The drive to Los Angeles from Austin was interesting enough, but nothing to speak of compared to my experences in my first week of the city. The project staff took us on a six hour walk around downtown L.A:
In six hours of walking I learned more and experienced more than my often vibrant imagination could have anticipated.
How could I have known the incredible quantity of amazing and fascinating things, persons, ideas, streets and hallmarks of humanity (for better or worse) that lies in an area bounded by blue lines on a map, numbered 5,10 and 110.
My excursion, which began with an attitude of curiosity that would soon turn to sheer wonder, began with 6 other project members near the heart of L.A. “June Gloom” would cover the city with a thick deck of cooling grey clouds for a few hours yet. First crossing Cesar Chavez Ave. which gave a brief glimpse of home in Austin where that name also adorns the signs along a major street.
We walked past Union Station. I had been there before on my previous visit to the City of Angels…which found me hurrying across though it’s surprisingly ornate and expansive halls, attempting to make a connection to another Metrolink train that would take me to Anaheim. I was not alone this time, a concept that brought me the little comfort that I needed to relax. We entered the oldest part of the city…a center of Hispanic culture for a larger one. With my mouth absorbing a delicious churro (Strawberry, amazing) my brain worked to soak up as much sense experience as was seemingly possible. Leaving the market, we traveled toward Chinatown. This was my first visit to downtown itself, let alone Chinatown. The name of Cesar Chavez, now written in Chinese in small beautiful symbols below the more recognizable spelling, was a subtle comment that I had walked from the metropolitan center of one culture into one that was vastly different. The shift Chinatown was a stunning visual explanation of the intense blend of cultures that is so recognizable in Los Angeles. I found it amazing that I could purchase live poultry, buy Chinese music, drink a tapioca bubble tea smoothie and smell the possibly misguided, but beautifully scented incense pouring from the doorway of a Buddhist Temple in the middle of a city more commonly associated with palm trees and lifeless names of famous people carved in golden star shapes that permeate a sidewalk.
We circled Chinatown and reentered America as most people perceive it. Government Buildings and landmarks, painfully bland by comparison, were simply concrete monoliths to be passed while important people made important decisions while trapped inside them. After a brief stop for some much needed lunch, we passed Little Tokyo. Much less colorful than Chinatown, however still a cultural center in itself. I stared at the most beautiful view of the towering skyline I could conceive. The buildings shot out of the ground accompanied by brilliantly placed trees that had been planted to supplement the view. In a few blocks that capture the sharp disparity of wealth found in Los Angeles, we descended into Skid Row. Here, the undesirable inhabitants of Downtown have been corralled for who knows what purpose. Perhaps cleaning house was the goal, you know, the kind of hurrying cleaning done before guests arrive that involves throwing objects into spare bedrooms, or better yet, dark closets. Maybe the city has rounded them up to simply disappear; a purposefully ignorant conscience has far less work to do than a conscious one. Whatever the reason, there they were on display. However, in the darkness of Skid Row; amid the vagrants and beggars, the anguished and hauntingly rhythmic cries of a man desperate for a fix and the hopeless stares along the crowded sidewalk were the shining beacons of light in the forms of large missions in the heart of the castaway neighborhood. Missions where caring people work to bring whatever measure of hope that they can to the people placed there in a slow forced migration away from the tall shiny buildings above the fray.
We left Skid Row and began to ascend into the Wholesale District, a mesmerizing display of disorganized wholesale outlets spread over many blocks. I walked deep in thought, pondering the eye opening scene on Skid Row. My mind still returns there…sometimes again hearing the cries of that man that was deprived of the one thing he believed he desperately needed. I was left pondering my role in existence, my place in this superficial society. I passed more unusual and fairly unsightly wholesale stores than I could have imagined existing. The district seemed like a giant sprawling pawn shop. A couple of locals walked along side us and made a friendly conversation as I walked and pondered the circus of human misery that seemed to have followed me, although when I looked it was out of sight, but it still felt close. Toward the top of the hill we entered a market where the sight of food from many obscure parts of the world temporarily interrupted the intensity of my thought process.
The sun returned, mirroring the clearing of my cloudy mental state as we climbed toward the heart of Downtown. The shining steel towers at the top of the here were a brilliant contrast to the mess we left a few blocks back. The walls of the Biltmore hotel, were the first ever Academy Awards were given to the talent of the Big Screen, seemed to make an argument that no economic disparity exists in Los Angeles, but failed miserably. The view from the building’s zenith disguised the humanity that exists along the nearby streets, distracting us and focusing our attention on the other monuments of capitalism and the majestic mountains beyond them.
Leaving the foreign environment of the hotel we marched down the other side of the hill, away from the towers, and though Pershing Square. There on a wall behind a fountain was inscribed a poem...The final stanza said:
…It suddenly occurred to me that there would never be another place like this city of Angels. Here the American people were erupting, like lava from a volcano; here, indeed, was a place for me a ringside seat at a circus.”
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Los Angeles/The End of the Blogging Hiatus
I haven't had access to the internet on my computer until now but this past month in Los Angeles has given me so much to write about. For those of you keeping score at home I am living in Los Angeles on a Here's Life Inner City (Campus Crusade) summer project here that is working with various churches, ministries and missions in Inner City Los Angeles. This past month as easily been the most interesting of my life. I am going to be copying over most of the stuff from my personal journal so there is going to be a lot to read...read as much as you want and keep me in your prayers as you do.
The house we are living in is located near where the 10 and 110 freeways meet, 5 blocks away from the Staples Center...about two miles from the heart of downtown L.A. in a really cool neighborhood where the downtown skyline towers in the background.
- Jordan
The house we are living in is located near where the 10 and 110 freeways meet, 5 blocks away from the Staples Center...about two miles from the heart of downtown L.A. in a really cool neighborhood where the downtown skyline towers in the background.
- Jordan
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Randomness
My non-regional diction is preparing me for the world of Journalism
This is accurate as well:
Your Linguistic Profile: |
80% General American English |
10% Dixie |
10% Yankee |
0% Midwestern |
0% Upper Midwestern |
This is accurate as well:
Your Travel Profile: |
You Are Very Well Traveled in the Western United States (79%) |
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Southern United States (31%) |
You Are Mostly Untraveled in Canada (20%) |
You Are Untraveled in Africa (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Asia (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Australia (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Eastern Europe (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Latin America (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in New Zealand (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Scandinavia (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Southern Europe (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in Western Europe (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in the Middle East (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in the Midwestern United States (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in the Northeastern United States (0%) |
You Are Untraveled in the United Kingdom (0%) |
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Open Letter to the World from an American University Student
Thanks for the props Dan.
I'm going to take this off at least temporarly for a few random reasons. It may be reposted...or at least I will discuss what I was getting at more directly.
I'm going to take this off at least temporarly for a few random reasons. It may be reposted...or at least I will discuss what I was getting at more directly.
Monday, May 30, 2005
How Do You Make God Laugh?
I've reached a point where I just don't know what to do with myself, or what to think about anything in the near or remote future. I need help sorting things out...it seems impossible.
I'm anxiously anticipating going to Los Angeles in two weeks...but there is so much that has to be done before I leave. It's overwhelming. I don't seem like my usual relativley strong, sure and confident self...that's because I'm not.
See you soon,
- Jordan
I'm anxiously anticipating going to Los Angeles in two weeks...but there is so much that has to be done before I leave. It's overwhelming. I don't seem like my usual relativley strong, sure and confident self...that's because I'm not.
See you soon,
- Jordan
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Your Tax Dollars at Work
On Tuesday I had the day off so I called up my friend Sean and he and my roommate Mike, and myself went downtown to just check stuff out. We parked, looked at the really amazing new City Hall...and then walked semi-aimlessly though downtown to the State Capitol. Of course, it's an attractive building, so we walked inside.
We met a couple of lobbysts in the elevator...there were lobbyists, people in suits on cellphones each with a representing a private interest, everywhere. After taking the elevator up to the fourth floor of the rotunda we ran into another lobbyist who asked us if we wanted to see a bunch of lobbyists waiting like wolves outside the door of the legislature, of course we obliged and he led us there and there they were. Then the fact struck me that we could actually go in and watch our Government in action...so we did. It was the last day of the session so things were pretty animated. Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs), who represents Texas State University (and does so very well, I would have voted for him if I lived in his district) was trying to push an admendment that would help students...however he withdrew it, apparently to iron some things out. The rest of what we saw was somewhat comical. One representative proposed an amendment to give college credit for a certian pre-College program that is used in several states and has the support of the Bush Adminstration. He was immediately assailed by a seemingly very conservative rep, who probably would have wrapped himself in an American flag if it fit the dress code, who attacked the program as being, basically, a socialist United Nations brainwashing tool of Satan. Ah the "L" card. His argument was soundly and forcefully dismissed allthough I didn't get to stick around to see what became of the program.
As we left another Rep proposed an amendment that would have the state reemburse the college tuition for any Freshman who earns a 3.0 in their first academic year.
Right...
I'm going to go buy a fleet of Lear Jets.
- Jordan
We met a couple of lobbysts in the elevator...there were lobbyists, people in suits on cellphones each with a representing a private interest, everywhere. After taking the elevator up to the fourth floor of the rotunda we ran into another lobbyist who asked us if we wanted to see a bunch of lobbyists waiting like wolves outside the door of the legislature, of course we obliged and he led us there and there they were. Then the fact struck me that we could actually go in and watch our Government in action...so we did. It was the last day of the session so things were pretty animated. Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs), who represents Texas State University (and does so very well, I would have voted for him if I lived in his district) was trying to push an admendment that would help students...however he withdrew it, apparently to iron some things out. The rest of what we saw was somewhat comical. One representative proposed an amendment to give college credit for a certian pre-College program that is used in several states and has the support of the Bush Adminstration. He was immediately assailed by a seemingly very conservative rep, who probably would have wrapped himself in an American flag if it fit the dress code, who attacked the program as being, basically, a socialist United Nations brainwashing tool of Satan. Ah the "L" card. His argument was soundly and forcefully dismissed allthough I didn't get to stick around to see what became of the program.
As we left another Rep proposed an amendment that would have the state reemburse the college tuition for any Freshman who earns a 3.0 in their first academic year.
Right...
I'm going to go buy a fleet of Lear Jets.
- Jordan
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
"She's My Rushmore, Max"
Yesterday I watched the movie "Rushmore"...one of four films by my favorite filmmaker Wes Anderson. On the surface the film is a somewhat nonchalant comedy about a tenth grader named Max (played by Jason Schwartsman) who is both an overachevier and underachiever. Max is the head or founder of several clubs and a successful playwright at an elite and expensive prep school known as "Rushmore", a school where, even though he is the son of a barber, he attends because of a scholarship. He's smart, articulate, and definitely is a nerd, at least in appearance. However, he is also one of Rushmore's "worst students"...he spends so much time being active in the many activities that he enjoys that he doesn't take the time to study and consistently fails his classes (to the point of being threatened with expulsion). Max is later befriended by the father of two Rushmore students, (who happen to be a very disapointing and unlikible set of twins) Herman Blume (a self-made but melancholy millionare played by Bill Murray). Max proceeds to develop a crush on Mrs. Cross...a first grade teacher at Rushmore, a complicated enough situation before Blume begins to pursure her as well (setting up the main point of conflict for the first half of the film).
This post is not so much about the film however, as it is an examination of a crucial thought that enters the forefront of the picture. It's importiant to note that for Max, Rushmore was his life. His desire and goal was to spend the rest of his life as a student there...enjoying everything that the school offered (except of course, the strictly academic). At the mid point of the film, the definition of what "rushmore" is seems to take a dramatic turn in a broader and somewhat philosophical direction. Max and Herman are at the climax of their conflict over Mrs. Cross (whom Max finally begins to flirt with the acceptance of the reality of his slim chances of ever hooking up with) Murray's character mutters the defining line of the film: "She's My Rushmore Max"...to which Max (who at this point had been finally expelled from Rushmore for academic failure) promptly turns and replies (while walking away)..."She's mine too".
And just like that, through a very simple exchange...a rather profound, yet commonly experenced concept is introduced into the film, creating a conceptual tremor that alters the scope and meaning behind the story. "Rushmore" is more than a school to both Max and Herman...it represents a common affliction experenced thoughout mankind. A search for meaning, a defining experence, happiness, salvation, or desired identity that requires the attainment of a certian thing, or certian status. In my own life this exchange highlights many things that I have avidly pursued, thinking that finally I will have a true identity, a true level or satisfaction. Many others that I have known, in fact everyone I have known, has experenced the pursuit of a "rushmore"...which is always done though a dead end route (such as in wealth, power, a certian job, a certian title, a relashonship with the opposite sex...among other things).
