- Stronger motivation to look for jobs in San Marcos, where I reside and learn, and hopefully soon, work.

Those are just a few of the subtle benefits…a few are slightly exaggerated but the overall theme is accurate.

Panda Watch

2005-10-01T15:24:00.000-05:00

I've been assigned my first package story for my TV News class that will be due this Monday. I'm thinking about doing a piece on the preposed park above Aquarena Springs (where they were going to build the hotel/conference center before people found out and got pissed)...there will be a bond election on November 8 for the City of San Marcos to provide money to the park fund along with the county funds that have already been preposed. I think this story will work but I need a backup plan if it doesn't. If you guys can think of anything that you think will be a good idea just let me know. Thanks.

Don't Hate the ipod, Hate Yourself

2005-09-30T18:11:00.000-05:00

The above title doesn't necessarily reflect the message of this entry, I just happen to like it.

I recently had the privilage of viewing the documentary entitled "The Corporation" (I'll give you three guesses to figure out what it's about). The film made a number of interesting points and presented a variety of interesting facts and opinions (And do so in such a way that you could distinguish between the two). Among them, was the idea that corporations today are no longer require to rely on physical products to be successful (parenthetical reference), all the really need to do is produce a brand, and market it in such a way that people become attached to and have a sort of weird relashonship to that brand. Great examples include McDonalds for fast food, Nike for shoes, Starbucks for "coffee", and of course, the ipod.

What is it about the ipod (and apple products in general in the Austin area) right now that has broght on such incredible dominance and popularity in the mp3 market? Is it the best player? Not necessarily? The cheapest? Hardly...what I see is just another manifestation of an old pattern...society in general has become obsessed with yet another name.

Of course, critics of people like myself who would dare attempt to vaguely question the masses' seemlingly fetishistic devotion to big name brand corporations (in this case, the ipod) will play the "you're just jealous because you can't afford one" card...mabye they're right, but then again, your economic class background and status does affect your viewpoint on a lot of things, including pop and (espeically) consumer/material culture. Since I am the caretaker of all my financial responsiblities I am unable to afford to risk the expense...but then perhaps that gives me a freedom to have a vantage point outside the realm of materialistic competition.

One thing this viewpoint, along with a pretty holistic media education, is the ability to percieve the difference between simply creating products and creating brands to be objects of devotion for millions. In the early days of the ipod, it was marketed as a device to listen to all your favorite music on a small pocket sized object. ipod commercials mainly showed sillouhetted figures dancing rhymically to a bland U2 song in front of a random monochromatic background...now, most ipod ads focus on a trendy looking head with white headphones plugged into their ears...the white headphones that became a status symbol, joining their older siblings: The swoosh and starbucks mermaid as things many people think they need to wear on or around them in order to be a part of the "in crowd"...whatever that means.

So the ipod, like a pair of Nikes in the 90's, or a starbucks container, is now marketed in a way that focuses on what the product looks like more than what the product does. Yet another hallmark of materialism that the masses can identify with because they increasingly find fewer and fewer sources of true identity in our increasingly homogeneic popular-culture.

Camp Mozart's

2005-09-30T17:44:00.000-05:00

Where was I last weekend?

Well, the bills have to be paid, and my quest to pay them broght me to work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Why was I given such a schedule...well, the ACL Festival was in town, and a good portion of the workforce at Mozart's coffee roasters (beside, of course, myself), had taken a leave of absence to attention.

And we were busy, quite busy, thanks to tens of thousands of evacuees from
Hurrican Rita crowding in from Houston. The two large groups of people spawned the spontaneous creation of Camp Mozart's...the main schedule consisited of the afore mentioned work shifts that my friend Jim and I shared, then crashing at Jim's place...and a good deal of hanging out during the day on both Saturday and Sunday.

I arrived on Friday, the village idiot circus had begin around Zilker park...thousands of out of town drivers, blending with the usual local traffic, maneuvering their cars in a fashion that suggested the apocalypse was indeed neigh. I decided to drive from the U.T. area over to Thundercloud to grab a sub sandwitch before work. Two miles, twenty minutes and three near accidents later I arrived following behind four rather good looking girls who apparently thought that local ordanances permittied good looking co-eds to walk side by side down the middle of public streets. I wave and smiled in an admittedly sarcastic fashion...they didn't seem to notice but fortuntely I had reached my destination.

I purchased a classic sub and had a good but short conversation with the workers there as we lamented the upcoming weekend and our general distain for large crowds of tourists. Working in the Central Austin area means you generally dread the weeks that most people in Central Texas look forward to. Did I mention it was hot? If the organizers of the Austin City Limits Music Festival were to schedule their even in the middle of January, I'll bet you a pair of overpriced Coldplay tickets that the temperature will still exceed 100 degrees. My car, fortunetly, does not have air conditioning...making driving in unusually bad (and it's usually bad) traffic even more exciting and confortable. Aparently the bonus features of purchasing an A.C.L. wristband included hours of exposure to 101-108 degree heat and the blazing Texas Sun, trading body sweat with a few thousand other people, and inhaling an unhealthy amount of dust that was kicked up by the 70,000 or so attendees on the very dry surface of Zilker Park. But hey, at least the Hurricane didn't affect us, allthough apparently the only way to get the temperature under 100 degrees here in September is a hurricane, which is not something you can just cross your fingers and count on happening.

Camp Mozart's did improve however. After a tiring and long night of work I crashed at Jim's place...and woke up the next day to find that some very awesome friends of mine from other area codes and states had driven into town. We kicked it around the drag for a while, I went with them to Chuy's but then Jim and I left for the second night of work at Camp Mozart's. It happened to be the busiest night I've ever worked. An extremely long line, two of them in fact, out the door all night. Evacs and their families for the first half of the tight, and then hundreds of festival-goers later on, most of whom resembed tomatoes and said that they were having a great time at A.C.L. despite all of the retinal damage and the overall look of "dear God what am I doing in this horrible blazing furnace of a place" look in their eyes.

Sunday was much more of a sublime day. Abel was my one friend in the group that came to town that didn't have a wristband, so I kept him company all day. We got a burrito, did a couple of random errands, then drove around in my car in the 108 (offically) degree heat before realzing what a terrible idea that was and going back to our friend's apartment where I got to watch the Cowboys pull out a startiling come from behind victory over the lousy 49ers. Work was all that was left at this point so I went and made it though one more evening and then returned to San Marcos, signaling the end to Camp Mozart's...not my favorite camp ever, but it was better than going to jail, or something like that.

Oh, did I mention I'm really glad that they don't hold the A.C.L. fest every weekend? Well, I'm really glad...otherwise I would move to Sweden, purchase a team of sled dogs, and drive off to the North Pole where hopefully I would be cryogenically frozen next to Ameila Earhart and Tupac only to be unfrozen in a future void of such mass-tourist corporate dollar driven events, or a future where at the very least I can afford to attend them.

Hot Hot Heat: Early Fall in Central Texas

2005-09-28T10:57:00.000-05:00

It's really starting to feel like Fall in Central Texas.

High Temperatures from Austin Bergstrom Airport over the past week (which are usually right at, or close to those in San Marcos).

Fri - 101
Sat - 103
Sun - 108
Mon - 107
Tue - 104
Wed - ? (Forcast high is 104)

The weather lately has bascially punished me for the two months I spent in sunny but not nearly as hot L.A. I thought I had gotten out of the heat thing for this summer, but I was wrong. I normally wouldn't mind but spending two months away was quite a disaclimating experience. It's been harder to find simple motivation with the weatherbeing so freakin' hot and blazing. The good news is that a cold front will drop our high temperature tomorrow all the way to 84 so we're going to have much cooler weather for a couple of days.

For the Weather Channel I'm Jordan Stewart.

I usually would write about something more interesting, but this is a part of my life right now since I've had to spend a lot of time walking outdoors, or riding in my very non-air conditioned car (including on Sunday when it was 108).

San Marcos is Spanish for Fantasy-Land

2005-09-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

Despite the awkwardly performed break in to my duplex (two of my roommates had laptops stolen) last week, I feel extremely safe in San Marcos. Our place is the only place in the neighborhood to be broken into in the past few years. Petty theft is probably the most of my worries here. This contrasts sharply to where I lived this past summer, Inner City Los Angeles…a city where violent crime and police chases are a daily occurrence. San Marcos is, by contrast, an extremely "safe" community. Texas State University, despite its size and dense urban setting, is an extremely safe college campus. After almost one month back in the area (this time living in San Marcos instead of commuting from Austin) I have arrived at the conclusion that where I am living is basically a fantasy world, a nice hilly little hamlet of safety and security (just outside of a much larger but still fantastically safe for it's size city called Austin) that most people around the world, not to mention Inner-City L.A., could not imagine.

This town has so much beauty, especially by Texas standards; San Marcos is so nice that just saying that it is "nice" understates just how nice things here are. Of course there are problems, traffic congestion, outdated traffic lights (all of which are slated for replacement in the next year), trains crossing major streets at rush hour, the typical problems associated with the college party scene (mainly noise and, God forbid, kids smoking pot), a very tight job market (mainly due to having thousands of students in such a small area) and the town's identity crisis, it's refusal to fully admit that it is a growing metropolitan college city.

