A Constant Work in Progress

It is natural to be afraid. I am a human being, hopelessly weak and incapable of perfect love or perfect anything. But, fear can be paralyzing, it often holds me back. But it shouldn't have any power over me. I really think the only thing I should be afraid is my willingness to let fear dictate what decisions I (don't) make. I don't want to be afraid anymore to tell people what I am feeling, or how much they mean to me. And I don't want to be afraid anymore to take any kind of risk. While some risks end in pain and/or disappointment, others are beautiful in their result. But if you are unwilling to risk everything you have for something greater than yourself or your selfish nature, then you can only gain nothing.

To love someone is always great risk. But to refuse to love, for fear of the risk involved, is always great tragedy. I've been telling myself that I shouldn't ever take that risk again, that I should never look for something meaningful in someone else ever again. That it's not worth it. This is a great example of how I am prone to lying to myself. When we let fear control us, we don't need obstacles or enemies. When we let fear control us, we are our own greatest obstacle and our own worst enemy. I've never fully admonished this in myself...because residing in fear and retraction is, while a sad and lonely existence, less "risky" or difficult than seeking a change to that restrictive fear-based mindset.

I hope that courage will find me soon.