Today I realized that the name Rushmore, coincidentally or not, is intended to invoke the image of this very concept. The name Rushmore in the minds of most Americans represents power, wealth, status, and the status of psuedo-divinity that has been given to the four faces that are carved out of a mountian in South Dakota. I don't think that the title of the film, the school, and the word's appearance in the film's defining line, is merely a random occurence. Anderson is chipping away at something that defines us in our imperfect humanity. We all have our rushmores, for better or for worse...I think, for worse, because the pursuit of these things never, as least as far as I can tell from my experences, and the experences of people I know, lead to true satisfaction. The film ends in a lighthearted way, but it ends with many of the characters seeming deeply disastisfied...in one way the protagonist has won out over the antagonist...but the underlying antagonist of the film...the rushmore concept...still has the upper hand.
This is something that I am thinking about a great deal right now. I hope to write more on it soon.
- Jordan
This post is not so much about the film however, as it is an examination of a crucial thought that enters the forefront of the picture. It's importiant to note that for Max, Rushmore was his life. His desire and goal was to spend the rest of his life as a student there...enjoying everything that the school offered (except of course, the strictly academic). At the mid point of the film, the definition of what "rushmore" is seems to take a dramatic turn in a broader and somewhat philosophical direction. Max and Herman are at the climax of their conflict over Mrs. Cross (whom Max finally begins to flirt with the acceptance of the reality of his slim chances of ever hooking up with) Murray's character mutters the defining line of the film: "She's My Rushmore Max"...to which Max (who at this point had been finally expelled from Rushmore for academic failure) promptly turns and replies (while walking away)..."She's mine too".
And just like that, through a very simple exchange...a rather profound, yet commonly experenced concept is introduced into the film, creating a conceptual tremor that alters the scope and meaning behind the story. "Rushmore" is more than a school to both Max and Herman...it represents a common affliction experenced thoughout mankind. A search for meaning, a defining experence, happiness, salvation, or desired identity that requires the attainment of a certian thing, or certian status. In my own life this exchange highlights many things that I have avidly pursued, thinking that finally I will have a true identity, a true level or satisfaction. Many others that I have known, in fact everyone I have known, has experenced the pursuit of a "rushmore"...which is always done though a dead end route (such as in wealth, power, a certian job, a certian title, a relashonship with the opposite sex...among other things).
Today I realized that the name Rushmore, coincidentally or not, is intended to invoke the image of this very concept. The name Rushmore in the minds of most Americans represents power, wealth, status, and the status of psuedo-divinity that has been given to the four faces that are carved out of a mountian in South Dakota. I don't think that the title of the film, the school, and the word's appearance in the film's defining line, is merely a random occurence. Anderson is chipping away at something that defines us in our imperfect humanity. We all have our rushmores, for better or for worse...I think, for worse, because the pursuit of these things never, as least as far as I can tell from my experences, and the experences of people I know, lead to true satisfaction. The film ends in a lighthearted way, but it ends with many of the characters seeming deeply disastisfied...in one way the protagonist has won out over the antagonist...but the underlying antagonist of the film...the rushmore concept...still has the upper hand.
This is something that I am thinking about a great deal right now. I hope to write more on it soon.
- Jordan
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Blogs are Overrated
It's true, blogs are overrated. That doesn't keep me from writing in mine, however "blog" is such a trendy media buzzword now that I'm thinking of just calling mine a "journal", or a "sphere of textualization invloving mental cognitations and permutations of scattered thought". On second thought, I'll just stick with journal.
The media worships those involved in the "blogosphere"...because they have a voice and can add to the collective fray of daily hot air concerning politics, social issues, or why they are pissed off at how so many people are obsessed with Paris Hilton. ABC News went so far as to declare "bloggers" as their person(s)/people of the Year. In light of that, I'm going to recreate what I notice the average blogger, a ninth grade student, does to contribute to the national discussion:
...
-----
Wed. May 04
Man school rocked today. I skipped class twice and went out with some friends to Taco C and got sum chips and kayso. i hate school it's boring and the teachers are all ghey. i think i'm going to skipp all of my classess until a graduate.
---
fri. May 06
I HATE MY PARENTS I WISH THEY WOULD DIE!!!!11 I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS AND HAVE SOME BEER AND THEY WONT LET ME GO OUT BEAUSE IM GROUNDED!!! I CANT WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE AND BE IN COLLEGE AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!1
---
Sun. May 08
Sometimes broken hearts are the most painful broken things of all.
i miss you kelli
---
Mon. May 09
There's something about the sun that reminds me of being happy
---
Mon May 09
i realli like this song by the USED.
You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time
(Chorus)
I guess it's okay I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time.
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home
(Repeat Chorus)
Nicer than that (2x)
With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you (4x)
(repeat chorus)
Nicer than that
I guess it's okay I puked the day away. (Nicer than that)
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way.(Nicer then that)
And if you want me back,
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer!
Nicer!
man songs so good. exactly how i feel right now
---
Thurs. May 12
i got a job 2day at teh pretzel store in the mall. i like pretzels and i hop e i get to Eat a lot of them when i work. Well, i'm out...later.
---
Sun. May 15
I HATE PRETZELS
...Sorry to subject you to that, but that is, as far as I can tell, a close (yet fictional) example of the typical blog entry.
The media worships those involved in the "blogosphere"...because they have a voice and can add to the collective fray of daily hot air concerning politics, social issues, or why they are pissed off at how so many people are obsessed with Paris Hilton. ABC News went so far as to declare "bloggers" as their person(s)/people of the Year. In light of that, I'm going to recreate what I notice the average blogger, a ninth grade student, does to contribute to the national discussion:
...
-----
Wed. May 04
Man school rocked today. I skipped class twice and went out with some friends to Taco C and got sum chips and kayso. i hate school it's boring and the teachers are all ghey. i think i'm going to skipp all of my classess until a graduate.
---
fri. May 06
I HATE MY PARENTS I WISH THEY WOULD DIE!!!!11 I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS AND HAVE SOME BEER AND THEY WONT LET ME GO OUT BEAUSE IM GROUNDED!!! I CANT WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE AND BE IN COLLEGE AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!1
---
Sun. May 08
Sometimes broken hearts are the most painful broken things of all.
i miss you kelli
---
Mon. May 09
There's something about the sun that reminds me of being happy
---
Mon May 09
i realli like this song by the USED.
You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time
(Chorus)
I guess it's okay I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time.
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home
(Repeat Chorus)
Nicer than that (2x)
With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you (4x)
(repeat chorus)
Nicer than that
I guess it's okay I puked the day away. (Nicer than that)
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way.(Nicer then that)
And if you want me back,
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that
Nicer!
Nicer!
man songs so good. exactly how i feel right now
---
Thurs. May 12
i got a job 2day at teh pretzel store in the mall. i like pretzels and i hop e i get to Eat a lot of them when i work. Well, i'm out...later.
---
Sun. May 15
I HATE PRETZELS
...Sorry to subject you to that, but that is, as far as I can tell, a close (yet fictional) example of the typical blog entry.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
In Short: Why I'm Not Moving Back to San Marcos. A Reply to the Daily Rice.
Moving to San Marcos means (most likely) paying more for rent and either driving 35 minutes to my current job (Which is a drag when I have to do it right after school) or getting a job in San Marcos where I'm all but guarenteed to make less...while having to pay rent in the most overpriced market in Central Texas (housing cost studies have shown this).
Then in the Spring, I will be getting an internship...and the last time I checked all of the media outlets in this area are in Austin. That will mean 2 out of 3 things.
I would personally much rather live WHERE I CAN work. I say this because San Marcos also has basically the worst job market of any city in Central Texas over 25,000 (the Austin American Stateman ran a full page story about this last year, you don't get the dirt on that town unless you read the Austin paper). Living in Austin made it much easier to get a job and when I have to go to work on the weekend (like today), I have to drive 15 minutes, instead of 35. Trying to get a job in San Marcos was excruciating, and frustrating, and any job I would have gotten would have been less likely to pay the bills.
It's essentially a choice between the occasional birthday party, and financial responsibility. Plus, if I'm working my hangout time is pretty limited already. If I'm working out of town that means work actually takes away more from the time when I can hang out. You guys wouldn't see me as much anyway because the cru system isin't tailored to people who have to work in the service industry...but that's okay life isin't fair and it can't be in this case.
But yea to close moving to San Marcos would be a bad decision for me to make for a number of reasons. Number one, likelyhood of being overly stressed trying to drive home from work at 2 AM on a school night....number two, much higher likelyhood of going broke. I've survived school so far with minimal debt (aside from student loans) and I want to keep it that way.
New longest comment award eh? Feel free to ask me about this anytime because I gather that most people don't understand my situation becuase there's is very different, and, in general, much more comfortable and I would even venture to say...easy. Within CRU at least...a lot of upperclassmen students in my program are in my situation...but they aren't in CRU. CRU is made of of a majority of people a nice safe little parentally supported bubble where college students can still be kids. I don't begrudge that at all but it's frustating sometimes when people assume that things are as easy for me.
To sum up the San Marcos situation. Outside of school and good friends, San Marcos has little to offer me. A vast majority of Texas State Broadcast Journalisim seniors live in Austin. I'm not an anomaly...I just am within CRU.
It is good to know that my presence is missed when I'm not around. That means alot. Like I've said though I feel I need to make more of an effort to structure my work schedule so I can go...but of course that requires knowing about things more than two weeks in advance...but I'm good at planning ahead so we'll see.
p.s. my birthday is January 7, and Mike's is January 10...I smell a big party for that one.*wink*
- Jordan
My response was made to this comment by the astute Mr. Rice:
----
Jordan,
Boy oh boy. You have won the award for longest comment. Then, after winning the award, you proceeded to outdo yourself and re-win the award. That was awesome...
On a serious note... It seems like a hard position. I've been really lucky to not have to work this semester, a trend that is soon to end. Also, the whole Austin thing compounds the problem. I guess it ultimately comes down to the choice of driving to work or school... I'd choose drive to work, because friends are better than work anyday. Of course, it's probably not as simple as that. But is there any possibility you could move to Marcos?
I'm sure if you wanted to it would work out... things have a way of doing that you know.
And we do miss you at the surprise parties!
Then in the Spring, I will be getting an internship...and the last time I checked all of the media outlets in this area are in Austin. That will mean 2 out of 3 things.
I would personally much rather live WHERE I CAN work. I say this because San Marcos also has basically the worst job market of any city in Central Texas over 25,000 (the Austin American Stateman ran a full page story about this last year, you don't get the dirt on that town unless you read the Austin paper). Living in Austin made it much easier to get a job and when I have to go to work on the weekend (like today), I have to drive 15 minutes, instead of 35. Trying to get a job in San Marcos was excruciating, and frustrating, and any job I would have gotten would have been less likely to pay the bills.
It's essentially a choice between the occasional birthday party, and financial responsibility. Plus, if I'm working my hangout time is pretty limited already. If I'm working out of town that means work actually takes away more from the time when I can hang out. You guys wouldn't see me as much anyway because the cru system isin't tailored to people who have to work in the service industry...but that's okay life isin't fair and it can't be in this case.
But yea to close moving to San Marcos would be a bad decision for me to make for a number of reasons. Number one, likelyhood of being overly stressed trying to drive home from work at 2 AM on a school night....number two, much higher likelyhood of going broke. I've survived school so far with minimal debt (aside from student loans) and I want to keep it that way.
New longest comment award eh? Feel free to ask me about this anytime because I gather that most people don't understand my situation becuase there's is very different, and, in general, much more comfortable and I would even venture to say...easy. Within CRU at least...a lot of upperclassmen students in my program are in my situation...but they aren't in CRU. CRU is made of of a majority of people a nice safe little parentally supported bubble where college students can still be kids. I don't begrudge that at all but it's frustating sometimes when people assume that things are as easy for me.
To sum up the San Marcos situation. Outside of school and good friends, San Marcos has little to offer me. A vast majority of Texas State Broadcast Journalisim seniors live in Austin. I'm not an anomaly...I just am within CRU.
It is good to know that my presence is missed when I'm not around. That means alot. Like I've said though I feel I need to make more of an effort to structure my work schedule so I can go...but of course that requires knowing about things more than two weeks in advance...but I'm good at planning ahead so we'll see.
p.s. my birthday is January 7, and Mike's is January 10...I smell a big party for that one.*wink*
- Jordan
My response was made to this comment by the astute Mr. Rice:
----
Jordan,
Boy oh boy. You have won the award for longest comment. Then, after winning the award, you proceeded to outdo yourself and re-win the award. That was awesome...
On a serious note... It seems like a hard position. I've been really lucky to not have to work this semester, a trend that is soon to end. Also, the whole Austin thing compounds the problem. I guess it ultimately comes down to the choice of driving to work or school... I'd choose drive to work, because friends are better than work anyday. Of course, it's probably not as simple as that. But is there any possibility you could move to Marcos?
I'm sure if you wanted to it would work out... things have a way of doing that you know.
And we do miss you at the surprise parties!
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Bus of Doom
Or mabye the title would be better put as "Bus Rider of Doom".
My limited experence with the Capital Metro buses, Austin's fairly superb public bus system, have been interesting. Austin has a great bus system yes, but it also has a lot of really weird people that ride on that bus system, making any trip on the bus a pretty interesting one.