But then the list of problems pretty much ends...and if you have spent a significant time anywhere else, especially a place as radically different as Los Angeles...you might notice that these problems aren't really worth complaining about. Someone living in L.A. is probably more concerned about their kid getting caught in the crossfire of a gang shootout, or a riot exploding in their neighborhood, than they are about someone not using their turn signal or how bad traffic is, or getting stuck at that damn red light all the time. Then there's the list of things in San Marcos (local and Austin Metro Area characteristics) that are just plan amazing after spending time in the Inner City. Among them:

- Extremely clean air
- Extremely low crime
- Virtually no violent crime-
- Virtually no gang activity
- Walking alone at night not extremely dangerous
- Natural beauty and open spaces in and around the city
- A picturesque and blight-free cityscape
- Visible stars at night (You see more helicopters than stars in L.A.)
- Extreme quiet at night, quiet during the day.
- Affordable rent/housing (not compared with the rest of the state of course, but very affordable compared to Southern California)

This is not meant to be a comparison between San Marcos and L.A...the two places are so radically different that a comparison would be illogical. There are many things about L.A. that I miss, I love the city, the ocean, the weather there is much more plesant in the summer, there are so many things to do and see there. The reality of life there is much less of a fantasy and more like "real life" than here. What I am getting at are the things about our beautiful town that I see are, for the most part, generally taken for granted. I'm saying that San Marcos is an incredible place to live and most people here don't seem to recognize that...maybe because they have never lived anywhere that is more challenging or real than here (kids from Inner City Houston and others are definite exceptions). This is meant to be a positive summary of my impression upon my return to Central Texas. I perceive life here very differently than I did before this summer.

San Marcos is a postcard town. San Marcos is a fantasy world compared to the harsh reality of life in many other areas. San Marcos should not be taken for granted. If you live here, the next time you find yourself complaining about the typical topics most people (including myself) tend to complain about here, maybe take a moment to think of all of the positive aspects of this area, the things that maybe you take for granted. I mean, at least you get to see open spaces, and stars, and don't have to worry about flying bullets.

Anatomy of a Political Shift

2005-09-09T16:26:00.000-05:00

It's not that I've been indoctrinated by a "liberal" education...I've just begun to truly gain the resources to think for myself. I think of myself as one of the last people that will let the masses, others, society, anything beside my own values (while those are admittedly shaped in part by those things I just listed) shape my views on anything.

I always thought for myself...but those thoughts and the experiences that I could draw from to form my (I believe) well formed (based on what I knew) thoughts and opinions where severely limited by my conservative upbringing in Bell County Texas, which could best be described as "infa-red America". Everyone there, it seems, is conservative...everything I ever heard, from my family, friends, and most everyone I met was tainted with a severe bias...a bias I did not recognize because in the society I was in it was simply mainstream thought. Of course I was taught that Christianity (which I did not embrace finally and fully until age 19) and conservatism (i.e. voting Republican) were inseparable. God was a Republican, if you are a godly person you vote Republican, bottom line. Voting democratic in some circles there is tantamount to breaking all of the Ten Commandments.

Enter college...well, not community college, but real college at Texas State. It is fairly liberal by Texas standards and I was exposed to much more in the way of points of view that were radically different from my own. Being for the first time strongly exposed to different viewpoints will always have an affect on a person. For my first year at Texas State I pretty much stuck with the political philosophy that I came in with (strongly conservative) but I began to question things in my mind. To this day I haven't told anyone in my family that I have begun to depart from the political doctrine that I was raised with. My immediate family wouldn't shun me but I wonder what my grandparents and others in my extended family would think. Some of my friends that remain there are also disenchanted with neo-conservatism but they also keep that fact in seclusion around some other people.

Do I now vote Democratic...actually I'm not sure at this point. However, I no longer embrace the Republican Party. One of my first realizations (beside the fact that maybe Liberals weren’t wrong about everything just because they're liberals) is that we live in a society where societal pressures essentially bully people into taking strict political sides...you're either a republican or a democrat, hardcore liberal or hardcore conservative. For example, if you're strongly pro-life (as I still am) then you have to subscribe to all of the remaining doctrines of conservatism (such as reduced Government involvement in environmental policy, which I strongly oppose)...many of which I have rejected over the past couple of years. Power is maintained by the status quo by tricking people into thinking that they do not have other options than to join in the heavily sectarian and sharply two-sided political fray. I'm not going to go into the specifics of my newly forming (it is still very much in process) political philosophy...I will address that in another entry. What I am trying to detail here is the process that I have been going though for a couple of years now. It's hard to realize that you actually believe you have been wrong about things literally all of your life. That the philosophy that so dominated your upbringing is, in your eyes, heavily flawed and tainted.

So here I am...yes, my political views have taken a sharp left turn, but remember that I started out on the extreme far right...I don't know how far left this will take me. All I know at this point is that I have rejected neo-conservatism (with a few, mostly social, exceptions) in favor of still forming views that will better reflect my value system. You see, my personal value system (which was radically changed three years ago) and that of neo-conservative ideals have clashed for those two or three years...leading to ideological conflicts and increased frustration and anger when discussing politics with others. This irritation peaked during last November's elections...I was not happy with anything. I marked my vote solidly for George W. Bush the G.O.P. one last time but realized that my value system, my heart, even my head, where not making the called. I simply wanted to vote and those societal pressures from where I grew up were still calling the shots. I will close this thought by stating that, especially in light of the increasingly disastrous operation in Iraq, my increasing distain and distrust of the big business and corporations that this administration coddles, and the utterly horrific handling of the Gulf Coast devastation by the White House, I very much regret that vote. Sure I didn't think that John Kerry was a good alternative...but then again, was he the only alternative. Should I open my mind and free myself from this trap of taking sides? That is the process I am in at the moment.

There will be much more to come on this. I need to get these thoughts out.

Blissful Ignorance (Homeless Children in the U.S. and Other Problems that Don't Exist)

2005-09-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

This past summer I witnessed the reality of certain problems in Inner City Los Angeles that many people in (often Conservative) political circles will downplay, or even deny the existence of.

Here is the most notable one:

- Homeless children:

Skid Row, just east of the Financial Center of Downtown Los Angeles, is home to thousands of homeless people, many who struggle with drug and alcohol addictions, who have been concentrated there by the stunningly heartless policies of the city. The several missions there struggle to provide the services that they will find nowhere else. The unfortunate reality of having to get clean to enter a mission keeps many from the long term rehabilitative help that they need. Addictions are so powerful and destructive. One could legitimately argue that it is the decisions of these individuals that have placed them there...of course this does not take into account the influences of circumstantial factors on the likelihood of certain decisions, although some of the homeless there have a college education and were successful until they chose the path of chemical addiction.

There are some on Skid Row however that cannot be blamed for their situation. These are the children of those individuals whose only fault was being born into a life of misery by their addicted and homeless parents. These kids wander the streets...they have no opportunities...none. Forget school, they don't have the means to get there...some do, but it's tough, very tough. They have to do it on their own. Many of their parents are too busy trying to find another fix on the street to take care of them. Walking with a team of two girls into a crowded park area, the only source of green and growing things in the hideously blighted area, we came upon three girls. They were children, that was all. They didn't ask for money, they didn't (as far as I could tell) have any addictions, they were just children. It was apparent from talking to them that they had the same near-term desires as others their age...but already suffered from the lack of education and resources. Unless they can somehow escape from their situation, find shelter, a loving home, an education, they will languish in this miserable area that most of the millions in Southern California spent their days not thinking about. These are the forgotten children of the United States...I am writing the name of this country here with a purpose. These are the faces of kids in the United States that a vast majority of the people of this country do not know exist...if asked about them, many will go so far as to say there is no such thing here as homeless kids. When I relate the truth to many people here in Central Texas they are completely surprised because they have literally no idea. Nothing is mentioned in political social or economic circles about the forgotten children of the United States. These children are not a consideration of the mantra of "No Child Left Behind" because they simply do not officially exist.

The little ray of home in these kids lives is found in the missions (which are geared toward adults), and, perhaps more brightly, in the S.A.Y. YES! (Save America's Youth) Center for Youth Development housed at the under funded and under resourced storefront Central City Church of the Nazarene...located at the corner of 6th and San Pedro, the heart of Skid Row. The staff there works tirelessly to provide some help, some educational services, to the kids there. Their stories are heroic and heartbreaking...and unbelievable if you are one of the many suburban acculturated Americans that have never heard the story of America's forgotten children. If you are ever in L.A., I encourage you to visit this street corner and have your eyes opened to a terrible disgrace, and the tiny ray of hope that shines in this very dark place.

Hanging on one of the walls in the center is a painting of a radio...with the words "Sing now while you can" brushed onto the canvas, a visualization almost certainly inspired by the Jimmy Eat World song "Your New Aesthetic". When I visited the center my eyes gazed on the painting and I at once understood the significance of what was there...whether intended or not, the words describe the mission, the goal that the center has for these forgotten children. No matter what happens in the future. No matter the uncertainties that cloud their futures...they want these kids to sing, to laugh, to enjoy, at least for a moment, the childhood that is mostly denied them. Because of their work, and the few others on Skid Row who have not forgotten the forsaken, these kids have hope and they can sing, at least for now.

It is my prayer that others will have their eyes opened to them, and their hearts broken by the realization that even in this country, there are so many people living without hope who need us to show them that they can find it.