Of course, there was the time the bus freakin broke down. It was the route 30 bus that runs from Downtown to the Barton Creek Mall. I decided to take it to the Zilker Park area while I had new tires put on my car (ironically, the cost was identical to that of the ipod that I don't own). I stood with a bunch of people who were late for work, and waited for another one. Fortunately I didn't have to work until 7. An interesting thing about the breakdown is that it was one of the newest buses.
Then there's tonight, which features the continuance of my car’s apparently chronic case of breaking down, always a completely different problem than the one that had been fixed six weeks earlier. I left it at work, hoping that the skills of a car-genius known as "Matt" will magically heal it in the next few days, and walked to the nearest bus stop (about a mile and a half). I took that to Guadalupe so I could get on the "1" bus that goes straight to my apartment. I don't mind riding the bus, I'm not really afraid of "weird" people. However, things on the bus got a little too weird. After stopping at 6th and Congress the bus was near seating capacity, a couple of people were standing. I sat, quietly and peacefully reading the paper when I heard the bus driver, a thirty-something African-American woman (who, by the skilled administrative tone in her voice, has certainly done some parenting in her life) telling a couple of riders to settle down. I looked across the aisle to see two older men, one far older, both apparently either drunk or needing to be, shouting at each other. Apparently some argument between the two was spilling into a shouting match…essentially a verbal cockfight. One guy emphatically stating that he was a Vietnam veteran, while the other obviously older guy shouting that he was a Korean War Veteran (since it happened earlier on America’s timeline, I guess it means he’s better or something)…It was sad but I, and almost everyone else, were getting a little uneasy, the Hispanic guy next to them especially so. I had already had a long day so I stepped off the bus, and then back on when I saw that one of the guys had gotten off the bus. The older guy told the bus driver that it wasn’t his fault, saying “he started it”, in the same way that I did to my mom when I was six, and pointing at the younger vet. The younger vet then dated himself, and his logic, by blaming it on the “Mexican” guy. I guess that makes sense if you’re an apparent alcoholic and grew up in the 50’s.
The long and the short of the story is that they were separated, and the rest of the ride home was noticeably quiet. It was a really interesting thing to observe. It’s got me thinking a great deal about life, bitterness, and the human condition. I guess I should get used to this sort of think if I’m going to Los Angeles this summer.
- Jordan
My limited experence with the Capital Metro buses, Austin's fairly superb public bus system, have been interesting. Austin has a great bus system yes, but it also has a lot of really weird people that ride on that bus system, making any trip on the bus a pretty interesting one.
Of course, there was the time the bus freakin broke down. It was the route 30 bus that runs from Downtown to the Barton Creek Mall. I decided to take it to the Zilker Park area while I had new tires put on my car (ironically, the cost was identical to that of the ipod that I don't own). I stood with a bunch of people who were late for work, and waited for another one. Fortunately I didn't have to work until 7. An interesting thing about the breakdown is that it was one of the newest buses.
Then there's tonight, which features the continuance of my car’s apparently chronic case of breaking down, always a completely different problem than the one that had been fixed six weeks earlier. I left it at work, hoping that the skills of a car-genius known as "Matt" will magically heal it in the next few days, and walked to the nearest bus stop (about a mile and a half). I took that to Guadalupe so I could get on the "1" bus that goes straight to my apartment. I don't mind riding the bus, I'm not really afraid of "weird" people. However, things on the bus got a little too weird. After stopping at 6th and Congress the bus was near seating capacity, a couple of people were standing. I sat, quietly and peacefully reading the paper when I heard the bus driver, a thirty-something African-American woman (who, by the skilled administrative tone in her voice, has certainly done some parenting in her life) telling a couple of riders to settle down. I looked across the aisle to see two older men, one far older, both apparently either drunk or needing to be, shouting at each other. Apparently some argument between the two was spilling into a shouting match…essentially a verbal cockfight. One guy emphatically stating that he was a Vietnam veteran, while the other obviously older guy shouting that he was a Korean War Veteran (since it happened earlier on America’s timeline, I guess it means he’s better or something)…It was sad but I, and almost everyone else, were getting a little uneasy, the Hispanic guy next to them especially so. I had already had a long day so I stepped off the bus, and then back on when I saw that one of the guys had gotten off the bus. The older guy told the bus driver that it wasn’t his fault, saying “he started it”, in the same way that I did to my mom when I was six, and pointing at the younger vet. The younger vet then dated himself, and his logic, by blaming it on the “Mexican” guy. I guess that makes sense if you’re an apparent alcoholic and grew up in the 50’s.
The long and the short of the story is that they were separated, and the rest of the ride home was noticeably quiet. It was a really interesting thing to observe. It’s got me thinking a great deal about life, bitterness, and the human condition. I guess I should get used to this sort of think if I’m going to Los Angeles this summer.
- Jordan
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Pope Benedict XVI
My thoughts on the choice of Archbishop John Ratzinger as the new pope:
I'm not Catholic so it doesn't affect me all that much but I was personally hoping that would go with someone who's less of a hardliner (but still not too compromising). I kind of thought one of the Latin American candidates would have been good for the church too allthough from what I'm reading it seems that Cathloics there are overall happy with the choice, espeically due to his adherence to traditionalist orthodoxy. He seems like a good guy but I'm not a huge fan of some of the archaic policies. Time does change things. I'm not talking about having someone who would be a leftist, because if church actions stray from church teaching then there would be less unity and more division, I think.
I hope that he will reach out to Protestant groups the way that John Paul II did...but from some of his statements it sounds like he'll be less likely to do that. I believe the two main groups have made phenomenal reconcilitory progress in the past few decades (just look at the unilaterally positive response to "The Passion of the Christ" from both groups), but there is still a great deal to be done. From a Protestant perspective I think that it is possible because ultimately Catholics and Protestants agree on the single most importiant point (and I believe, the only crucial point to the Christian faith...the unified response to the "Passion" proves this) which is of course Salvation though the death and ressurection of Jesus. Beyond that though, the two sides have some extremely significant differences. I really don't want to see the relashonship between the two main parts of the Church to regress when so much has been done to reverse a bitter and divided history.
- Jordan
I'm not Catholic so it doesn't affect me all that much but I was personally hoping that would go with someone who's less of a hardliner (but still not too compromising). I kind of thought one of the Latin American candidates would have been good for the church too allthough from what I'm reading it seems that Cathloics there are overall happy with the choice, espeically due to his adherence to traditionalist orthodoxy. He seems like a good guy but I'm not a huge fan of some of the archaic policies. Time does change things. I'm not talking about having someone who would be a leftist, because if church actions stray from church teaching then there would be less unity and more division, I think.
I hope that he will reach out to Protestant groups the way that John Paul II did...but from some of his statements it sounds like he'll be less likely to do that. I believe the two main groups have made phenomenal reconcilitory progress in the past few decades (just look at the unilaterally positive response to "The Passion of the Christ" from both groups), but there is still a great deal to be done. From a Protestant perspective I think that it is possible because ultimately Catholics and Protestants agree on the single most importiant point (and I believe, the only crucial point to the Christian faith...the unified response to the "Passion" proves this) which is of course Salvation though the death and ressurection of Jesus. Beyond that though, the two sides have some extremely significant differences. I really don't want to see the relashonship between the two main parts of the Church to regress when so much has been done to reverse a bitter and divided history.
- Jordan
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Work
I was talking with a former co-worker who just got back from spending a few weeks in a place known as Italy. While catching up with her I mentioned that I was working alot and said "work is a part of my life right now"...to which she replied: "It's probably going to be that way the rest of your life". 'Good point', I thought.
Work is a part of life, a big one...and except for an extremely slim minority of aristocratic history, humans have had to work, alot...often just to survive. In my case, I'm fortunte that work means just paying rent, bills, car expenses, and food...the fortunte part is that none of those things (except for food, which I would still be able to get in some way) directly affect my survival...only less crucial stuff like school and hanging out.
This has been on my mind because I have been working a lot lately. Well, 30 hours a week is a lot when you're in the midst of the most busy part of the college semseter as well. I'm tired, tired of doing things and yet I have to and will always have to. If I don't do things my life will be a waste and that's something I don't ever want to happen.
Work is a part of life, a big one...and except for an extremely slim minority of aristocratic history, humans have had to work, alot...often just to survive. In my case, I'm fortunte that work means just paying rent, bills, car expenses, and food...the fortunte part is that none of those things (except for food, which I would still be able to get in some way) directly affect my survival...only less crucial stuff like school and hanging out.
This has been on my mind because I have been working a lot lately. Well, 30 hours a week is a lot when you're in the midst of the most busy part of the college semseter as well. I'm tired, tired of doing things and yet I have to and will always have to. If I don't do things my life will be a waste and that's something I don't ever want to happen.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tom Delay
I recently realized that my political views have in a subtle way become very independent. They are some what in flux as I am learning and thinking about what I think and believe a great deal. I take a more conservative stance on some issues, and a more liberal one on others...which I guess makes me a moderate, I declared myself to be an independent. Moderation is a huge change for me considering my background. One of the people that has encouraged this moderation is House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-Sugar Land).
In Delay you have someone that I truly despise, a career politician, a seemingly and increasingly corrupt politician (read the link, which like most stories will probably be dismissed by Delay and his conservative allies as "the partisan liberal media" trying to attack him)...the more I read and the more I learn the more I believe that Delay is not only capable of ethics violations, I would be shocked, knowing the ruthless, dog eat dog partisan way that he operates, if he isin't guilty of even more.
This is a man that bullied the Texas Legislature into a rare mid-decade redistricting plan, and was open and proud of the fact that it was a purely partisan attempt to elect as many Republcan congressmen as possible, with absolutely no reguard to the representation rights of voters in communities that have been literally torn apart in a congressional represnation sense. "We're trying to elect as many Republicans as possible"...the opposition did everything they could to stop it but it passed and has so far survived legal challanges (but faces many more).
The worst victim of course, is Austin, punished for it's liberal voting patterns. Austin is now offically the largest city in America that is not truly represented in Washington. Lloyd Doggett is the only legistator based in Austin, and his "fajita district", one of three, streches all the way to McAllen. The rest of the city is split between four other districts, one that streches to Houston and the other to New Mexico. I'm surpsied Delay didn't just push for a resoultion authorizing the President to use military force against the city. It's so bad that I couldn't tell by looking at the state map, which district I live in. It happened to be Doggett's, other parts of the city are represented by people who don't know or don't care about Austin. It wasn't until I moved to Austin (from San Marcos) last summer that I realized how absolutely wrong this is...and I'm not even a Democrat. Honestly I find the divisional, polarized, obsessive, rampant partisan nature of our Government for which Delay is the poster boy, increasingly infuriating.
Delay cares only about his party...not about his Country, not about the people he represents. Really, I think he just cares about his self-righteous self. Good job Tom, your the number one reason that his person from an extremely conservative background and community no longer will even consider idenfifying himself with your party.
And now Delay is being snowed under with reports that he's broken countless ethics rules...and I hope they bury him.
That's my political rant of the week.
- Jordan
In Delay you have someone that I truly despise, a career politician, a seemingly and increasingly corrupt politician (read the link, which like most stories will probably be dismissed by Delay and his conservative allies as "the partisan liberal media" trying to attack him)...the more I read and the more I learn the more I believe that Delay is not only capable of ethics violations, I would be shocked, knowing the ruthless, dog eat dog partisan way that he operates, if he isin't guilty of even more.
This is a man that bullied the Texas Legislature into a rare mid-decade redistricting plan, and was open and proud of the fact that it was a purely partisan attempt to elect as many Republcan congressmen as possible, with absolutely no reguard to the representation rights of voters in communities that have been literally torn apart in a congressional represnation sense. "We're trying to elect as many Republicans as possible"...the opposition did everything they could to stop it but it passed and has so far survived legal challanges (but faces many more).
The worst victim of course, is Austin, punished for it's liberal voting patterns. Austin is now offically the largest city in America that is not truly represented in Washington. Lloyd Doggett is the only legistator based in Austin, and his "fajita district", one of three, streches all the way to McAllen. The rest of the city is split between four other districts, one that streches to Houston and the other to New Mexico. I'm surpsied Delay didn't just push for a resoultion authorizing the President to use military force against the city. It's so bad that I couldn't tell by looking at the state map, which district I live in. It happened to be Doggett's, other parts of the city are represented by people who don't know or don't care about Austin. It wasn't until I moved to Austin (from San Marcos) last summer that I realized how absolutely wrong this is...and I'm not even a Democrat. Honestly I find the divisional, polarized, obsessive, rampant partisan nature of our Government for which Delay is the poster boy, increasingly infuriating.
Delay cares only about his party...not about his Country, not about the people he represents. Really, I think he just cares about his self-righteous self. Good job Tom, your the number one reason that his person from an extremely conservative background and community no longer will even consider idenfifying himself with your party.
And now Delay is being snowed under with reports that he's broken countless ethics rules...and I hope they bury him.
That's my political rant of the week.
- Jordan
When You Wake Up I'll Be Gone
The Get Up Kids, one of my all time favorite bands (you've probably seen me wearing the shirt) are breaking up. It's sad, for me at least, but they've had a great 10 year run and I finally got to see them last year. Their music has meant alot to me. They will be missed.
They appreciated their fans so much, wrote genuine music, were class acts..espeicially Matt Pryor (lead singer), played an incredible live show, and appreciated their fans like few other bands do (repeated for emphasis).
I'm really pretty sad about the news. I have so many good memories attached to their music. The music world needs more bands that have the qualites that this band has.
Thanks for the music and the memories guys.
- Jordan
They appreciated their fans so much, wrote genuine music, were class acts..espeicially Matt Pryor (lead singer), played an incredible live show, and appreciated their fans like few other bands do (repeated for emphasis).
I'm really pretty sad about the news. I have so many good memories attached to their music. The music world needs more bands that have the qualites that this band has.
Thanks for the music and the memories guys.
- Jordan
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Expletives and Explinations
Much in the same way America lost the race to put a man in space to the Soviets, by waiting too long to take the risk to act on their capabilities and ideas...so I have also lost the race, of sorts, to write a post on the topic of profanity to Michael Warren Rice.( http://dailyrice.blogspot.com/ ) Losing to Mr. Rice is not necessarily an insulting thing of course, but still, I hate to lose.
I have a problem with profanity. I say problem in the sense that in a culturally realitive way whenever I react to stress, anger, shock, suprise, disapointment and related things by dropping a random set of cutting expletives. This problem has actually worsened in the past couple of years. I am by no means a "casual" swearer, and the colorfulness of my language is a pretty direction reflection of how I am on the "happiness/sadness" scale. I tend to show restraint when I am around people that I want to like me (which is most people), but it seems that my ability to restrain myself even around them is getting weaker.
There is the question of what is profanity, and is it wrong? Or is it merely wrong because a culture says it is so...and does this in turn make it wrong? I can't answer that question. I don't know enough to, I can't assume anything. All I know is that this is a "problem" for me, and I need to correct it but I don't seem willing to take a step in that direction.
More on this coming soon.
I have a problem with profanity. I say problem in the sense that in a culturally realitive way whenever I react to stress, anger, shock, suprise, disapointment and related things by dropping a random set of cutting expletives. This problem has actually worsened in the past couple of years. I am by no means a "casual" swearer, and the colorfulness of my language is a pretty direction reflection of how I am on the "happiness/sadness" scale. I tend to show restraint when I am around people that I want to like me (which is most people), but it seems that my ability to restrain myself even around them is getting weaker.
There is the question of what is profanity, and is it wrong? Or is it merely wrong because a culture says it is so...and does this in turn make it wrong? I can't answer that question. I don't know enough to, I can't assume anything. All I know is that this is a "problem" for me, and I need to correct it but I don't seem willing to take a step in that direction.
More on this coming soon.
San Marcos, Drink It In, It Always Goes Down Easy. Founded By the Germans in 1905...
Another post, another Anchorman related title...but the similarities between the names of San Marcos and San Diego (mainly the word San, a name which scholars maintain the translation to was lost centuries ago...allright I'll stop, eventually)
This, if you haven't guessed yet, is a post about San Marcos. I have been wanting to write about this subject (San Marcos) for a long time. I have lived there (Sophmore/Junior year of Texas State...2003-04), and I chose to leave it, as many Texas State upperclassmen do, to live in Austin this year for various reasons...mainly oppurtunities to make money and support myself and the expenses necessary for remaining in school (rent/food/etc)...but also for other reason.
So here, uncensored and unabridged, is my dialouge on San Marcos. Enjoy.
---
I like San Marcos...for the most part. I'll admit to that. I lived there on campus at Texas State University and despite the smallness of the town (and the realitive largeness of the school in the middle of it) I got along pretty well. I guess I'm starting with the things that I like about the place because I don't want this to be construed as a bitter and negitive rant and giving the impression that I hate the town...I definitely don't.
San Marcos is a beautiful town...by Texas standards it's a very beautiful town. It's the antithesis of the city I grew up around, Temple...which was an allright place but like most Texas towns it's very spread out, suburbanized and rather plain and boring. San Marcos is definitely not...it's dense, scenic, and clean. The buildings in San Marcos basically look really nice, and most notably it's on the edge of the beautiful Texas Hill Country. San Marcos has a special feel to it. It has a great deal of potentinal. This post isin't about Texas State (allthough as a part of San Marcos, Texas State is a part of what I am talking about) but I'll say that the campus is very beautiful as well. My favorite college campus in Texas that I've visited...well, I'm biased. I like UT alot...espeically the area around UT...definitely when compared with the dictionary definition of an ugly campus that sprawls across College Station (sorry Dan, I couldn't resist the oppurtunity).
Other good things, for a town of 35,000 San Marcos has a good number of cool places to hang out, great parks, a couple of cool coffee shops, nearby outdoor stuff, and of course, the river. But, as with any smaller town, it's saving grace, at least to a city-loving person like myself, is it's proximity to a much larger and far more dynamic and interesting city...Austin. Downtown Austin is only 25 miles away and that was always the number one thing I would mention when people would ask me if I liked it in San Marcos. "It's really cool, downtown Austin is only 25 miles away" I would state. It sounds like an insult (but it's really not) when I say that the best thing about San Marcos is Austin. In my opinion that's the truth and I'll explain it toward the end of this post.
But then there is a cauldron of rather ugly issues that lie beneath the quaint surface of the town. I think I'm going to speak to these in another post that will likely be titled "What's Wrong With San Marcos?". The living in Austin versus San Marcos as a Texas State Student issue, an issue that is often met with silence by most in the community, will be dealt with in another entry as well. I have my reasons for my decision to live in Austin, and I have theories as to why thousands and thousands of fellow upperclassmen have made the same decision, and they are theories that do not reflect well on San Marcos. I'll leave this one as a nice, sunny, and for the most part positive post about a generally nice town.
This, if you haven't guessed yet, is a post about San Marcos. I have been wanting to write about this subject (San Marcos) for a long time. I have lived there (Sophmore/Junior year of Texas State...2003-04), and I chose to leave it, as many Texas State upperclassmen do, to live in Austin this year for various reasons...mainly oppurtunities to make money and support myself and the expenses necessary for remaining in school (rent/food/etc)...but also for other reason.
So here, uncensored and unabridged, is my dialouge on San Marcos. Enjoy.
---
I like San Marcos...for the most part. I'll admit to that. I lived there on campus at Texas State University and despite the smallness of the town (and the realitive largeness of the school in the middle of it) I got along pretty well. I guess I'm starting with the things that I like about the place because I don't want this to be construed as a bitter and negitive rant and giving the impression that I hate the town...I definitely don't.
San Marcos is a beautiful town...by Texas standards it's a very beautiful town. It's the antithesis of the city I grew up around, Temple...which was an allright place but like most Texas towns it's very spread out, suburbanized and rather plain and boring. San Marcos is definitely not...it's dense, scenic, and clean. The buildings in San Marcos basically look really nice, and most notably it's on the edge of the beautiful Texas Hill Country. San Marcos has a special feel to it. It has a great deal of potentinal. This post isin't about Texas State (allthough as a part of San Marcos, Texas State is a part of what I am talking about) but I'll say that the campus is very beautiful as well. My favorite college campus in Texas that I've visited...well, I'm biased. I like UT alot...espeically the area around UT...definitely when compared with the dictionary definition of an ugly campus that sprawls across College Station (sorry Dan, I couldn't resist the oppurtunity).
Other good things, for a town of 35,000 San Marcos has a good number of cool places to hang out, great parks, a couple of cool coffee shops, nearby outdoor stuff, and of course, the river. But, as with any smaller town, it's saving grace, at least to a city-loving person like myself, is it's proximity to a much larger and far more dynamic and interesting city...Austin. Downtown Austin is only 25 miles away and that was always the number one thing I would mention when people would ask me if I liked it in San Marcos. "It's really cool, downtown Austin is only 25 miles away" I would state. It sounds like an insult (but it's really not) when I say that the best thing about San Marcos is Austin. In my opinion that's the truth and I'll explain it toward the end of this post.
But then there is a cauldron of rather ugly issues that lie beneath the quaint surface of the town. I think I'm going to speak to these in another post that will likely be titled "What's Wrong With San Marcos?". The living in Austin versus San Marcos as a Texas State Student issue, an issue that is often met with silence by most in the community, will be dealt with in another entry as well. I have my reasons for my decision to live in Austin, and I have theories as to why thousands and thousands of fellow upperclassmen have made the same decision, and they are theories that do not reflect well on San Marcos. I'll leave this one as a nice, sunny, and for the most part positive post about a generally nice town.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
I'm Completely Miserable San Marcos: An Open Letter To My Friends at Texas State University
Note: The title of this post is an Anchorman reference, and for the most part is intended in a joking matter...I am not, personally "completely miserable"...I highly recommend seeing the film if you haven't yet, then you'll understand many of the things that I say.
Dear friends,
This is a GENERAL letter, not written to any one person, but to a GROUP. As a rule, please do not take anything that is said here personally, because none of it is meant personally, at all. The goal of this is to just be honest and hopefully give a better understanding of where I am coming from on stuff, and of my situation, and how I feel about things.
First off, I apprecaite and love all of you guys very much. If I didn't, I wouldn't be hanging out with you. In fact, I wouldn't be writing this. In this entry I am going to be completely honest. I am not going to censor myself in anyway.
My time is a very valuable to me. I have a lot to do. It takes far more effort for me to hang out with people than it does for the average student. I'm taking upper level classes, working 20-30 hours a week to pay ALL of my bills, living in Austin so I can have that job to pay rent and stay in school and future internship, and trying to maintain a very high G.P.A. that I'm assuming will help me out in the long run. At the same time, I'm trying to keep up with what is an often fragile (or so it seems) relashonship with God...and raising money to go to L.A. this summer is already taking a great deal of time. This dosen't leave me with a lot of free time...so if I'm spending it with you, that means a lot, or at least to me it means a lot, or else I wouldn't be doing it. Many of my friends do not need to work, are taking basic classes still or do not devote as much time to studying as I do...which gives them much more time to hang out and in general I theorize that their supply/demand ratio of free time makes it much easier for them to "get to know" other people and hang out with them. In short...in comparison to me I think it is just hard for some people to realize how devoted I really am to all of my friends and how importiant I think they are. Because I'm around a little less, but to be around that much takes so much concentrated effort. I have to plan out way in advance when I can spend time with people. It's not the way I want it, but it's the way it is.
When I don't feel accepted in return, it hurts. I need acceptance...of course I shouldn't be looking for it anywhere but from God...but I do...because I'm human and I'm wired in that flawed way. I understand that I have my share of shortcomings, that I can be hard-headed, critical, that my personality is one rooted in dominance, that I like to be in charge, that I can say offensive things without thinking, that I am very self-centerd...but that doesn't change the fact that I deeply want to feel accepted. I want people to meet me where I am and accept me? Is that so difficult? What am I doing wrong? I need to know. What needs to change?...I often do not realize when I am doing something wrong until somebody TELLS me...if no one tells me I assume they haven't cared about me and that is the reason. When I don't get invited to things, when I have to go way out of my way to find out what is going on, it doesn't exactly strengthen my fragile self-esteem and my finely tuned sense of acceptance...or the lack thereof. I love communication and fellowship, but only if it is reciprocated. If it is not, then I am quickly discouraged and I'm life with two options: lash out or withdraw. As temporarily satisfying as lashing out would be, I usually choose withdrawl, or worse, passive agressive actions designed to manipulate and hurt the people that I feel have shunned me.
I've been told that the problem is internal...and ulimately it is. But this doesn't mean that it cannot be positively affected by EXTERNAL sources. Many of the major behavioral changes that I have experenced in my life can be traced back to a single moment of a friend caring enough to tell me about something...just a simple sentence in most cases can spark a revolution in my personality. Only a simple act of compassion and real genuine love is often enough to help me change.
I understand that I don't often listen enough...that's why sometimes it takes several times of someone telling me something for me to act on it. However, I am becoming a better listener and in this area I am going to naturally listen because I am clueless on what to do about it.
I've been told that I need to do more to be involved and "get to know" people in the group...but how much more can I do? I crave fellowship and community so badly that I sacrifice much needed study time, much needed sleep, gas, money, whatever to hang out with "the group" and to spend time getting to know them. I shouldn't be required to personally know everyone in CRU for example, in order to be invited to something that involves over 20 people in the group, 10 of whom are likely to be good friends of mine. As much as the internal nature of the problem that I have is the dominant reason, this doesn't justify anything. I still want to be loved, I still want to be accepted...and I don't believe there is anything wrong with that and I don't think I should feel bad for wanting that, or for feeling hurt when I sense that I am contenually rejected and essentially given little value as percieved by the group as a whole.