Ranch Road 12

2005-09-05T13:55:00.000-05:00

My spiritual and mental states of being have reached what to seems to me to be an impass. Of course, I'm still thinking and I still have a soul...they just seem to be suspended. I'm not doing as well as I would like back here in Texas. I'm not in love with my life here even though there are several reasons why I should be. Perhaps my perspective has had such a radical shift that I have not fully grasped how differently I look at things after this past summer and it's experiences.

I guess I could identify what I'm experiencing as apathy. However, it is not complete apathy...just apathy toward certian aspects of life that seem much less meaningful to me now than they used to. I'm sleeping as late as possible every day which is usually a sign that I lack motivation. Hopefully this will change. I do like San Marcos/Austin still...I just miss L.A...being on project, doing things that seemed very meaningful, constant fellowship and such.

I'm lucky to have great fellowship here...I'm just not around it 24/7 like I was in L.A. No constant sources of advice, encouragement and laughs because I am spending considerable time in class and at work. Work has been a struggle mainly because I am dealing with all of the class issues that I dealt with on project (albiet in a more healthy way than before)...working at a really nice and extremely busy Austin hot spot in a very wealthy part of town. I struggle to see the significance of what I'm doing here 30 hours a week even if it is going to be paying the bills for me. I would rather spend that 30 hours down at the convention center helping the hurricane refugees there but my responsibilities to do what I believe God wants me to do (finish school) mean I have to make money in order to pay for my living expenses (and $3 per gallon gas). I'm hopeful that I will be able to begin to love my situation more...It would mean a much more content existence, among other things.

Until then, I need to at least write about what I'm thinking and feeling, something I've failed to do for a while.

I once heard a speaker give some great advice...he said we should seek to do the things that increase our affection for God, and as a result our desire and capacity to grow in our spiritual lives. An obvious example for me is going for a drive...few things help me relax and put my mind in a perspective that allows me to contemplate without distractions more than driving. So I took the long way into Austin earlier this afternoon down Ranch Road 12 and U.S. 290. It's a drive that I love but I haven't been able to take it since I returned to the state. It's still as beautiful as I remember. I need to encourage myself to do this more often...gas is expensive but it's not limited to driving. Simply hanging out with a friend, even if it gets in the way of a responsibility...can be a very worthwile thing.

- Jordan

Texas (A.K.A. Sweet Mother of Mercy it's Hot Here)

2005-08-24T18:12:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in a while. I spent the last three weeks in a chaotic and highly experiential state. I have decided to stop writing about the summer...in a chronological fashion and instead reach into my very full memory bank and write about the experiences that most directly come to mind. This I plan to intersperce with personal current events and the things that I am learning and experiencing since I returned to the Austin/San Marcos area...the quantity of such experiences is great and my life has not stopped moving since I returned.

A quick synopsis:

I left L.A., with a very heavy heart. I didn't want to leave yet I was looking foward to my return to Central Texas and the experiences that were ahead. I made very good friendships on the project. I feel in love with the city of Los Angeles in spite of all of the obvious negitives about the place. You see, there are such awesome positives that lie beneath the crusty and angry surface of the city of 4 million (16 million metro) that you can only really discover by living there. I miss the noises, the masses of people, the freeways, the skyline towering above neighboring houses, the palm trees, and of course the much more plesant temperatures.

Nine days after my return, the end of a long drive that gave me many much needed hours to reflect on my experiences in solitude, I have pretty much adjusted to my surroundings. I drove by myself from Phoenix to San Marcos on Monday and spent the next couple of days taking care of the things necessary for living and attending another year (probably my last) at Texas State University. I was also a leader at Paws Preview, the massive freshman orientation at Texas State. I am greatful for this experience. It allowed me to quickly readjust to the campus surroudings...which are the antithesis of what you find in Inner City L.A. I also had the sense that I was doing something meaningful and impactful...the lack of this feeling is common to people coming off of experiences like the one I had this summer.

So I'm here and I'm about to start my fourth day of work since I returned. Class started today. I'm living in San Marcos within walking distance of campus...a pretty good turn of events because I learned this summer that I shouldn't undervalue community. I am in the midst of a really good community there and I'm looking foward to the coming year.

South Cental Day One

2005-07-27T02:40:00.000-05:00

I realized beforehand that the fifth week on our ministry schedule would be the most challenging. What I did not realize was the value that challenge would begin to have in my life as the week begun. We went to Victory Outreach knowing to expect interesting things. Victory is a group of churches and rehabilitation centers found in inner city areas. They have a particularly strong presence in Los Angeles. Many of the staff people there are former drug addicts and gang members. Now, after a universally amazing transformation in Christ, they work at Victory trying to reach those who are still trapped in the gang and drug saturated lifestyle that ruins so many lives in L.A.
Attending church at Victory on Sunday was a surreal experience. The people there were passionate and very spiritual. They sang, they lifted their hands, they prayed with fervor. Several of the staff came over to where my team was sitting to encourage us. Our plan was to spend the next five days helping them wherever they needed it. Including hitting the streets to minister and talk to gang bangers, drug addicts, and the occasional pimp or prostitute.
Our first day began at noon but felt like a full day. Jacklyn and I rushed to an Italian Deli near Glendale to get some stuff for the Monday night coffee house and got back just in time to load everyone in the car and drive to South Central. After getting to meet Derek, Boyce, Peggy and others we almost immediately hit the streets. We followed the staff, almost all of whom had grown up around South Central and knew everything one could know about the area, passed out flyers, witnessed to gang members, walked though the Avalon Gardens project and talked to people as they were smoking out, and even approached a prostitute and her pimp on the street just a couple of blocks from the church. I felt more boldness and less timidity than in the past, but I still let them do the talking. They kept a joyful atmosphere and a sense of humor but a sense of urgency was behind them as well. After returning to the church Derek shared with us from the word. He is very insightful and can see right though people as we all found out.
Coffee house went pretty well. Beforehand Jason, Mike and I pranked the girls house in retaliation for their latest prank (sugar in all of our beds, butter on the doorknobs, and lots of perfume wafting though the air). The prank involved a lot of beans everywhere, and some strategically placed raw fish that Jason found at Ralph’s (local grocery store chain). As of today the fish have been found, but not before the smell was very noticeable.

Skid Row Outreach

2005-07-21T19:25:00.001-05:00

07/16

Today was both wonderful and terrible. A day of contrasts, and emotional highs and lows.
I woke at 9:30, not long before we had to meet for an outreach that I was not really looking forward too. The plan, put forth by the new outreach coordinators Sarah and Ryan was to go to Skid Row and minister to the many homeless there. My headache from the previous night was mostly gone but I was not in the best mood regardless. I showered, cleaned up the absolute mess in the kitchen from everyone making their lunches, and went over to the girl’s house for the meeting before we were to leave. I decided that I was not going to fight the fact that I needed to go even if it was going to be uncomfortable…not that I’m scared of skid row itself, but it’s a daunting task in my case because of my pervasive issues with taking initiative in ministry.
We walked to the Dash stop on Figueroa and all 21 of us made it onto the first bus that pulled up. We caught the transfer bus at 7th which took us almost all the way to the Fashion District on the edge of skid row. By now, the fact of living on the edge of downtown Los Angeles has become normal to me so I didn’t marvel at how little time the trip took as I have in the past. We began to walk down 7th toward the heart of skid row, which is intersected by San Julian and San Pedro streets.
Two to three girls were placed in groups with one guy. Jeannine and Christal were in mine. I was happy to have Christal along; she is very outgoing with people she has never met, especially the homeless. I am almost the polar opposite of that…a fact I admitted to her as we approached the downtrodden area which the workers at the L.A. Mission prefer to call “Hope Central”. She prayed for us, and for me, and I was very encouraged. I decided to just put aside my worries and concerns and just see what would happen. We walked down San Julian, the heart of Skid Row…we talked to a couple of people, but not for long, we prayed for one man. We rounded the corner at 5th in front of the L.A. Mission…a lady was sitting on the corner in a wheelchair…well, that was her gender as far as I could tell. She looked very ill…and responded affirmatively when Christial asked if she needed prayer (I had spent the past few minutes fighting my reservations while Christal took the majority of initiative in approaching people. Her name was Coco…she still wore bracelets that betrayed a recent hospital stay. She was very sick with AIDS…she cried as Christal prayed for her, I watched because for safety reasons one person had to keep their eyes open during prayer…I also watched because I struggled to comprehend what she was experiencing, and could not. My inability to be empathetic was frustrating, and left me wondering how to respond.