Please, again, do not think I am speaking personally to anyone. I am smart enough to distinguish between individuals and groups...I am also smart enough to know that most of what I think and feel is a lie...and that I am greatly loved. What I need help with is actions that fight these negitive thoughts, not reenforce them. Not being invited by anyone to Ethan's party (this is no fault of any single person, please don't think I am blaming any single person) is the latest in a series of events that have greatly reenforced my growing sense of self-doubt and negitive thinking that ultimately is also directed at myself. I need to see people making some sort of effort, genuine effort, to make me feel like I am worth something to them...otherwise I am going to become more discouraged in this area. Because I can't make myself stop being this way, I don't have the power to. I need help. I need you guys, I need you guys to show me that I matter to you. I know untimately the only being that I truly NEED to matter to is God, but I am human, I have emotions, I have a sense of self-worth. I am imperfect...I feel that I need approval from my friends and because of this emotionally based "need", I am greatly affected by it. This letter is not about the Friday's party either...allthough that event has served as the catalyst for me writing this because my tolearnace for the status quo has reached it's end as of today. I have felt like this many times, but I haven't expressed it, at least to more than one person...and that is my fault. This all is ultimately my fault and I feel miserable about it.
Please show me that I don't need to jump though any more hoops to feel accepted, included, and loved. Please help me guys. I'm not as emotionally strong as I like to seem. I'm being honest here because it's the only way I think I can truly shed light on what I am feeling here. I have to be vunerable because otherwise how will anyone know? I love you guys, honestly. Otherwise I wouldn't be cutting my already inadaquate amount of sleep that I will get tonight by another hour.
Those of you who read this: Derek, Sean, Micheal etc...I really appreciate you guys. Honestly. I promise this is not directed personally toward any of you guys. It's to everyone in the mass of people that can generally be known as "CRU"...an amazing group of people that I wish I could be fully included and welcomed into someday, instead of the constant limited and peripheral feeling that haunts my association with the group.
- Jordan
Dear friends,
This is a GENERAL letter, not written to any one person, but to a GROUP. As a rule, please do not take anything that is said here personally, because none of it is meant personally, at all. The goal of this is to just be honest and hopefully give a better understanding of where I am coming from on stuff, and of my situation, and how I feel about things.
First off, I apprecaite and love all of you guys very much. If I didn't, I wouldn't be hanging out with you. In fact, I wouldn't be writing this. In this entry I am going to be completely honest. I am not going to censor myself in anyway.
My time is a very valuable to me. I have a lot to do. It takes far more effort for me to hang out with people than it does for the average student. I'm taking upper level classes, working 20-30 hours a week to pay ALL of my bills, living in Austin so I can have that job to pay rent and stay in school and future internship, and trying to maintain a very high G.P.A. that I'm assuming will help me out in the long run. At the same time, I'm trying to keep up with what is an often fragile (or so it seems) relashonship with God...and raising money to go to L.A. this summer is already taking a great deal of time. This dosen't leave me with a lot of free time...so if I'm spending it with you, that means a lot, or at least to me it means a lot, or else I wouldn't be doing it. Many of my friends do not need to work, are taking basic classes still or do not devote as much time to studying as I do...which gives them much more time to hang out and in general I theorize that their supply/demand ratio of free time makes it much easier for them to "get to know" other people and hang out with them. In short...in comparison to me I think it is just hard for some people to realize how devoted I really am to all of my friends and how importiant I think they are. Because I'm around a little less, but to be around that much takes so much concentrated effort. I have to plan out way in advance when I can spend time with people. It's not the way I want it, but it's the way it is.
When I don't feel accepted in return, it hurts. I need acceptance...of course I shouldn't be looking for it anywhere but from God...but I do...because I'm human and I'm wired in that flawed way. I understand that I have my share of shortcomings, that I can be hard-headed, critical, that my personality is one rooted in dominance, that I like to be in charge, that I can say offensive things without thinking, that I am very self-centerd...but that doesn't change the fact that I deeply want to feel accepted. I want people to meet me where I am and accept me? Is that so difficult? What am I doing wrong? I need to know. What needs to change?...I often do not realize when I am doing something wrong until somebody TELLS me...if no one tells me I assume they haven't cared about me and that is the reason. When I don't get invited to things, when I have to go way out of my way to find out what is going on, it doesn't exactly strengthen my fragile self-esteem and my finely tuned sense of acceptance...or the lack thereof. I love communication and fellowship, but only if it is reciprocated. If it is not, then I am quickly discouraged and I'm life with two options: lash out or withdraw. As temporarily satisfying as lashing out would be, I usually choose withdrawl, or worse, passive agressive actions designed to manipulate and hurt the people that I feel have shunned me.
I've been told that the problem is internal...and ulimately it is. But this doesn't mean that it cannot be positively affected by EXTERNAL sources. Many of the major behavioral changes that I have experenced in my life can be traced back to a single moment of a friend caring enough to tell me about something...just a simple sentence in most cases can spark a revolution in my personality. Only a simple act of compassion and real genuine love is often enough to help me change.
I understand that I don't often listen enough...that's why sometimes it takes several times of someone telling me something for me to act on it. However, I am becoming a better listener and in this area I am going to naturally listen because I am clueless on what to do about it.
I've been told that I need to do more to be involved and "get to know" people in the group...but how much more can I do? I crave fellowship and community so badly that I sacrifice much needed study time, much needed sleep, gas, money, whatever to hang out with "the group" and to spend time getting to know them. I shouldn't be required to personally know everyone in CRU for example, in order to be invited to something that involves over 20 people in the group, 10 of whom are likely to be good friends of mine. As much as the internal nature of the problem that I have is the dominant reason, this doesn't justify anything. I still want to be loved, I still want to be accepted...and I don't believe there is anything wrong with that and I don't think I should feel bad for wanting that, or for feeling hurt when I sense that I am contenually rejected and essentially given little value as percieved by the group as a whole.
Please, again, do not think I am speaking personally to anyone. I am smart enough to distinguish between individuals and groups...I am also smart enough to know that most of what I think and feel is a lie...and that I am greatly loved. What I need help with is actions that fight these negitive thoughts, not reenforce them. Not being invited by anyone to Ethan's party (this is no fault of any single person, please don't think I am blaming any single person) is the latest in a series of events that have greatly reenforced my growing sense of self-doubt and negitive thinking that ultimately is also directed at myself. I need to see people making some sort of effort, genuine effort, to make me feel like I am worth something to them...otherwise I am going to become more discouraged in this area. Because I can't make myself stop being this way, I don't have the power to. I need help. I need you guys, I need you guys to show me that I matter to you. I know untimately the only being that I truly NEED to matter to is God, but I am human, I have emotions, I have a sense of self-worth. I am imperfect...I feel that I need approval from my friends and because of this emotionally based "need", I am greatly affected by it. This letter is not about the Friday's party either...allthough that event has served as the catalyst for me writing this because my tolearnace for the status quo has reached it's end as of today. I have felt like this many times, but I haven't expressed it, at least to more than one person...and that is my fault. This all is ultimately my fault and I feel miserable about it.
Please show me that I don't need to jump though any more hoops to feel accepted, included, and loved. Please help me guys. I'm not as emotionally strong as I like to seem. I'm being honest here because it's the only way I think I can truly shed light on what I am feeling here. I have to be vunerable because otherwise how will anyone know? I love you guys, honestly. Otherwise I wouldn't be cutting my already inadaquate amount of sleep that I will get tonight by another hour.
Those of you who read this: Derek, Sean, Micheal etc...I really appreciate you guys. Honestly. I promise this is not directed personally toward any of you guys. It's to everyone in the mass of people that can generally be known as "CRU"...an amazing group of people that I wish I could be fully included and welcomed into someday, instead of the constant limited and peripheral feeling that haunts my association with the group.
- Jordan
Unraveling Conclusions
I've come to a few conclusions in my life...but just because they are conclusions doesn't mean they are the truth, nor are they immune to change.
1. Most actions are done with the perception of others in mind, reguardless of how hard a person tries to avoid this pattern.
2. All human love is conditional.
The second one is the most depressing...and I hope it isin't true.
I've been somewhat consistently depressed lately. That's unusual for my "new self".
1. Most actions are done with the perception of others in mind, reguardless of how hard a person tries to avoid this pattern.
2. All human love is conditional.
The second one is the most depressing...and I hope it isin't true.
I've been somewhat consistently depressed lately. That's unusual for my "new self".
Monday, April 04, 2005
Time to Chill Out, Sonically, With These Laid Back Tunes
I love making mix cds. I also love music that I can chill out to. With that in mind, I've put together a mix of extremely awesome yet chilled out songs to chill out to. For those of you keeping score at home; here is the tracklist.
1. Modest Mouse - Sleepwalkin'(3:23)
2. Elliott Smith - Pitseleh (3:22)
3. Slowreader - Fallen On the World (3:11)
4. American Football - But The Regrets Are Killing Me (3:54)
5. The Appleseed Cast - Bird of Paradise (2:24) (instrumental)
6. The Postal Service - There's Never Enough Time (3:33)
7. The New Amsterdams - Picture In The Paper (2.59)
8. The Weakerthans - One Great City! (2.54)
9. The Shins - New Slang (3:51) (This song always ends up on my mix cds)
10. The Microphones - After N. Young (1:16)
11. American Football - You Know I Should Be Leaving Soon (3:43)(Instrumental)
12. Pedro The Lion - Of Up And Coming Monarchs (3:02)
13. The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kansas (3:03)
14. The Appleseed Cast - A Tree For Trials (1.28)
15. Jimmy Eat World - 12.23.95 (3:53)
16. Death Cab For Cutie - Debate Exposes Doubt (4:36)
Oh yea, Sean (Raybuck), in case you're wondering, this is the cd that I was jamming out to in the car on Sunday...yea, there you have it.
1. Modest Mouse - Sleepwalkin'(3:23)
2. Elliott Smith - Pitseleh (3:22)
3. Slowreader - Fallen On the World (3:11)
4. American Football - But The Regrets Are Killing Me (3:54)
5. The Appleseed Cast - Bird of Paradise (2:24) (instrumental)
6. The Postal Service - There's Never Enough Time (3:33)
7. The New Amsterdams - Picture In The Paper (2.59)
8. The Weakerthans - One Great City! (2.54)
9. The Shins - New Slang (3:51) (This song always ends up on my mix cds)
10. The Microphones - After N. Young (1:16)
11. American Football - You Know I Should Be Leaving Soon (3:43)(Instrumental)
12. Pedro The Lion - Of Up And Coming Monarchs (3:02)
13. The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kansas (3:03)
14. The Appleseed Cast - A Tree For Trials (1.28)
15. Jimmy Eat World - 12.23.95 (3:53)
16. Death Cab For Cutie - Debate Exposes Doubt (4:36)
Oh yea, Sean (Raybuck), in case you're wondering, this is the cd that I was jamming out to in the car on Sunday...yea, there you have it.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Art Is Hard
I guess this is my offical Donald Miller entry. I didn't expect to run into him. I wanted to meet the guy but he had to go somewhere after I saw him speak on Thursday. If you don't know who he is, he's the author of two somewhat profound books called "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What"...which my friend Michael Rice ( http://dailyrice.blogspot.com/ ) astutely calls: "required reading for the high-school youth group members and semi-cool-20-something Christian types". I first heard about Blue Like Jazz from my friend Jon who at the time was, ironically, co-leading a small group of high school youth along with a semi-cool-20-something christian type at his church (Actually he bordered more on the complete cool side but I'm trying to compliment Rice here on a observational job well done).
Miller spoke this week at the University of Texas. I got to go one night and he was a good speaker, very conversational, funny and insightful, just like his books. I read Searching for God Knows What on the plane back from Seattle a couple of weeks ago and I found it very appropriate subject matter that complimented a lot of the things that I've been mentally restling with in the realms of Christian "religion" and "spirituality" and the importiance of the relashonal aspect of faith...relashonship with God and fellowship, the many things that can be learned, though relashonships with peers.
I didn't get to attend for his final speaking engagement on Friday...so I didn't expect that I would meet him. I mainly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that I appreciate his books. Today I was working at Mozart's, not thinking about much except rearranging the bakery cases next to the bar. I had been looking down for several minutes trying to finish because we were approaching our normal level of Sunday Afternoon sales activity that can be best described as a feverish. I got things arranged like I wanted and looked up and there just three feet away across the counter was the extremely recognizable face of Don Miller. Now I'm not the type that goes nuts over celebreties, even people who can be described as such in a very loose way within the context of a small like minded group (as defined by Michael Rice above)...but I was nevertheless pretty startled. Suprised enough at least to blurt "holy s--t"...just quietly enough that I don't think he heard it (allthough if he did I would be funny to have those words as the introduction to my first conversation with the man). (My language gets colorful when I am either angry or just suprised (this will be the topic of another thread about a certian character flaw involving my choice of words in certian situations).
To make a long story short (because it really isin't a long story anyway, allthough with all of these parenthetical references it seems to be turning into one)...I got to meet him, tell him that I really appreciate his books, mention that he had meet several friends of mine (which prompted a request that I deliver a shout out for him, so if you guys are reading this and you met him on Friday, he says hi). I also got to make him an espresso shake...and I made sure that it was a good one.
In retrospect I wouldn't have been suprised if he had dropped in during one of the days he was speaking. Miller often speaks and writes glowingly of the time he spends in coffee shops, and we've got the best darn coffee (and setting) in Austin so of course he would show up eventually. I just thought he had left town by now...but hey, it's Austin, I can understand someone staying longer than they had to.
Thus ends my only foray into name dropping for the week.
In case you're curious about the title, it doesn't have anything directly to do with the entry. I'm just listening to Cursive and it's a cool title for a song so I went with it. Allthough I do consider Miller's books to be artistic in the way that they draw from personal experences to make good points, something that is hard to do, just like art. Of course, at Mozart's, I tend to make drinks that are good enough that mabye you could call them art. Derek Eacho, Ethan Graham and Don Miller have all consumed the art of Jordan Stewart this week. If you're thinking that this paragraph is self serving, then you are right. But I'm just joking around...mostly.
- Jordan
Miller spoke this week at the University of Texas. I got to go one night and he was a good speaker, very conversational, funny and insightful, just like his books. I read Searching for God Knows What on the plane back from Seattle a couple of weeks ago and I found it very appropriate subject matter that complimented a lot of the things that I've been mentally restling with in the realms of Christian "religion" and "spirituality" and the importiance of the relashonal aspect of faith...relashonship with God and fellowship, the many things that can be learned, though relashonships with peers.
I didn't get to attend for his final speaking engagement on Friday...so I didn't expect that I would meet him. I mainly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that I appreciate his books. Today I was working at Mozart's, not thinking about much except rearranging the bakery cases next to the bar. I had been looking down for several minutes trying to finish because we were approaching our normal level of Sunday Afternoon sales activity that can be best described as a feverish. I got things arranged like I wanted and looked up and there just three feet away across the counter was the extremely recognizable face of Don Miller. Now I'm not the type that goes nuts over celebreties, even people who can be described as such in a very loose way within the context of a small like minded group (as defined by Michael Rice above)...but I was nevertheless pretty startled. Suprised enough at least to blurt "holy s--t"...just quietly enough that I don't think he heard it (allthough if he did I would be funny to have those words as the introduction to my first conversation with the man). (My language gets colorful when I am either angry or just suprised (this will be the topic of another thread about a certian character flaw involving my choice of words in certian situations).
To make a long story short (because it really isin't a long story anyway, allthough with all of these parenthetical references it seems to be turning into one)...I got to meet him, tell him that I really appreciate his books, mention that he had meet several friends of mine (which prompted a request that I deliver a shout out for him, so if you guys are reading this and you met him on Friday, he says hi). I also got to make him an espresso shake...and I made sure that it was a good one.
In retrospect I wouldn't have been suprised if he had dropped in during one of the days he was speaking. Miller often speaks and writes glowingly of the time he spends in coffee shops, and we've got the best darn coffee (and setting) in Austin so of course he would show up eventually. I just thought he had left town by now...but hey, it's Austin, I can understand someone staying longer than they had to.
Thus ends my only foray into name dropping for the week.
In case you're curious about the title, it doesn't have anything directly to do with the entry. I'm just listening to Cursive and it's a cool title for a song so I went with it. Allthough I do consider Miller's books to be artistic in the way that they draw from personal experences to make good points, something that is hard to do, just like art. Of course, at Mozart's, I tend to make drinks that are good enough that mabye you could call them art. Derek Eacho, Ethan Graham and Don Miller have all consumed the art of Jordan Stewart this week. If you're thinking that this paragraph is self serving, then you are right. But I'm just joking around...mostly.
- Jordan
Observations on Driving Patters/The Circle(s) of Life
(Keep reading and stick with this one, I promise that it has a real point and resolves itself toward the end)
Every few weeks or so, a seemingly unimpactful five or six word sentence has a profound effect on the way that I think.
I was riding in my car today in San Marcos with my good friend Sean. As we approached a traffic light; Sean made the following comment: “You have really weird driving patterns”. I guess I do, in fact, I definitely do. However, if this is to have any real reason or point, I need to put it in context.
We had just finished with “Bobcat Build”…an amazing and huge community service project at Texas State involving something like 1,000 students and a huge orchestrated effort to send the students to various projects around the modestly sized community. Sean and I worked with the CRU group. Our project was painting the interior of a building that is home to an after school program for at risk youth. There were between 30 and 35 of us so the job went fast and we ended up playing Dodgeball as the paint was drying. Free hot dogs (a food product that will be the subject of a future entry on how some cultures tend to view food in certain other cultures as disgusting) were being served at the Bobcat Stadium we returned to the meeting site at the Bobcat Village apartments. It was along the route between there and the stadium that Sean made his (mostly likely unintentionally) profound comment.
I guess some familiarity with the urban geography of San Marcos is needed to understand, well, the urban geography in San Marcos. Essentially, the route I took to the stadium was a little longer, and completed a circle, which prompted Sean to make the comment. He’s an observant guy, he observed that I’ve often driven “in circles”, so to speak. I always enter the apartment complex where he lives though one entrance and I always leave though the other, which creates a circuitous route. I plan almost all of my road trips in a similar way, something I mentioned to Sean in acknowledgement that his observation was correct. My Spring Break trip included a long road trip which created a very well rounded circle on the map spanning 4 states and 2 Canadian provinces. I tend to follow this “weird” pattern whether I’m driving across international borders or simply visiting a friend’s apartment. When I’m navigating for a friend as they drive, and they miss a turn, my most frequently offered solution is to “circle the block”…I would rather do that then try to turn around and go back the way I came. One thing I despise on a trip is taking the same route twice when a different route (that’s not too much of a detour) can be taken on the return leg of the journey. I occasionally, just for whatever reason, drive though the west gate of my apartment complex even though my building is located right next to the east gate and it’s (no exaggeration here) a one mile drive around the circumference of the complex. I don’t follow this route nearly as often, because it’s ridiculous, but the fact that I’ve even gone this far a couple of times is telling that this really is persistent pattern. Essentially, the basic conclusion is that I like driving in circles.
The operative word in the previous sentence is “basic”. About 30 minutes later I was walking with Sean and other members of our group. Then I stopped. What he said had revealed something very precise and very important about myself that I had thought about at times, but had never truly realized the scope of how it governs my actions. I like resolution. This preference for resolution affects a holistic range of the decisions that I make. I used to state that I like finishing things, and that is true, I like when something, a task I have, or a bad song on the radio, is done. Today I realized that is a small part of my personality in comparison to the tenet that acts as an umbrella shading many aspects of my actions, decisions and personality. I like resolution. I drive in circles because, in a purely geographical sense, circles resolve. I like albums that can best be described as great albums, not merely as a collection of good songs, because the different tracks tie together and the album resolves at the end (for a good example of this, listen to album entitled “Progress” by the RX Bandits). I enjoy the sound of jazz but cannot pay too much attention to it or I become quickly frustrated at the lack of resolution. I, for the most part, dislike arguments but I love when they end in a peaceful resolution of acceptance of each side’s mutual right to exist and have opinions. I love the moment in a sporting event when the game clock reaches zero and a clear winner is determined. No more is this resolution so sharp than in the climactic goal in sudden death overtime of a playoff hockey game…which happens to be my favorite thing in sports…and not coincidentally so. I love finishing projects, so much so that the desire to finish alone motivates me even when it is hard to find enjoyment in any aspect of the processes involved in the project. My desire to accomplish goals, to finish what I start, is often powerful enough to override my often extreme lack of initiative in starting toward those goals.
It’s clear to me at least that a few conventionally formed words linked together in a conventional phrase can have a very unconventional impact. I learn so much from just random conversations about anything. I learn so much from people, just talking to people, about anything. I would love nothing more than to just spend a week in a coffee shop in Central Austin with a few of my best friends talking about anything that comes to mind. As long as we sit in a circle, return from the shop a different way than we came, and, most importantly, all of our conversations resolve at some point.
- Jordan
Every few weeks or so, a seemingly unimpactful five or six word sentence has a profound effect on the way that I think.
I was riding in my car today in San Marcos with my good friend Sean. As we approached a traffic light; Sean made the following comment: “You have really weird driving patterns”. I guess I do, in fact, I definitely do. However, if this is to have any real reason or point, I need to put it in context.
We had just finished with “Bobcat Build”…an amazing and huge community service project at Texas State involving something like 1,000 students and a huge orchestrated effort to send the students to various projects around the modestly sized community. Sean and I worked with the CRU group. Our project was painting the interior of a building that is home to an after school program for at risk youth. There were between 30 and 35 of us so the job went fast and we ended up playing Dodgeball as the paint was drying. Free hot dogs (a food product that will be the subject of a future entry on how some cultures tend to view food in certain other cultures as disgusting) were being served at the Bobcat Stadium we returned to the meeting site at the Bobcat Village apartments. It was along the route between there and the stadium that Sean made his (mostly likely unintentionally) profound comment.
I guess some familiarity with the urban geography of San Marcos is needed to understand, well, the urban geography in San Marcos. Essentially, the route I took to the stadium was a little longer, and completed a circle, which prompted Sean to make the comment. He’s an observant guy, he observed that I’ve often driven “in circles”, so to speak. I always enter the apartment complex where he lives though one entrance and I always leave though the other, which creates a circuitous route. I plan almost all of my road trips in a similar way, something I mentioned to Sean in acknowledgement that his observation was correct. My Spring Break trip included a long road trip which created a very well rounded circle on the map spanning 4 states and 2 Canadian provinces. I tend to follow this “weird” pattern whether I’m driving across international borders or simply visiting a friend’s apartment. When I’m navigating for a friend as they drive, and they miss a turn, my most frequently offered solution is to “circle the block”…I would rather do that then try to turn around and go back the way I came. One thing I despise on a trip is taking the same route twice when a different route (that’s not too much of a detour) can be taken on the return leg of the journey. I occasionally, just for whatever reason, drive though the west gate of my apartment complex even though my building is located right next to the east gate and it’s (no exaggeration here) a one mile drive around the circumference of the complex. I don’t follow this route nearly as often, because it’s ridiculous, but the fact that I’ve even gone this far a couple of times is telling that this really is persistent pattern. Essentially, the basic conclusion is that I like driving in circles.
The operative word in the previous sentence is “basic”. About 30 minutes later I was walking with Sean and other members of our group. Then I stopped. What he said had revealed something very precise and very important about myself that I had thought about at times, but had never truly realized the scope of how it governs my actions. I like resolution. This preference for resolution affects a holistic range of the decisions that I make. I used to state that I like finishing things, and that is true, I like when something, a task I have, or a bad song on the radio, is done. Today I realized that is a small part of my personality in comparison to the tenet that acts as an umbrella shading many aspects of my actions, decisions and personality. I like resolution. I drive in circles because, in a purely geographical sense, circles resolve. I like albums that can best be described as great albums, not merely as a collection of good songs, because the different tracks tie together and the album resolves at the end (for a good example of this, listen to album entitled “Progress” by the RX Bandits). I enjoy the sound of jazz but cannot pay too much attention to it or I become quickly frustrated at the lack of resolution. I, for the most part, dislike arguments but I love when they end in a peaceful resolution of acceptance of each side’s mutual right to exist and have opinions. I love the moment in a sporting event when the game clock reaches zero and a clear winner is determined. No more is this resolution so sharp than in the climactic goal in sudden death overtime of a playoff hockey game…which happens to be my favorite thing in sports…and not coincidentally so. I love finishing projects, so much so that the desire to finish alone motivates me even when it is hard to find enjoyment in any aspect of the processes involved in the project. My desire to accomplish goals, to finish what I start, is often powerful enough to override my often extreme lack of initiative in starting toward those goals.
It’s clear to me at least that a few conventionally formed words linked together in a conventional phrase can have a very unconventional impact. I learn so much from just random conversations about anything. I learn so much from people, just talking to people, about anything. I would love nothing more than to just spend a week in a coffee shop in Central Austin with a few of my best friends talking about anything that comes to mind. As long as we sit in a circle, return from the shop a different way than we came, and, most importantly, all of our conversations resolve at some point.
- Jordan
Friday, April 01, 2005
Question Three: "Why Would Jesus Be A Democrat/Why Would Jesus Be A Republican?"
This is one of the least importiant debates that we could have, yet it garners so much attention. People naively spout of some policy that proves Jesus's American political party affiliation. I will now illustrate how ridiculious this really is.