Leaving Coco behind we crossed over into San Julian park. A lot sized green oasis in the midst of urine stained concrete hell. There we met one lady, and then a twenty year old Hispanic man named Cortez who lives in the Valley but was there with a friend. He got out of jail on Thursday and needs a job. He was also very receptive to our prayers.
Time began to pass more quickly…we met a man on the sidewalk who very openly admitted his struggle with his narcotics addiction. He desperately wanted to believe in the Gospel, but couldn’t see that God could overpower his addiction. While we were talking to him I was approached by this older man named Robert and he began to talk to me…for the next two hours. It wasn’t tedious however, I knew that he needed someone to talk to and he talked about everything from movies, things to see in L.A., Texas and his odd theories about the connection between the government and the church. I never really got through to him about that much but I was able to be someone to talk to. I was really tired after the two hours though. He followed the three of us everywhere (not uninvited). We ended up at the church...I talked to Robert and the girls prayed with people as we met them.
I had a bad headache and was growing irritable when we were at the church talking about the day. Everyone had stories, crazy things they had seen. While working at the prayer table a couple of the students watched a drug deal happen a few feet away, and then a man shoot up with heroin minutes later, on the street in broad daylight.
On our way back my headache worsened, the bus wouldn’t come, I was very impatient. It had been a tough day emotionally and spiritually. I was happy to return to the house, I knew that I was not being the most agreeable person. This project has brought out the best and worst in everyone. We can’t hide anything when we’re living this close and spending this much time together.

Short Post

2005-07-21T19:25:00.000-05:00

07/14
We got a late start, purposefully. First EV Free let us work a half day because we had accomplished so much in the first three and two of us have been pretty sick this week. The extra sleep was well appreciated by everyone in the group. We ate lunch on the porch and drove to the church.
We decided to shift roles…I took over registration and became a floater and timer…while Jessica took over the games. I was not too prideful to admit that it just wasn’t my place this week. It worked awesomely.

First EV Free

2005-07-21T19:22:00.000-05:00

I had, today, the most disparity of emotions and experiences so far this week. I was in a substantially better mood, not waking up to a parking ticket again helped that significantly. J.C. continued to feel sick so he took a leave of absence for the first half of the day as the rest of J-Town drove to the church. We had a great morning, laughing, talking and getting much accomplished. It was one of the best working days that I’ve had on project. J.C. was not feeling better when I called him after lunch but he wanted to join us anyway. The man has a great deal of fortitude. Jessica and I had just returned from going first to a 99 cent store, and then to Ralph’s to get everything that we could not find at the previous store for the afternoon. I returned with J.C. to the project site and things continued to go well until the kids arrived.
Now, perhaps one of my worst moments on project was happening. I was again in charge of the games…but because of the way the rules for today’s assigned game were written, I had a difficult time figuring out how to describe them to the kids. Now, I was surrounded by a dozen or so of the fourth and fifth graders looking expectantly…and I was forced to turn to their “family group” leader to take over because I just could not figure out how to communicate to them so that they could learn the game. Frustrating, it was very very frustrating. I don’t have problems communicating with kids; I learned that at the previous site. However, when it comes to teaching younger kids things, I just have a long way to figure that out. I fared even worse with the younger kids. I wanted to just bolt out of there…I know the kids didn’t notice, but I was embarrassed and felt like a failure because I, despite my intelligence and relative maturity, could not communicate simple ideas because of who knows what.
After a few long hours (really just 45 minutes) of that, it was time for the family groups to meet before the final rally for the day. I could not have been happier; However, I was still too disappointed in myself to really be involved. I know I need to trust God more to help me where I lack but I am having a difficult time with that right now. The other J-town guys were really encouraging which helped put things into perspective, but I still felt disappointed and apprehensive about my role in the project in general. Sometimes I catch myself almost believing that the only contribution I can make to the project is driving people around, running errands and giving people directions. I know, I really really know that is not the case, but still I catch myself believing that. I struggle just like others struggle, but when I am not trusting God, when I am trusting in myself as I have today, those struggles seem to become magnified.
The day was definitely not a total loss. I rebounded quickly from the afternoon. I really bonded with my team mates…especially Jacklyn, which was definitely cool, she is one of the most genuine girls that I have ever met and I’m definitely glad she is on my team. Jen, Jessica and J.C. are all solid too…I have been blessed with an amazing team.
Dinner was excellent. Pastor Faye made good on her orientation week promise to come over and feed us “soul food”…barbeque chicken, some awesome cheesy mac stuff, and cornbread. Good times…I really dug into the cheesy mac. Following dinner we went on the long awaited trip to the now project famed glow in the dark miniature golf place near Marina Del Rey. The place was an absolute blast, the only issue was my frustration when we were trying to determine who was going and in which car…other case of the drivers having to basically parent other members of the project. I need to learn not to take it so personally though. I rode with three J-town people and Mike…I was temporarily frustrated with Mike for being spacey when we were leaving but quickly snapped out of it on the drive there, he and I get along extremely well so it is hard to stay mad at someone like him for anything. We in particular had a good time at the golf place…the trip was actually our idea. Miniature golf is fun enough on its own, but this place had absolutely ridiculous decorative stuff on the inside, it was amazing, mushrooms and monkeys and stuff like that. I took a few dozen pictures and most of us (12 in all) spent most of our time between holes dancing to the very danceable music on the speakers. A few of us considered abandoning the game around the 15th hole to just focus on rocking out but we decided to finish. Mike was hilarious, he looked straight out of the seventies…there he found a hat that totally matched his tie dyed shirt, which he wore along with, I’m not kidding, women’s bell bottom jeans. It’s extremely ironic when he reminds people that he is really conservative politically. You’re probably just as likely to see George W. Bush do drugs in college…
Late night on the lawn, Mike and Jen borrowed a laptop and are currently watching Van Helsing in front of the house…not my kind of movie, but I joined them for a while to hang out and talk while starting up at the palm trees above us and admiring the eight or so visible stars…which, I have to point out, I now find myself referring to as a “lot” of stars…one month in L.A. has really changed my perspective on a lot of simple things like that…I wonder what another month will do but I’m excited at the possibilities.

Carne Asada = Good times

2005-07-20T01:30:00.000-05:00

Monday morning and we’re getting ready, I think, to go to our new ministry site at the First Evangelical Free Church. I’m excited, we’re going to be working with kids (again); however this church has a really solid ministry going in the Pico Union neighborhood. It’s a challenging neighborhood but the church seems to fit right into the community there. We attended a celebration service there on Sunday. They combined the English and Spanish speaking congregations for a united meeting because they had an amazing financial breakthrough earlier in the week. The service was nice, but long because they were translating everything. The benefits of a church celebration usually include good food, which we partook of next door in the pastor’s backyard: Delicious carne asada, frijoles mexicanos, rice and watermelon…good stuff. After a satisfying hour we drove back to the project house. The day went downhill from that point. Josiah was getting on my nerves, exponentially more than previously…I needed to get away from him but couldn’t because most of the guys were gone to the team captains meeting. I asked Mike to go to Ralph’s with me and Josiah kindly invited himself along. Jen came to though…I was thinking extremely negatively at this point, never a good thing. I survived the trip without blowing up at him. Dinner was a highly, the girls, mostly Lindsey (a pretty cool girl now that I have gotten to know her), made an amazing dinner out of mostly leftovers. The captains returned and J-town went to Starbucks (I need to vindicate myself against claims of hypocrisy here by stating that the Salvation Army gave us ten dollar gift cards there…and I don’t mind free stuff, since they’ve gotten the money already anyway) for a “short” meeting that turned into a really good hour long meeting where we got to talk about many issues and prayed for them as well.

Ups and Downs

2005-07-20T01:05:00.000-05:00

Evenings were less than perfect this week, by far. Tuesday was placid…David Jason and I went with Juan to his apartment for a stimulating Action Group discussion. I decided to go though Mere Christianity with Juan and made the decision to meet with him one on one at seven in the morning on Friday…which I naturally regretted later.
Wednesday, free night, well, theoretically it was. In honestly the first part of the night was hardly free. A certain level of drama had developed in the house centering on a single member of the project. While the other eight of us usually get along and are like minded and solid; this guy brings an unfortunate destabilizing element to the project. He wasn’t accepted by the staff, but transferred to the Los Angeles project when the Detroit project was canceled due to a lack of interest. He has been a serious point of conflict. He’s mentally unstable at times, very awkward, self-centered and often demanding…and shares a room with myself and Joseph. In short, he is very hard for me to love but I’m trying, everyone is trying. Everyone has catered to him at some point but that has never helped. Anyway, and incident (totally unprovoked) happened between him and Mike that ended up with both Max and Tom driving out to the house and the four of them having a discussion. It was decided that he is one step away from being sent home from the project. Mike, fortunately, was vindicated of any wrong doing. He handled himself extremely well considering that personally I would have had a hard time not reacting harshly myself.
We still tried to make a night of it though. Mike, Jen, Liz, David and at least one other girl went to Hollywood. I finally returned to Amoeba Records, one of the coolest music stores on the planet and one of the largest independent ones. I only bought one CD, which dropped my average per visit to 3.5 (this was my second trip there). We decided to drive over to Hollywood Blvd. and walk around…we should have just walked it was only three blocks away, a point I tried to make but didn’t get across. I dropped them off at a place where something important was happening with beautiful people out front and parked back around Sunset, close to where we originally parked. I met up with them at Hollywood and Vine and we walked all the way to the Chinese Theater and back. It was a good time but we were very pressed for it after the incident earlier in the evening. An LAPD helicopter was circling overhead when Mike, Jen and I got back to the car…but it left before any of us could figure out why it was there.
Thursday – A training that I really did not want to attend. I was exhausted and pretty irritable. I had a hard time paying attention. The speaker was interesting but it was hard to keep my interest. I was even more disconnected with the night’s corporate worship than I usually am. There were a flood of semi-pointless announcements and Jason got up to apologize because Monday night’s skit had apparently offended a couple of people (they had some validity but I thought it was a little over-reactive). On the ride back the most problematic girl on the project was in the back seat and within a few blocks of driving I was ready to blow up at her but I restrained myself (she may be going home in a few days because she is really unstable and causing a lot of problems on Mike’s team, I’m fortunate that she is not on my team). I guess the night seems really negative after all I just mentioned. It wasn’t all that bad; however, it marked a significant increase in my disgruntlement at certain aspects of the project. I was encouraged to see Mike talk to Josiah and take some serious iniative to patch things up…a huge step on his part, a step that I probably wouldn’t have had the heart to take. It’s amazing to see people change on this project right before my eyes. I was in the coffee shop on Union when they walked in. I couldn’t help but smile. I really think a lot of Mike…I told him that later on…I hadn’t appreciated him like I should have been. I had started to let negative thought and perceptions cloud my view of him. Those are gone now, and I can’t help but love the guy. I love how God enables me to get past all of my barriers that could easily keep me from loving people.
Friday – No incidents this night, thankfully. However I could have had a better time. The week had gotten to me so I was short tempered and irritable. Mike, Jessica, Josiah (a side-effect of Mike reconciling with him meant he had to come along, but I made sure Mike knew that I wasn’t upset for him inviting Josiah along…although I am still haven’t a tough time with him myself), Robbie and I went first to Downtown…and seeing everything interesting closed we drove out to Westwood and walked around the Beautiful U.C.L.A. campus. After going back to Westwood we were all tired and hungry but never ended up agreeing on a place to go (a brief point of conflict between Mike and I but I had learned my lesson the previous weekend so I relented and tried to fight my selfishness). We drove up to the house twenty minutes later, but finally decided to go look for a place to eat (after dropping off Josiah, which was not a premeditated action). The night ended without further incident, but I was definitely ready to take my fairly negative attitude to bed.

Straght Outta...

2005-07-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

Compton turned out to be our team’s destination for the rest of the week. We were assigned to work for the Salvation Army there. Captain Martin Ross directed us and he and his family are amazing people. A graduate of UC Berkley, he moved to Compton to pastor and help build the Salvation Army’s presence there. They do so much work; I was fully amazed at the spectrum of their involvement in that troubled community.
While not quite as bad as its reputation would suggest, Compton does have a disproportionate share of problems…particularly related to violent crime and gangs. I picked up the Los Angeles Times today to read that the city’s (Compton is a separate city from Los Angeles) murder rate had drastically increased in the past year. We were visited on Friday by two Los Angeles County Sheriff Officers who explained the city’s plight, so I was not at all surprised to read it in the times…A fascinating aspect of this project is learning so much about Los Angeles, from so many different angles. Most people would be afraid to visit the areas in which we will continue to work. That is a shame, there is so much that can be learned there. I was thrilled to hear an explanation of the L.A. riots from an African-American lady who was there when it happened, and from a completely different view than I have heard every other explanation (I will likely write about this at some point).
The kids were at once frustrating and lovable. Inner City kids face so many obstacles and have so much working against them…but they are still kids…Very different kids...kids who are forced into adult situations before they are even close to ready. One of their day camp activities was writing letters to solders. Most of those letters focused on the aspect of killing…advice on what guns and bullets to use, admonishments to kill as many of their enemies as possible. Very different than the content that you would likely see from similar letters written by their peers in Austin or Tucson. The mentality they are raised in is one of, essentially, guerrilla warfare…Gangs, guns and drugs. One kid, probably less than ten years old, asked a solider if they “use the same bullets as the bad people on the street”. It is not a hopeless situation for them, but many have to look really hard to find those traces of hope.
The Salvation Army attempts to orient them to find it. Sharing with them, doing all they can to reverse the affects that drugs, violent and severely broken homes have unleashed upon the youth there. On Thursday…I saw those signs of hope. We took the kids to a roller rink in Cerritos. The kids had fun; they didn’t have to worry about anything. They laughed; smiled, played…they were kids. All of the work, the painting, the boring hours in the fireworks stand, the five trips to Home Depot in three days, the difficult attempts at managing a couple dozen unruly kids who have little in the way of positive guidance in their lives…all of it was worth it when I saw those smiles, and saw hope.

Venice Beach

2005-07-20T00:57:00.000-05:00

6/27/05 -2

Our first day on our regular ministry schedule was a detour. The Los Angeles Mission double booked out teams and we didn’t have a site for the week, as of yet. We brainstormed and decided to go to Venice. I was concerned that this was going to be the same dry “beach reach” that I really just don’t get that excited about; however, Jen had a good idea. We threw together the idea for a board simply asking “Who do you think Jesus is?” To which people could respond with anything they wanted. It was a simple yet powerful way to get people thinking and pondering the truth. We raced to Wal-Mart (because most stores were already closed on Sunday night), got there four minutes before closing, and three minutes later we were in line with just about everything we needed.

I love Venice. I went there for the first time on Saturday and it was easily the highlight of my weekend, a sublime moment of peace before things got sticky. I was happy to go back. Many people I’ve found have an extremely narrow and negative conception of the typical member of the Venice crowd (some people on project have expressed it without realizing it). This is not unusual, particularly for suburban Christians. However, living in Austin placed me in the middle of a crowd that is very similar and certainly very “weird” but the standards of boring and normal people. I love them, even the weird ones. I love stoners, I love beach bums, I’m learning to love the homeless even though I really struggle with it, I love hippies and people with crazy ideas. I love people, simply, not all people, not yet, but I’m learning. I feel at home in Venice as much as I feel at home in Austin. Venice is to me what Santa Monica is to the suburban project members. It’s a place were I can go and relax and chill and think and be among interesting people in a fascinatingly beautiful and interesting setting.

We were back in Venice. We set up the table and despite the relative quietness of the boardwalk on a sleepy weekday, we got some good responses. We had a few good conversations, a few weird ones, admired the canvas of humanity around us, and got the chance to hand out free water to the same “bums” that I used to ollie five times while playing the Venice Beach level on Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 when I was a few years younger and dreaming of someday traveling to Southern California.

As we packed up our stuff into the van late in the afternoon we came to a consensus that the day was certainly not a waste. We realized that we are a special group, very unified and very focused. While I had an “ideal” group in mind before the teams were selected, I am coming to realize that the truly ideal team is the one that I have been placed on. I could sense that the team shared my love for the people at Venice, and shared my desire to grow and become capable of showing even more love to those we encounter.

Returning to the house, the van inched along the 405 and then inched slightly faster on the 10. Johndon informed us that he had landed us a permanent ministry site for the remainder of the week. We will be working at the Salvation Army in Compton. This was welcome news. We had a good day but trying to improvise projects for the entire week would have been difficult. Following burritos at dinner, we drove over to the First EV Free church (a future site for our team) for our first “coffee house”…which was fun but enjoyable. The guys all put on a skit that was a funny satire of our visit to Judson Baptist the weekend previous. After returning to the house I talked to Juan and found out that I’m still short on support. Checks that I am expecting have still not arrived. It’s just something I’ll have to take care of. I was pretty mad but kept things under control and I’m not worried about it now.

The Begining of a Marathon

2005-07-19T01:01:00.000-05:00

6/27/05

After what was easily the longest day on the project, I worked to repair any bridges that I had damaged. My progressively (regressive) negative attitude on Saturday made me a very undesirable person to be around. Mike admitted to me that he didn’t want to hang out with me if that was going to continue to be the case. I was somewhat depressed by this but it made me realize (something that I was beginning to be aware of) is the cause of conflict and frustration in my case is usually internal and something that I have to deal with myself. I was ready (and had already been) to start pointing fingers and blaming everyone else on the project (including Mike, unjustifiably so) for me feeling slighted and not respected. Perhaps the problem has not been others, but my own pride…and arrogance…which was a label I was starting to attach to others in my mind. God I suck still in a lot of areas and as much as I want to be a likeable person (and I believe that I generally am) I still have some areas to strive for…of course I am not seeking for the praises of men…well, I am, but that should not be my goal. My goal should be working for the glory of the God and Savior that has completely and comprehensively transformed my life. But I often feel unmotivated and lazy spiritually…I often feel dead and lifeless. I won’t get into the details of Saturday (driving around L.A. with Mike, Crystal, and until I needed to take her home because she was feeling really bad, Jacklyn) and the Staff Hunt debacle. I will just admit that my attitude was a rapid downward spiral. Mike doesn’t really know me, the rest of the guys don’t know me yet either, what am I to expect them to think of me if I act so childish. Even if I can find and pick out flaws in them, that does not validate my behavior. Sunday ended a very intense and comprehensive orientation week. Now we were on our way to our respective ministry sites.