Most commonly in this part of this country, people see Jesus as a leading firebrand Southern Baptist conservative giving a speech at the G.O.P. convention about something called moral values and protecting the Upper Middle Class suburban family from losing tax dollars to lower class inner city people who, as the God of the Universe, obviously dosen't love as much because they don't have as much material stuff...later that week Jesus Christ (R-Texas) is shown on Fox News taking a break from turning water into sparking grape juice to ride his Elephant (he's not a democrat, remember) into the palm branch covered streets of Washington D.C. to help pass an 11th hour Constitutional Amendendment banning gay marrage, because that's why he died on the cross and was ressurected remember?...to keep gay people from getting married. The next day, he's baptized in the Potomac by Tom DeLay and a dove descends from heaven and hands DeLay a check for five million dollars so he can keep doing the Lord's work. He spends days in the White House planning his Second Coming, the word "Shock and Awe" is used as many times as divinely possible, he promises to use divinely guided smart bombs that will spare American citizens while he dispenses the divine justice that the rest of the World diserves. Of course the rest of his time on Capitol Hill is spent fighting for the removal of environmental restrictions on industries, because stewardship wasn't meant to be applied to creation, and material wealth is more importiant. A high wealth disparity is a biblical principle too, remember that parable about the one guy getting ten talents, while the other guy got five and the last guy got one, probably because he's lazy, the kind of person that liberals would want to give a free ride on welfare, but not Jesus. Wealth should trickle down from the wealthy to the middle and lower classes, if they work hard enough for their talent, of course this is much more work than the guy who got ten talents should be required to do, but that's because God has blessed him more so he doesn't have to work hard or worry about those who are poorer. This is because that is how God's love works, it's showered on the wealthy, and then it gradually trickles down to the middle and lower classes.
However, some invision a liberal Democratic Jesus standing behind a podium announcing a "War on Poverty", which, of course unlike LBJ's, would work...because hey, he's Jesus. His other accomplishments include dismantaling the crimial justice system saying: "Judge not or you too will be judged"...and then signing an affidavit renouncing all of the things that he said that made it into the Bible that dealt with consequences for sin. Jesus (D-Canada) signs a treaty saying that when he comes back to Earth he agrees not to ride into battle on a white horse with a huge sword, without first seeking the approval of the United Nations, and the support of Heaven's European allies. He signs massive tax increases for the weathly because the equal distribution of wealth suddently matters to Him. He is a pro-choice feminist because He somehow forgot to mention in the Bible that life doesn't begin until exactly nine months after conception, and that women are exactly like men in every way, they were just made to look, think and act differently...but saying so is not politically correct so Jesus keeps that on the down low. He authors a bill that gives preference in addmittance to heaven to non-whites because without government help they are less capable of following God than whites, but at his press conference he doesn't mention that, instead he states that as victims of hardship perpetrated by whites, Affirmative Salvation makes up for this, because decisions based on skin color are fine as long as they even out before the End Times. He dosen't believe that the book that He authored is completely factual and should be interpeted literally. Most of it is up for man to interpet the way he wants because he really didn't write it anyway, he just had a bunch of ghostwriters claim that he told them what to write.
I'm having a lot of generalized fun at the expense of this pointless, misguided and stupid debate...but I am also trying to hammer home how absolutely absurd this question is...how absoultely absurd it is to try to shape God to fit your political agenda. Yes, I'm using somewhat exaggerated generalizations, but they are not the the most exaggerated, or generalized things that have ever been said. As absurd as they sound, I have heard something to each effect from the mouths of various politicans and activists. I wish these were isolated incidents, but they're not, not in America...this is the philosophy that runs much of our Government...from the White House to City Councils. This is the frightening assumption of countless Christians who can't seperate their stance on Tax Policy from Theology.
I'm not saying any of this to attack anyone's political beliefs. I am at a poltical identity crisis right now myself...and this issue is the main catalyst actually. I don't think that the self-serving platforms of either party, or minor parties, are divinely inspired nor do I think that God can be manipulated into support any agenda. This is the one question that does not need to be answered. But it most definitely needs to be addressed. I will explain the political side to my thoughts in other threads. I just want people to open their eyes to what they are doing...to the way that they are abusing the Biblical message, and how counter-productive the akward forced marrage of politics and religion has been.
I was glad to see that, on the board, many people felt the same way that I do. It gives me hope for my generation, that they might be willing to break this destructive trend.
- Jordan
Most commonly in this part of this country, people see Jesus as a leading firebrand Southern Baptist conservative giving a speech at the G.O.P. convention about something called moral values and protecting the Upper Middle Class suburban family from losing tax dollars to lower class inner city people who, as the God of the Universe, obviously dosen't love as much because they don't have as much material stuff...later that week Jesus Christ (R-Texas) is shown on Fox News taking a break from turning water into sparking grape juice to ride his Elephant (he's not a democrat, remember) into the palm branch covered streets of Washington D.C. to help pass an 11th hour Constitutional Amendendment banning gay marrage, because that's why he died on the cross and was ressurected remember?...to keep gay people from getting married. The next day, he's baptized in the Potomac by Tom DeLay and a dove descends from heaven and hands DeLay a check for five million dollars so he can keep doing the Lord's work. He spends days in the White House planning his Second Coming, the word "Shock and Awe" is used as many times as divinely possible, he promises to use divinely guided smart bombs that will spare American citizens while he dispenses the divine justice that the rest of the World diserves. Of course the rest of his time on Capitol Hill is spent fighting for the removal of environmental restrictions on industries, because stewardship wasn't meant to be applied to creation, and material wealth is more importiant. A high wealth disparity is a biblical principle too, remember that parable about the one guy getting ten talents, while the other guy got five and the last guy got one, probably because he's lazy, the kind of person that liberals would want to give a free ride on welfare, but not Jesus. Wealth should trickle down from the wealthy to the middle and lower classes, if they work hard enough for their talent, of course this is much more work than the guy who got ten talents should be required to do, but that's because God has blessed him more so he doesn't have to work hard or worry about those who are poorer. This is because that is how God's love works, it's showered on the wealthy, and then it gradually trickles down to the middle and lower classes.
However, some invision a liberal Democratic Jesus standing behind a podium announcing a "War on Poverty", which, of course unlike LBJ's, would work...because hey, he's Jesus. His other accomplishments include dismantaling the crimial justice system saying: "Judge not or you too will be judged"...and then signing an affidavit renouncing all of the things that he said that made it into the Bible that dealt with consequences for sin. Jesus (D-Canada) signs a treaty saying that when he comes back to Earth he agrees not to ride into battle on a white horse with a huge sword, without first seeking the approval of the United Nations, and the support of Heaven's European allies. He signs massive tax increases for the weathly because the equal distribution of wealth suddently matters to Him. He is a pro-choice feminist because He somehow forgot to mention in the Bible that life doesn't begin until exactly nine months after conception, and that women are exactly like men in every way, they were just made to look, think and act differently...but saying so is not politically correct so Jesus keeps that on the down low. He authors a bill that gives preference in addmittance to heaven to non-whites because without government help they are less capable of following God than whites, but at his press conference he doesn't mention that, instead he states that as victims of hardship perpetrated by whites, Affirmative Salvation makes up for this, because decisions based on skin color are fine as long as they even out before the End Times. He dosen't believe that the book that He authored is completely factual and should be interpeted literally. Most of it is up for man to interpet the way he wants because he really didn't write it anyway, he just had a bunch of ghostwriters claim that he told them what to write.
I'm having a lot of generalized fun at the expense of this pointless, misguided and stupid debate...but I am also trying to hammer home how absolutely absurd this question is...how absoultely absurd it is to try to shape God to fit your political agenda. Yes, I'm using somewhat exaggerated generalizations, but they are not the the most exaggerated, or generalized things that have ever been said. As absurd as they sound, I have heard something to each effect from the mouths of various politicans and activists. I wish these were isolated incidents, but they're not, not in America...this is the philosophy that runs much of our Government...from the White House to City Councils. This is the frightening assumption of countless Christians who can't seperate their stance on Tax Policy from Theology.
I'm not saying any of this to attack anyone's political beliefs. I am at a poltical identity crisis right now myself...and this issue is the main catalyst actually. I don't think that the self-serving platforms of either party, or minor parties, are divinely inspired nor do I think that God can be manipulated into support any agenda. This is the one question that does not need to be answered. But it most definitely needs to be addressed. I will explain the political side to my thoughts in other threads. I just want people to open their eyes to what they are doing...to the way that they are abusing the Biblical message, and how counter-productive the akward forced marrage of politics and religion has been.
I was glad to see that, on the board, many people felt the same way that I do. It gives me hope for my generation, that they might be willing to break this destructive trend.
- Jordan
Question Two: "What Are The Paths To God?"
Almost any Christian, reguardless of demonination or affiliation, will give the same answer...but without really thinking about it. Of course I believe that answer as well, but we almost assume that it is so easily understandable that all we need to do is say it the way we learned in evangelism class...and it will be an effective answer. To a skeptical and unbelieving world (two states of mind that I understand very well) it's not, it's too easy, too simple, too unbeliveable...but untimately it's too true. Despite it's truth we tend to relate it in a ho-hum "yeah he's the real deal...I guess" sort of way. We need to be strongly grounded in our most central and crucial Biblical beliefs...we need to answer this question for ourselves and answer it as if we are truly convinced. Miller's main point this evening was that despite all of our theology and explinations and points and lists, the ultimate dynamic of our salvation comes though the simple precept of our relashonship with God...it's a relashonal dynamic that is the crucial point...but we try to make it so much more (I will talk about this in a future entry because it represents the culmination of hours of frustration over religion and actions versus my relashonship with God). Miller related a story of a girl that came up to him and asked him "Why can you say that Jesus is the answer? Why haven't you studied other religions just as much as Christiantity before coming to this conclusion". Miller's answer: "If I've fallen in love with a woman, I don't need to sleep with fifty others to know that she is the one". Very simple, sharp, but very true. In our search for closeness with God we have done so many things to make the path to God more complicated, more filled with rules and tricks to master. We've taken the simple task of a spiritual relashonship and turned it into a system where we need to become neo-pharasees in order to be a Christian. Nothing could be farther from the teachings of Christ.
Question One: How Has God Blessed You?
This question is importiant mainly because, while we try to make God fit our plans and agendas, we rarely seem to recognize His direct work in the good things that happen in our lives. This is the section of the board that, naturally, had the most positive atmosphere and responses. For the time being I am going to give more attention to the other questions, because they are much more rarely asked in evangelical circles.
Questions that Need to be Addressed More than they Need to be Answered
My previous entry did not resolve itself. That was my full intention. Where does that resolution happen? Usually an answer is given that points to religion (in this I'm including Christianity)...however, that's not the answer I'm going to embrace here.
Tonight I went to hear Donald Miller, the author of two good and somewhat profound books (Blue like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What), speak...and he did. This post isin't necessarily about that however (allthough I will address some of his posts in other entries because many of them oddly parallel conclusions that I am begining to reach about the concepts behind...in general...the religious aspects of "Christiantity"). I read the second book on the plane back from Seattle, and it helped being together many of the countless mind boggling thoughts that went though my head on that trip. So no disservice meant to Mr. Miller...he was a good speaker and I have plenty to say about topics that he specifically addressess in a future post (and in those posts I will make more of an effort to shorten any parenthetical references which have tended to run a little long in this entry).
My focus for this entry is something that gained much of my attention at Gregory Plaza this evening, before Don Miller spoke. It was a huge board, set up along the sidewalk, a board with large words written in English in with many different colored pens and markers, by very different people.
The board had four sections. Written across each section was a question. Four total. They are four questions that I believe are crucial to evaluating the entire process of Christian interaction with the world that we have been made to interact with.
Evaluation, whether the subject is theology, politics, evangelism tactics, or even styles of corporate worship, is something that I feel is greatly feared by the christian community. God forbid (pun mostly intended) that we find that we've been wrong about something. The absence of evaluation and critical examinations of the "church" lends it to methods of religious action that are archaic, ineffective, and most importiantly, equally as spiritually unfullfilling as the things that I mentioned in the previous entry. Each of the four questions highlights the general theme of subjects that I hopefully will devote entire entries to.
Tonight I went to hear Donald Miller, the author of two good and somewhat profound books (Blue like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What), speak...and he did. This post isin't necessarily about that however (allthough I will address some of his posts in other entries because many of them oddly parallel conclusions that I am begining to reach about the concepts behind...in general...the religious aspects of "Christiantity"). I read the second book on the plane back from Seattle, and it helped being together many of the countless mind boggling thoughts that went though my head on that trip. So no disservice meant to Mr. Miller...he was a good speaker and I have plenty to say about topics that he specifically addressess in a future post (and in those posts I will make more of an effort to shorten any parenthetical references which have tended to run a little long in this entry).
My focus for this entry is something that gained much of my attention at Gregory Plaza this evening, before Don Miller spoke. It was a huge board, set up along the sidewalk, a board with large words written in English in with many different colored pens and markers, by very different people.
The board had four sections. Written across each section was a question. Four total. They are four questions that I believe are crucial to evaluating the entire process of Christian interaction with the world that we have been made to interact with.
Evaluation, whether the subject is theology, politics, evangelism tactics, or even styles of corporate worship, is something that I feel is greatly feared by the christian community. God forbid (pun mostly intended) that we find that we've been wrong about something. The absence of evaluation and critical examinations of the "church" lends it to methods of religious action that are archaic, ineffective, and most importiantly, equally as spiritually unfullfilling as the things that I mentioned in the previous entry. Each of the four questions highlights the general theme of subjects that I hopefully will devote entire entries to.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Fugazi, Metro, The University of Texas, The American Dream
What do these things have in common? Not much...but they all share a part of my evening. I'm going to go in reverse order. As with most days recently I've had so much to think and process that I have a hard time centralizing on a single thing to write about. I've tried just writing about everything at once, but that usually ends in disaster.