Riding in the Big Bus

2005-07-18T13:02:00.000-05:00

The bus pulled up at eleven, a tour bus. The staff team chartered it to take us around Central Los Angeles to the various ministry sites. I felt awkward, as did many people on the team, as we rolled into East L.A. in such a magnificent vehicle, as if by our overall whiteness we did not stand out enough. Lunch was served at the first street market: enchiladas, rice, beans, chips and salsa…the usual fare. We were welcomed and entertained by a two man musical group and a host…who spoke mostly in Spanish but engaged us nonetheless. I was able to decipher a good deal of what he was saying; however, I did not have the confidence to respond.
Our next stop was across downtown at the First Evangelical Free Church in the Pico/Union neighborhood. Scott, who works at the church, gave us a tour of the neighborhood. I again felt very conspicuous as twenty-eight students and a half dozen or so staff plugged down the narrow sidewalks of the mostly Latino immigrant neighborhood. Scott told stories that were fascinating. He mentioned that the zip code that we were standing in (which happens to be the same one we live in) has the densest population of any American zip code outside of New York City. It is hard to guess that from its appearance. The reason is many immigrants crowd into what in most places are considered single family homes. Large families share a single room so that they can afford L.A.’s high rent. Many are just trying to get on their feet in a new land and a majority of them came to the States from Central America, not Mexico as most would assume. Scott mentioned many of the things I learned in my Geography classes…people in the neighborhood pay more for basic goods than their suburban contemporaries…despite having far less disposable income. Many illegal immigrants work at or below minimum wage (an injustice that employers can get away with because if they report it to the Government then their illegal status will be found out). Scott took us around the back of a building to see one of the most famous murals in Los Angeles. The city is covered in amazing murals. This one featured depictions, mostly from a catholic point of view, of the life, death and resurrection of Christ. It was painted about fifteen years ago as a symbol of hope to a neighborhood dying amid the stench of escalating gang warfare. Written across the top of the mural are the names of victims of gang violence from that time.
The first name along the top of the mural was “Nite-Owl”. This, Scott said, was
the brother of a man he befriended named Hector. When Hector was a teenager he heard gunshots and ran out of the house to see his brother dead from those shots.

The bus then took us back downtown. We toured the Los Angeles Mission, a fantastic facility serving the homeless in the heart of Skid Row, a concentration of homeless that is the largest such population in the United States. We walked down the street to the S.A.Y. Yes center, which serves the forgotten homeless children in the area. The bus later took us away from downtown to the Here’s Life Inner City office, ending with a surreal meal and blessing from the leadership at Hope Community Temple in South Central.

After returning to the house I felt like going to sleep but thought better of it and decided to escort five of the awesome girls on the project to a nearby coffee shop. I was able to call and talk to Roommate Mike about at least a small fraction of what I’ve experienced in the past week. I talked to Crystal for a long time after we got back. We had a great conversation and I burned the first MewithoutYou album and gave it to her (she likes them as well but only has the new one) I also loaned her Blue Like Jazz. Now, I am ready to crash because Michael, Crystal, Jacklyn and I are going to make the most of a very important free day tomorrow.

Touring in the Big Bus

2005-07-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

Day 3: Intercultural Oneness and Stuff

2005-07-18T12:56:00.000-05:00

6/18/05

Sunday was “intercultural oneness day on the project. The entire group attended a predominantly African American Church in Carson (near Long Beach). This was my first experience in that type of gathering. I had my share of pre-conceived notions concerning African-American churches. We were told by a couple of the staff to disperse ourselves around the building so Mike and I sat away from most of the group, who happened to end up all in the same area. We were warmly greeted…any ideas I had that we would be looked upon as outsiders (being a mostly white group, with a couple blacks and a few Asians) vanished as I entered.
It was fathers’ day, so a couple of ladies in the entrance were pinning roses on the jackets of all the fathers (the standard of dress was definitely nice, I felt underdressed in just a blue shirt, tie and slacks. All of the guys in our group got roses as well despite our lack of fatherhood; however, it served as a reminder to call my dad later in the day (which I did). The service began with singing, gospel style of course. The music was very soulful and the congregation was engaged in a very spiritual way. I particularly appreciated the drummer’s style and his creative fills.
The service was long, the sermon even longer. The pastor preached with authority and everyone was attentive. A large part of his sermon focused on physical wellness, a reflection of the social responsibility felt within the church.
Lunch at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles in Long Beach included what you would expect, which is, what most people would not expect. Chicken and waffles on the same plate. Though I’m not a traditionalist, at least going by the traditional definition, I opted for just the chicken, in burger form. It was good stuff and since the project was paying I didn’t mind the price, whatever it was.
We loaded into the vans and drove back up the 110 to the house. A two hour long discussion on the events of the day, the previous night’s movie, and race relations in general ensued shortly after our arrival. It was an interesting discussion, probably the most involved that I have been in one, but it ended rather harmoniously despite the controversial nature of the subjects discussed in our relatively diverse group.

Day 2: Watts

2005-07-17T15:01:00.000-05:00

I was apprehensive upon waking for my second full day on project. An “outreach” was planned in the South Central Los Angeles neighborhood known as Watts, one of the toughest and most feared areas in L.A.
We left for Watts in the vans. I was unsure of what to expect, all I knew was the notorious nature of the neighborhood. I was a little apprehensive, but far from scared. I had a strange peaceful sensation about the day ahead. A group known as Athletes In Action was putting on a sports camp for kinds in the troubled Nickerson Gardens housing project. We arrived at the neighborhood to the sight of a typical inner city scene with looks of discontent, or determination, on the faces people who glanced our way. We unpacked the vans after parking at the humble (but not hopeless) looking projects. I moved around to different areas, trying to find things to do. The Athletes in Action arrived a little later than expected so things started slowly.
The children, and some adults, mostly African-American with the occasional member of a Hispanic group, began to trickle into the modest park that stands in the middle of the project. The children appear innocent enough when you observe them, just like other kids. Only by talking to them would you learn the difficulties that the neighborhood presents them.
After a slow hour passed a few project members and I were sent around the immediate neighborhood to tell people about the gathering in the park. We were warned however, to avoid the surrounding streets. In my naivety I wondered how bad they could actually be. Walking by the playground, the three girls accompanying my reluctant steps found a little Latina girl, who couldn’t have been older than three or four, who had lost herself in the playground. They were determined to take her back home so I followed. Her home was within sight of the park so I was not overly concerned. The four of us had an interesting conversation with her father, a Hispanic man, probably around 30 years of age.
He told us stories of the neighborhood, warning us that we shouldn’t be there. We were “good people” after all. Of course his concern was valid. He had been shot at the previous night. He watched a man get mugged out in the street; a few days before, a couple of likely gang members had fired at an L.A.P.D. officer as he drove by. He showed us stab wounds on his face that evidenced his troubles. The “eggheads”, he said, were out to get him. “They haven’t messed with you yet?” he asked with amazement, “they always mess with me man”. Such a fear and hatred exists in L.A. between Hispanics and Blacks for reasons which I will explain later. After twenty minutes of fascinating and mildly disturbing conversation with him, we departed and returned to the psychological safety of the park area where the camp was now in full effect and friendly faces marked the landscape.
I found my place with the kids. Mike and I began a sandlot soccer game with the more outgoing ones. My favorite was a sharp 10 year old named James. He has so much potential that is going to be difficult to realize in his surroundings. Another very lovable kid wanted a scorpion on his face at the face painting table…it turns out that is the name of the gang that both his dad and his uncle are involved in. Gang culture permeates Watts, and the kids there are exposed to it at an early age. They are children forced to play adults in a challenging world. The neighborhood seeks to rob them of their childhood and the innocence that is supposed to accompany it.
A few tiring hours later they broke down the camp. Mike, Ryan and I said goodbye to the kids that we had befriended and attempted to show genuine love to. As we left, a marching band was preparing to enter the park gym as a part of a banquet. It was fascinating to see how hard some in the neighborhood were trying to salvage what little they could in their broken community. I left deep in thought. The day had affected me; however, the affect was a positive one. I left happy that I was able to, for a few short hours; spend time with these kids who are caught in the crossfire of a situation that leaves them with great disadvantages.

We returned to the project house for the usual 6 o’clock dinner. The staff had purchased tickets for all who wanted to go see the movie Crash. It is a film that is extremely important. It takes the complex problems of race relations in Los Angeles and somehow condenses it in a remarkably comprehensive fashion into a two hour film. Essentially, the film moves past actions and acts out what many feel and think about the other cultures and ethnicities around them. An amazing film that I definitely recommend…I will write a more thorough review at a later time.

Day 1: An Evening in Santa Monica

2005-07-17T14:56:00.000-05:00

6/17/05

After the long day my friend Mike and I still wanted to see more of the city (he had never been and in two trips I still had much to see). Both of us decided to take. We drove off toward Santa Monica.

The day was long; however, Mike and I were restless and eager to see more of the city. A couple of girls came along and we took my car out to Santa Monica. It is a beautiful and quaint enclave in the massive urban area. I resigned myself to parking several blocks from the beach (I hate paying for parking) and we walked toward the pier. The twilight view that greeted us at Ocean Avenue was unreal in its beauty the buildings, homes, and the fairy tail-like mini amusement park out on the pier combined to create a setting that could only be rendered by a master artist.

We conversed along the shore, but often the words were interrupted by silent stares and moments taken to ponder the wonder before us. At least that is how I felt, Mike too probably, the girls, Erin and…unfortunately I’m bad with their names…spent most of their time on the phone but that was up to them. We turned to walk out onto the pier. I felt a sense of wonder as I gazed up the shoreline to where the Ocean took a great turn to the west and a distant member of the Santa Monica Mountains hid the sun as it raced away from the California Coast.

A cool darkness had wrapped around the pier. We walked back toward the city, leaving the pier behind. We walked though the Promenade. Saw a couple of shops (there isn’t anything there that I can’t see in Austin so I wasn’t overly thrilled). An oddly placed belly dancer performed in front of Urban Outfitters where Mike found an amazing retro-esque pink and green shirt while the girls joined millions others by supporting Starbucks’ pervasive corporate domination of the legal addictive stimulant market.

We reached the car and took off down Santa Monica Boulevard, which, of course, meant that I had to fight a certain annoying but catchy hit mid-90’s song from getting stuck in my head while making lame comments related to it. After what had to be 30 traffic lights we reached the heart of Hollywood. I found my way onto Sunset using the 101 (getting on and off Los Angeles Freeways is unreasonably complicated, every ramp is different) in search of an In N Out Burger. We found it. Mike got a combo, I got a shake and fries, and the girls missed out by getting nothing. I love In N Out…great food but not expensive, and additionally they are a family owned non-franchise company that donates generally to charities and missions in the L.A. area. Well satisfied we drove back home down the 101 though heavy traffic and the clock approached midnight (something I’m learning not to be surprised about is midnight traffic jams)…ending one of the most eventful, fascinating and fun days of my life.

Day 1: The Urban Hike

2005-07-17T14:53:00.000-05:00

The drive to Los Angeles from Austin was interesting enough, but nothing to speak of compared to my experences in my first week of the city. The project staff took us on a six hour walk around downtown L.A:

In six hours of walking I learned more and experienced more than my often vibrant imagination could have anticipated.

How could I have known the incredible quantity of amazing and fascinating things, persons, ideas, streets and hallmarks of humanity (for better or worse) that lies in an area bounded by blue lines on a map, numbered 5,10 and 110.

My excursion, which began with an attitude of curiosity that would soon turn to sheer wonder, began with 6 other project members near the heart of L.A. “June Gloom” would cover the city with a thick deck of cooling grey clouds for a few hours yet. First crossing Cesar Chavez Ave. which gave a brief glimpse of home in Austin where that name also adorns the signs along a major street.

We walked past Union Station. I had been there before on my previous visit to the City of Angels…which found me hurrying across though it’s surprisingly ornate and expansive halls, attempting to make a connection to another Metrolink train that would take me to Anaheim. I was not alone this time, a concept that brought me the little comfort that I needed to relax. We entered the oldest part of the city…a center of Hispanic culture for a larger one. With my mouth absorbing a delicious churro (Strawberry, amazing) my brain worked to soak up as much sense experience as was seemingly possible. Leaving the market, we traveled toward Chinatown. This was my first visit to downtown itself, let alone Chinatown. The name of Cesar Chavez, now written in Chinese in small beautiful symbols below the more recognizable spelling, was a subtle comment that I had walked from the metropolitan center of one culture into one that was vastly different. The shift Chinatown was a stunning visual explanation of the intense blend of cultures that is so recognizable in Los Angeles. I found it amazing that I could purchase live poultry, buy Chinese music, drink a tapioca bubble tea smoothie and smell the possibly misguided, but beautifully scented incense pouring from the doorway of a Buddhist Temple in the middle of a city more commonly associated with palm trees and lifeless names of famous people carved in golden star shapes that permeate a sidewalk.

We circled Chinatown and reentered America as most people perceive it. Government Buildings and landmarks, painfully bland by comparison, were simply concrete monoliths to be passed while important people made important decisions while trapped inside them. After a brief stop for some much needed lunch, we passed Little Tokyo. Much less colorful than Chinatown, however still a cultural center in itself. I stared at the most beautiful view of the towering skyline I could conceive. The buildings shot out of the ground accompanied by brilliantly placed trees that had been planted to supplement the view. In a few blocks that capture the sharp disparity of wealth found in Los Angeles, we descended into Skid Row. Here, the undesirable inhabitants of Downtown have been corralled for who knows what purpose. Perhaps cleaning house was the goal, you know, the kind of hurrying cleaning done before guests arrive that involves throwing objects into spare bedrooms, or better yet, dark closets. Maybe the city has rounded them up to simply disappear; a purposefully ignorant conscience has far less work to do than a conscious one. Whatever the reason, there they were on display. However, in the darkness of Skid Row; amid the vagrants and beggars, the anguished and hauntingly rhythmic cries of a man desperate for a fix and the hopeless stares along the crowded sidewalk were the shining beacons of light in the forms of large missions in the heart of the castaway neighborhood. Missions where caring people work to bring whatever measure of hope that they can to the people placed there in a slow forced migration away from the tall shiny buildings above the fray.
We left Skid Row and began to ascend into the Wholesale District, a mesmerizing display of disorganized wholesale outlets spread over many blocks. I walked deep in thought, pondering the eye opening scene on Skid Row. My mind still returns there…sometimes again hearing the cries of that man that was deprived of the one thing he believed he desperately needed. I was left pondering my role in existence, my place in this superficial society. I passed more unusual and fairly unsightly wholesale stores than I could have imagined existing. The district seemed like a giant sprawling pawn shop. A couple of locals walked along side us and made a friendly conversation as I walked and pondered the circus of human misery that seemed to have followed me, although when I looked it was out of sight, but it still felt close. Toward the top of the hill we entered a market where the sight of food from many obscure parts of the world temporarily interrupted the intensity of my thought process.
The sun returned, mirroring the clearing of my cloudy mental state as we climbed toward the heart of Downtown. The shining steel towers at the top of the here were a brilliant contrast to the mess we left a few blocks back. The walls of the Biltmore hotel, were the first ever Academy Awards were given to the talent of the Big Screen, seemed to make an argument that no economic disparity exists in Los Angeles, but failed miserably. The view from the building’s zenith disguised the humanity that exists along the nearby streets, distracting us and focusing our attention on the other monuments of capitalism and the majestic mountains beyond them.
Leaving the foreign environment of the hotel we marched down the other side of the hill, away from the towers, and though Pershing Square. There on a wall behind a fountain was inscribed a poem...The final stanza said:

…It suddenly occurred to me that there would never be another place like this city of Angels. Here the American people were erupting, like lava from a volcano; here, indeed, was a place for me a ringside seat at a circus.”

Los Angeles/The End of the Blogging Hiatus

2005-07-17T14:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't had access to the internet on my computer until now but this past month in Los Angeles has given me so much to write about. For those of you keeping score at home I am living in Los Angeles on a Here's Life Inner City (Campus Crusade) summer project here that is working with various churches, ministries and missions in Inner City Los Angeles. This past month as easily been the most interesting of my life. I am going to be copying over most of the stuff from my personal journal so there is going to be a lot to read...read as much as you want and keep me in your prayers as you do.

The house we are living in is located near where the 10 and 110 freeways meet, 5 blocks away from the Staples Center...about two miles from the heart of downtown L.A. in a really cool neighborhood where the downtown skyline towers in the background.

- Jordan

Randomness

2005-06-05T12:33:00.000-05:00

My non-regional diction is preparing me for the world of Journalism

Your Linguistic Profile:

80% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

This is accurate as well:

Your Travel Profile:

You Are Very Well Traveled in the Western United States (79%)

You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Southern United States (31%)

You Are Mostly Untraveled in Canada (20%)

You Are Untraveled in Africa (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Asia (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Australia (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Eastern Europe (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Latin America (0%)

You Are Untraveled in New Zealand (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Scandinavia (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Southern Europe (0%)

You Are Untraveled in Western Europe (0%)

You Are Untraveled in the Middle East (0%)

You Are Untraveled in the Midwestern United States (0%)

You Are Untraveled in the Northeastern United States (0%)

You Are Untraveled in the United Kingdom (0%)

How Well Traveled Are You?

Open Letter to the World from an American University Student

2005-05-31T22:54:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the props Dan.

I'm going to take this off at least temporarly for a few random reasons. It may be reposted...or at least I will discuss what I was getting at more directly.

How Do You Make God Laugh?

2005-05-30T22:30:00.000-05:00

I've reached a point where I just don't know what to do with myself, or what to think about anything in the near or remote future. I need help sorting things out...it seems impossible.

I'm anxiously anticipating going to Los Angeles in two weeks...but there is so much that has to be done before I leave. It's overwhelming. I don't seem like my usual relativley strong, sure and confident self...that's because I'm not.

See you soon,

- Jordan

Your Tax Dollars at Work

2005-05-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday I had the day off so I called up my friend Sean and he and my roommate Mike, and myself went downtown to just check stuff out. We parked, looked at the really amazing new City Hall...and then walked semi-aimlessly though downtown to the State Capitol. Of course, it's an attractive building, so we walked inside.

We met a couple of lobbysts in the elevator...there were lobbyists, people in suits on cellphones each with a representing a private interest, everywhere. After taking the elevator up to the fourth floor of the rotunda we ran into another lobbyist who asked us if we wanted to see a bunch of lobbyists waiting like wolves outside the door of the legislature, of course we obliged and he led us there and there they were. Then the fact struck me that we could actually go in and watch our Government in action...so we did. It was the last day of the session so things were pretty animated. Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs), who represents Texas State University (and does so very well, I would have voted for him if I lived in his district) was trying to push an admendment that would help students...however he withdrew it, apparently to iron some things out. The rest of what we saw was somewhat comical. One representative proposed an amendment to give college credit for a certian pre-College program that is used in several states and has the support of the Bush Adminstration. He was immediately assailed by a seemingly very conservative rep, who probably would have wrapped himself in an American flag if it fit the dress code, who attacked the program as being, basically, a socialist United Nations brainwashing tool of Satan. Ah the "L" card. His argument was soundly and forcefully dismissed allthough I didn't get to stick around to see what became of the program.