I'm currently listening to Fugazi while writing at the Metro coffee shop type place (24 hours and very bright, which is good for studying so I think I've found a good study spot, it would be nicer if I went to UT but that's a topic of another entry)
That knocks out two of the things in my title, well, three. I've also established my location across the street from the dynamic campus known as UT. It's a facinating place...I interact with hundreds of UT students a day when I'm at work...but that interaction rarely goes beyond "what can I get for you, small or large, did you say you want that decaf?, would you like whipped cream on that, yea it's really good with it, here's your change, thank you very much/take it easy/thanks man etc..." I don't really know very many of then, yet I live in Austin. The issue there of course is I attend another school...in the same area, but in a way detached. For the purpose of my plans and my life I have attached the two, and so have thousands of other people.
Did I mention that UT is dynamic? There are many uses for that word, and almost all of them describe the school. Such a diverse population, literally the entire planet is represented here. The ideas here are progressive, perhaps too progressive for the real world. So many people, searching. It's not unlike Texas State in that respect, but where the students are looking for answers are though more varied means here. Right next door the Church of Scientology attempts to answer those questions for students, and some students believe that the answers are next door. My uncle did, and he disapeared for two years, reappeared, moved to LA, got married, has a succesful job and a seemingly happy life. I guess he found those answers, or mabye not...no now that I think about it no amount of outward visable success can guarantee true happiness. In fact, now that I think about it, virtually nothing in the physical world can. However there are 6.4 billion people on this planet that spend their lives trying to find it...some do, but it's almost never found in a gated community, in the polling place, behind door number three or in a shoe contract.
Our "manifest destined" material drivern unfettered mega-capitalist society...for all of his precedent shattering enormity and hype, has never made a single person truly happy. I know that is the truth, but it's hard to imagine, as a human with a human brain wanting to do human things, how that is. For many people, what we have is the theoretical secret to life. The "American Dream", which, as far as I can tell, includes at least most if not all of the following: A house in a safe suburban neighborhood with a fully occupied two car garage and another slightly used but good looking car for the oldest of your 2.3 kids that just turned 16 parked out on the street, nearby schools that are ranked "above satisfactory" by state standards, a green lawn that in certian parts of the country takes gallons of water from a seemingly infinite supply to maintain, closets full of more clothes than will ever be worn, plenty of entertianment oriented objects displaying the latest distractions from pop culture in a liquid crystal display with surround sound, membership in a nice church that meets in a shiny new building with a huge electronic sign out front that attracts the attention from other typically nice looking suburbanites who are commuting on what is...of course...the outermost loop around the city...a church where you can go and feel good about yourself and not have to worry about sin or the poor or being generous and honest without expecting something in return, season tickets to at least one local pro sports team, a couple of yellow ribbon car magnets kept in a drawer so that in the event that the one on the Chevy Tahoe falls off it can quickly be replaced before a member of the family begins to feel unpatriotic and guilty for not doing more to support the troops...wherever the hell they are...while at the same time being thankful that they won't have to worry about either of their kids going off to some who knows where country because that's what poor kids are supposed to do because they have no other option."...that, in a nutshell, is the image I think of when I think of the "American Dream"...but nothing I listed above has the power to make someone truly happy. Some of the most unhappy and suicidal teenagers grow to be that way when they realize that the suburban promise of the "American Dream" doesn't do anything beyond making their pointless lives more generally physically comfortable than the immigrant family that just moved in fifteen miles down the freeway toward downtown.
I'm currently listening to Fugazi while writing at the Metro coffee shop type place (24 hours and very bright, which is good for studying so I think I've found a good study spot, it would be nicer if I went to UT but that's a topic of another entry)
That knocks out two of the things in my title, well, three. I've also established my location across the street from the dynamic campus known as UT. It's a facinating place...I interact with hundreds of UT students a day when I'm at work...but that interaction rarely goes beyond "what can I get for you, small or large, did you say you want that decaf?, would you like whipped cream on that, yea it's really good with it, here's your change, thank you very much/take it easy/thanks man etc..." I don't really know very many of then, yet I live in Austin. The issue there of course is I attend another school...in the same area, but in a way detached. For the purpose of my plans and my life I have attached the two, and so have thousands of other people.
Did I mention that UT is dynamic? There are many uses for that word, and almost all of them describe the school. Such a diverse population, literally the entire planet is represented here. The ideas here are progressive, perhaps too progressive for the real world. So many people, searching. It's not unlike Texas State in that respect, but where the students are looking for answers are though more varied means here. Right next door the Church of Scientology attempts to answer those questions for students, and some students believe that the answers are next door. My uncle did, and he disapeared for two years, reappeared, moved to LA, got married, has a succesful job and a seemingly happy life. I guess he found those answers, or mabye not...no now that I think about it no amount of outward visable success can guarantee true happiness. In fact, now that I think about it, virtually nothing in the physical world can. However there are 6.4 billion people on this planet that spend their lives trying to find it...some do, but it's almost never found in a gated community, in the polling place, behind door number three or in a shoe contract.
Our "manifest destined" material drivern unfettered mega-capitalist society...for all of his precedent shattering enormity and hype, has never made a single person truly happy. I know that is the truth, but it's hard to imagine, as a human with a human brain wanting to do human things, how that is. For many people, what we have is the theoretical secret to life. The "American Dream", which, as far as I can tell, includes at least most if not all of the following: A house in a safe suburban neighborhood with a fully occupied two car garage and another slightly used but good looking car for the oldest of your 2.3 kids that just turned 16 parked out on the street, nearby schools that are ranked "above satisfactory" by state standards, a green lawn that in certian parts of the country takes gallons of water from a seemingly infinite supply to maintain, closets full of more clothes than will ever be worn, plenty of entertianment oriented objects displaying the latest distractions from pop culture in a liquid crystal display with surround sound, membership in a nice church that meets in a shiny new building with a huge electronic sign out front that attracts the attention from other typically nice looking suburbanites who are commuting on what is...of course...the outermost loop around the city...a church where you can go and feel good about yourself and not have to worry about sin or the poor or being generous and honest without expecting something in return, season tickets to at least one local pro sports team, a couple of yellow ribbon car magnets kept in a drawer so that in the event that the one on the Chevy Tahoe falls off it can quickly be replaced before a member of the family begins to feel unpatriotic and guilty for not doing more to support the troops...wherever the hell they are...while at the same time being thankful that they won't have to worry about either of their kids going off to some who knows where country because that's what poor kids are supposed to do because they have no other option."...that, in a nutshell, is the image I think of when I think of the "American Dream"...but nothing I listed above has the power to make someone truly happy. Some of the most unhappy and suicidal teenagers grow to be that way when they realize that the suburban promise of the "American Dream" doesn't do anything beyond making their pointless lives more generally physically comfortable than the immigrant family that just moved in fifteen miles down the freeway toward downtown.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Moderation
Is a good thing and I've decided to embrace it. More on this later I'm just putting this here so I remember to write about it.
- Jordan
- Jordan
Saturday, March 26, 2005
26 things I don't like about Texas
A couple of disclaimers here:
One - I generally like Texas, and often talk about the things that I like about the state
Two - Texas is a huge state, very few things can be true of the entire state so alot of what I'm saying are extreme generalizations.
Here goes:
1) People driving ridiculiously huge vehicles
2) Too many people claiming that it's the best place on Earth (it's not)
3) So many people who claim to hold "conservative" political views...mainly because their parent's do...and George W. is their "homeboy".
4) A culture that makes, in a lot of places, Christianity a "thing to do" and nothing more.
5) The hyper-suburbanization of the State...espeically in Dallas-Fort Worth and double-espeically in Houston.
6) Houston
7) In general the Eastern fourth of the State...the one part of the state that tries hard to identify itself with the awful, backward, ignorant, closed minded phenomenon that is/was the "old south"...while the rest of the State strives to allign itself with the progressive vision of the modern Southwest.
8) Texas A&....DAN KINIRY IS AN AWESOME HUMAN BEING!!!
9) The utter disreguard for the environmental future of the State (this of course excludes Austin).
10) Tom Delay
11) The marrage of academics and athletic preformance, as well as people measuring schools purely on the proformace of their athetic teams...espeically in football...and giving academics very little reguard when choosing a school
12) The Houston Texans and the illegitimate arrogance of their fans...I mean, they're the last people in the sports world that should be arrogant about anything.
13) Truck commericals by Detroit-based Domestic auto manufacters that all but insult the state's intellegence and appeal to the lowest common hick denominator
14) The people who buy all of the huge trucks that make those annoying commericals a "success"
15) People buying huge trucks when they don't need them...espeically common among East Texans, but prevelent in any rural area of the State
16) Waco, the worst city in Texas over 100,000 people (I've been to all of them except Beaumont...from what I've heard about Beaumont though it might give Waco a run for this title).
17) Legalism in many of the state's churches
18) The frightening marrage of politics (The Republican Party) and religon (The church in Texas).
19) The idealogical homogeniety that dominates many parts of the state.
20) The crappy states that border Texas (I mean, when New Mexico is the best state that borders your state...that really sucks)
21) The lack of any semblence of good mass transit systems (exceptions are the DART light rail in Dallas and the good bus system in Austin)
22) The archaic rules that shape the State's government.
23) The disgustingly political redistricting plan that made Austin the largest city in the U.S. without true congressional represntation just because it votes a way that Tom Delay doesn't agree with.
24) The lottery, damn you Ann Richards for unleashing this plague on our state and lying to us saying that it would exclusivley fund the state's school system.
25) Texas Tech fans.
26) The outright worship of High School Football...I'm as big a football fan as the next guy...but it gets just too ridiculous here.
One - I generally like Texas, and often talk about the things that I like about the state
Two - Texas is a huge state, very few things can be true of the entire state so alot of what I'm saying are extreme generalizations.
Here goes:
1) People driving ridiculiously huge vehicles
2) Too many people claiming that it's the best place on Earth (it's not)
3) So many people who claim to hold "conservative" political views...mainly because their parent's do...and George W. is their "homeboy".
4) A culture that makes, in a lot of places, Christianity a "thing to do" and nothing more.
5) The hyper-suburbanization of the State...espeically in Dallas-Fort Worth and double-espeically in Houston.
6) Houston
7) In general the Eastern fourth of the State...the one part of the state that tries hard to identify itself with the awful, backward, ignorant, closed minded phenomenon that is/was the "old south"...while the rest of the State strives to allign itself with the progressive vision of the modern Southwest.
8) Texas A&....DAN KINIRY IS AN AWESOME HUMAN BEING!!!
9) The utter disreguard for the environmental future of the State (this of course excludes Austin).
10) Tom Delay
11) The marrage of academics and athletic preformance, as well as people measuring schools purely on the proformace of their athetic teams...espeically in football...and giving academics very little reguard when choosing a school
12) The Houston Texans and the illegitimate arrogance of their fans...I mean, they're the last people in the sports world that should be arrogant about anything.
13) Truck commericals by Detroit-based Domestic auto manufacters that all but insult the state's intellegence and appeal to the lowest common hick denominator
14) The people who buy all of the huge trucks that make those annoying commericals a "success"
15) People buying huge trucks when they don't need them...espeically common among East Texans, but prevelent in any rural area of the State
16) Waco, the worst city in Texas over 100,000 people (I've been to all of them except Beaumont...from what I've heard about Beaumont though it might give Waco a run for this title).
17) Legalism in many of the state's churches
18) The frightening marrage of politics (The Republican Party) and religon (The church in Texas).
19) The idealogical homogeniety that dominates many parts of the state.
20) The crappy states that border Texas (I mean, when New Mexico is the best state that borders your state...that really sucks)
21) The lack of any semblence of good mass transit systems (exceptions are the DART light rail in Dallas and the good bus system in Austin)
22) The archaic rules that shape the State's government.
23) The disgustingly political redistricting plan that made Austin the largest city in the U.S. without true congressional represntation just because it votes a way that Tom Delay doesn't agree with.
24) The lottery, damn you Ann Richards for unleashing this plague on our state and lying to us saying that it would exclusivley fund the state's school system.
25) Texas Tech fans.
26) The outright worship of High School Football...I'm as big a football fan as the next guy...but it gets just too ridiculous here.
Bombarded with Thoughts
I came back from the break overwhelmed with so many ideas, thoughts, musings and what have you. I was excited, because I had so many things to write about.
But I'm realizing that they're all so jumbled in my mind that I can't possibly focus on one of them...and it's frustrating, because so much is going on in my head right now and I need to share it.
I had a good talk with a friend the other day about many of those thoughts...but even still I'm lost in the fray.
So much to think about, I can hardly concentrate on a single thing.
- Jordan
But I'm realizing that they're all so jumbled in my mind that I can't possibly focus on one of them...and it's frustrating, because so much is going on in my head right now and I need to share it.
I had a good talk with a friend the other day about many of those thoughts...but even still I'm lost in the fray.
So much to think about, I can hardly concentrate on a single thing.
- Jordan
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