As we left another Rep proposed an amendment that would have the state reemburse the college tuition for any Freshman who earns a 3.0 in their first academic year.

Right...

I'm going to go buy a fleet of Lear Jets.

- Jordan

"She's My Rushmore, Max"

2005-05-24T02:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I watched the movie "Rushmore"...one of four films by my favorite filmmaker Wes Anderson. On the surface the film is a somewhat nonchalant comedy about a tenth grader named Max (played by Jason Schwartsman) who is both an overachevier and underachiever. Max is the head or founder of several clubs and a successful playwright at an elite and expensive prep school known as "Rushmore", a school where, even though he is the son of a barber, he attends because of a scholarship. He's smart, articulate, and definitely is a nerd, at least in appearance. However, he is also one of Rushmore's "worst students"...he spends so much time being active in the many activities that he enjoys that he doesn't take the time to study and consistently fails his classes (to the point of being threatened with expulsion). Max is later befriended by the father of two Rushmore students, (who happen to be a very disapointing and unlikible set of twins) Herman Blume (a self-made but melancholy millionare played by Bill Murray). Max proceeds to develop a crush on Mrs. Cross...a first grade teacher at Rushmore, a complicated enough situation before Blume begins to pursure her as well (setting up the main point of conflict for the first half of the film).

This post is not so much about the film however, as it is an examination of a crucial thought that enters the forefront of the picture. It's importiant to note that for Max, Rushmore was his life. His desire and goal was to spend the rest of his life as a student there...enjoying everything that the school offered (except of course, the strictly academic). At the mid point of the film, the definition of what "rushmore" is seems to take a dramatic turn in a broader and somewhat philosophical direction. Max and Herman are at the climax of their conflict over Mrs. Cross (whom Max finally begins to flirt with the acceptance of the reality of his slim chances of ever hooking up with) Murray's character mutters the defining line of the film: "She's My Rushmore Max"...to which Max (who at this point had been finally expelled from Rushmore for academic failure) promptly turns and replies (while walking away)..."She's mine too".

And just like that, through a very simple exchange...a rather profound, yet commonly experenced concept is introduced into the film, creating a conceptual tremor that alters the scope and meaning behind the story. "Rushmore" is more than a school to both Max and Herman...it represents a common affliction experenced thoughout mankind. A search for meaning, a defining experence, happiness, salvation, or desired identity that requires the attainment of a certian thing, or certian status. In my own life this exchange highlights many things that I have avidly pursued, thinking that finally I will have a true identity, a true level or satisfaction. Many others that I have known, in fact everyone I have known, has experenced the pursuit of a "rushmore"...which is always done though a dead end route (such as in wealth, power, a certian job, a certian title, a relashonship with the opposite sex...among other things).

Today I realized that the name Rushmore, coincidentally or not, is intended to invoke the image of this very concept. The name Rushmore in the minds of most Americans represents power, wealth, status, and the status of psuedo-divinity that has been given to the four faces that are carved out of a mountian in South Dakota. I don't think that the title of the film, the school, and the word's appearance in the film's defining line, is merely a random occurence. Anderson is chipping away at something that defines us in our imperfect humanity. We all have our rushmores, for better or for worse...I think, for worse, because the pursuit of these things never, as least as far as I can tell from my experences, and the experences of people I know, lead to true satisfaction. The film ends in a lighthearted way, but it ends with many of the characters seeming deeply disastisfied...in one way the protagonist has won out over the antagonist...but the underlying antagonist of the film...the rushmore concept...still has the upper hand.

This is something that I am thinking about a great deal right now. I hope to write more on it soon.

- Jordan

Blogs are Overrated

2005-05-18T18:22:00.000-05:00

It's true, blogs are overrated. That doesn't keep me from writing in mine, however "blog" is such a trendy media buzzword now that I'm thinking of just calling mine a "journal", or a "sphere of textualization invloving mental cognitations and permutations of scattered thought". On second thought, I'll just stick with journal.

The media worships those involved in the "blogosphere"...because they have a voice and can add to the collective fray of daily hot air concerning politics, social issues, or why they are pissed off at how so many people are obsessed with Paris Hilton. ABC News went so far as to declare "bloggers" as their person(s)/people of the Year. In light of that, I'm going to recreate what I notice the average blogger, a ninth grade student, does to contribute to the national discussion:

...

-----

Wed. May 04

Man school rocked today. I skipped class twice and went out with some friends to Taco C and got sum chips and kayso. i hate school it's boring and the teachers are all ghey. i think i'm going to skipp all of my classess until a graduate.

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fri. May 06

I HATE MY PARENTS I WISH THEY WOULD DIE!!!!11 I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS AND HAVE SOME BEER AND THEY WONT LET ME GO OUT BEAUSE IM GROUNDED!!! I CANT WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE AND BE IN COLLEGE AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!1

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Sun. May 08

Sometimes broken hearts are the most painful broken things of all.

i miss you kelli

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Mon. May 09

There's something about the sun that reminds me of being happy

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Mon May 09

i realli like this song by the USED.

You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time

(Chorus)
I guess it's okay I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask

I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time.
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

(Repeat Chorus)
Nicer than that (2x)

With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you (4x)

(repeat chorus)
Nicer than that

I guess it's okay I puked the day away. (Nicer than that)
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way.(Nicer then that)
And if you want me back,
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer!
Nicer!

man songs so good. exactly how i feel right now

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Thurs. May 12

i got a job 2day at teh pretzel store in the mall. i like pretzels and i hop e i get to Eat a lot of them when i work. Well, i'm out...later.

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Sun. May 15

I HATE PRETZELS

...Sorry to subject you to that, but that is, as far as I can tell, a close (yet fictional) example of the typical blog entry.

In Short: Why I'm Not Moving Back to San Marcos. A Reply to the Daily Rice.

2005-05-07T12:36:00.000-05:00

Moving to San Marcos means (most likely) paying more for rent and either driving 35 minutes to my current job (Which is a drag when I have to do it right after school) or getting a job in San Marcos where I'm all but guarenteed to make less...while having to pay rent in the most overpriced market in Central Texas (housing cost studies have shown this).

Then in the Spring, I will be getting an internship...and the last time I checked all of the media outlets in this area are in Austin. That will mean 2 out of 3 things.

I would personally much rather live WHERE I CAN work. I say this because San Marcos also has basically the worst job market of any city in Central Texas over 25,000 (the Austin American Stateman ran a full page story about this last year, you don't get the dirt on that town unless you read the Austin paper). Living in Austin made it much easier to get a job and when I have to go to work on the weekend (like today), I have to drive 15 minutes, instead of 35. Trying to get a job in San Marcos was excruciating, and frustrating, and any job I would have gotten would have been less likely to pay the bills.

It's essentially a choice between the occasional birthday party, and financial responsibility. Plus, if I'm working my hangout time is pretty limited already. If I'm working out of town that means work actually takes away more from the time when I can hang out. You guys wouldn't see me as much anyway because the cru system isin't tailored to people who have to work in the service industry...but that's okay life isin't fair and it can't be in this case.

But yea to close moving to San Marcos would be a bad decision for me to make for a number of reasons. Number one, likelyhood of being overly stressed trying to drive home from work at 2 AM on a school night....number two, much higher likelyhood of going broke. I've survived school so far with minimal debt (aside from student loans) and I want to keep it that way.

New longest comment award eh? Feel free to ask me about this anytime because I gather that most people don't understand my situation becuase there's is very different, and, in general, much more comfortable and I would even venture to say...easy. Within CRU at least...a lot of upperclassmen students in my program are in my situation...but they aren't in CRU. CRU is made of of a majority of people a nice safe little parentally supported bubble where college students can still be kids. I don't begrudge that at all but it's frustating sometimes when people assume that things are as easy for me.

To sum up the San Marcos situation. Outside of school and good friends, San Marcos has little to offer me. A vast majority of Texas State Broadcast Journalisim seniors live in Austin. I'm not an anomaly...I just am within CRU.

It is good to know that my presence is missed when I'm not around. That means alot. Like I've said though I feel I need to make more of an effort to structure my work schedule so I can go...but of course that requires knowing about things more than two weeks in advance...but I'm good at planning ahead so we'll see.

p.s. my birthday is January 7, and Mike's is January 10...I smell a big party for that one.*wink*

- Jordan

My response was made to this comment by the astute Mr. Rice:

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Jordan,
Boy oh boy. You have won the award for longest comment. Then, after winning the award, you proceeded to outdo yourself and re-win the award. That was awesome...
On a serious note... It seems like a hard position. I've been really lucky to not have to work this semester, a trend that is soon to end. Also, the whole Austin thing compounds the problem. I guess it ultimately comes down to the choice of driving to work or school... I'd choose drive to work, because friends are better than work anyday. Of course, it's probably not as simple as that. But is there any possibility you could move to Marcos?
I'm sure if you wanted to it would work out... things have a way of doing that you know.
And we do miss you at the surprise parties!